Matt's Christmas Present to Himself

Last night while Caitlyn was at Grandma Rita's, Matt and I headed over to Jade Dragon Tattoo to get this little goodie. It is something that we had been thinking about doing for a year or so. And the other day Matt finally decided that it was time.

It is an exact replica of her footprints that were taken when she was about 2 weeks old. Everyone in the place was in awe that her feet were so tiny. We had people coming up to us and asking us if we really had a 1 pound baby, I guess it is a little shocking if you have never come across such a teeny one :P

Caitlyn is absolutely thrilled with it. She keeps asking Matt if she can look at it and she just stares and stares. Both Matt and I are very pleased with how it came out. So pleased that he is already talking about getting another one :S

Merry Christmas to you

Merry Christmas to my girlie and my husband! It has been a wonderful morning and I am sure the day is only going to get better. Caitlyn is so very excited this year and it is such an awesome thing to watch! Christmas is now meaning something so very different to me than it ever has before as I watch her excitement.

I hope that everyone has a fantastic day celebrating their own miracles today.

The Winter Assembly

Caitlyn had her winter assembly on Tuesday. Her class sang "Must Be Santa" and I must say that despite all of the words in the song, they really did a fantastic job.

Caitlyn wore the cutest little jumper (that I snagged at Kohl's at quite the discount). I think she was more excited to wear the dress than she was about singing on stage. The teacher also had santa hats for all of the kids.

We have also finally signed up for ballet. Which the girl is wayyyyy psyched about. She prances around the house on a daily basis telling me that she is practicing for dance class. She has also made it a point to tell anyone and everyone who will listen that she is starting dance class in January. In June, they have a recital, which I can't wait for ;)

Here are some pictures from the assembly....Christmas pictures to follow after the holiday.

Before we left the house


In line to go on stage


Singing "ho ho ho" with her arms out as Santa's belly (can you even find her in the middle there??? I really need a camera with a better zoom)

Zoo Lights

The weather here has been unseasonably warm again. So this past weekend we took advantage of it and headed off to Brookfield Zoo on Saturday. Every year, they decorate the entire zoo with tons and tons of Christmas lights. Of course, it was terribly crowded, because everyone in the city and surrounding suburbs had the exact same idea as us. But a fantastic time was had by all.

On the lion at the entrance (don't all kids who live in Chicago have a pic of themsselves on this lion???)


In the belly of a kangaroo


The giant ornament


And of course they had tons of "creatures" to take pictures with


On the buffalo


Even Uncle Bobby wanted to get on the buffalo (yeah, he's an adult?)

Deck the Halls

Caitlyn is singing Christmas songs like mad these days. Yesterday she was singing Deck the Halls. It went a little something like this...

"Deck the hall with balls on journey."

I will never hear that song without thinking of the incorrect words again.

Learning to Read

Caitlyn is learning to read this year in kindergarten. And I have to say, it really is an amazing process to watch unfold! Before she started school this year, she was able to read and spell a few words. But now she is really making the connection between letters and sounds. Everytime she says a word or gets a pencil in her hand, she is trying to sound out words and spell them on her own. And it's even more amazing when we are out and about and she sees a word thst she knows and she gets all excited cause she can read it. So everywhere we go now, she is looking for words that she can read.

Here's an example...I put on a shirt yesterday that said "let it snow." And when she was standing in front of me, she yells out "IT!!!" All excited and proud of herself cause she read what was on my shirt.

In school, they are allowed to sign up to bring in a book and read it to the class. Naturally, being who she is, Cate had to be the first to sign up. SO she brought in one of her phonics, I can read, books. And sheh most certainly did stand up there and read the entire thing to the class! Now she is on the hunt every night for a book that she can take to school and read to her friends.

Painting the Town

Caitlyn is so very excited about Christmas this year. And not just the getting gifts part, she is truly excited for all of the decorations and the parties, and basically everything that encompasses Christmas. Yesterday we were driving to the store and from the back seat I hear "Oh my God!" in this squealy sounding voice. She tried telling me something and I couldn't even understand what in the world she was saying through all the giddiness in her voice. Finally I told her to slow down and tell me what she was so psyched over.

"Mommy they are even decorating the town for Christmas!"

With the largest cheesy ass grin I have ever seen in my life, she was in awe of the lights that were on the trees and lamp posts on the busy street! Now mind you, we were right outside the mall, and they always decorate those for the holidays. However, when we pulled away from the mall and into the suburb across the street, they too had decorated their trees and lamp posts. So in her mind, she now thinks that Chicago decorates the "town."

So we here in Chicago are under a winter storm warning. The funny thing is, besides the fact that it was near 60 out for the last 5 days, is that my mother said this was going to happen. And not just because she was being pessimistic or anything. When we went to bingo on Monday, she had mentioned that this is the same exact weather pattern that we had before the blizzard of 1967. Well, if you know my mom, you know that she can sometimes spew information that she really has no idea about. But it had me curious. And lo and behold, upon googling "blizzard 1967" it was, in fact, damn near 60 the few days prior to the storm. Hmmm. Either or, I am thinking that we are going to get a punch in the face with this snow. We have had some pretty mild winters here the last few years and I am thinking it's time for that wonderful woman we call Mother Nature to once again let us know exactly who is in charge.

Mother of the Year

This would be the award that I would not be getting! Besides the fact of being horribly neglectful here, I am awaiting the call from DCFS.

Caitlyn comes into our bed every morning. And really, this isn't a big deal to either of us. She isn't allowed to come in until the sun is up (or she would be in there as soon as we were). If she comes in before the sun is up, I can usually shag her back to her own room. Typically, she comes in around the time that Matt is getting up for work, so it works out nicely.

Sunday morning she comes in as usual. I hadn't gone to bed until almost 4 am, apparently some insomnia issues going on. It must have been somewhere around 6 or 7 that she came in asking to get in bed with us. Now, I don't know what I was dreaming about or how deeply I was sleeping, and at the time, I wasn't fully functional. Though, I can see it all very vividly now.

Caitlyn: Mommy can I get into bed with you?

Mom: leans out of bed (had to really stretch) and slaps child square on the cheek. Then lies back down to resume sleeping.

Caitlyn: Look of horror and shock, graps cheek, begins crying.

Mom: Realizing what I have just done to my poor girly, swoops her up and starts kissing and hugging and apologizing....profusely.

Joke of the entire day (by Matt of course)....

"Caitlyn don't _________ or Mom might slap you in the face."

(asshole)

Soccer Banquet and a Halloween Party

Caitlyn has finished the soccer season. They had a banquet on Saturday and the kids were allowed to wear their Halloween costumes. It is supposed to rain here on Halloween so I am glad that she was able to get another chance to wear the costume without having to worry about wearing a coat with it.

The coach gave all the kids trophies. And Cate is chatting nonstop about getting her very first trophy. Anyone that will listen to her gets an earful about how this is her first trophy and how excited she is.
Here she is with her trophy and Maya (her new best friend).


Here she is in her costume. Notice the smile. Her newest "thing" is that she doesn't want to show her teeth when she smiles. And when I ask her to, I get this weird looking face. Not sure what is going on with that, but hopefully she is out of it by the time school pictures roll around.


We also went to a Haunted House after the banquet. She was just dying to go to one...so we finally caved and took her. I picked one that I knew would be short, both waiting in line and walking through the house. So we chose the one at the police station. It took all of about 37 seconds of her being in there before she cried and said she wanted to leave. Luckily, the entire thing was only 2 minutes long. So I held her and kind of stayed back from the group so that everything coming out would scare them and not us. When it was over, she said it wasn't that bad, But I don't think that she will be asking to go to another one anytime soon.
Here she is outside in line for it (again with the goofy ass smile).


Other than that, not a whole lot going on in our worlds right now. Parent teacher conferences are coming up in a couple of weeks. That should be loads of fun. We got the note to sign up for them telling us that each will last about 8 minutes??? Most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life. But I will go along with the program and if my conference "just happens" to last longer than the 8 minutes, oh well.

Courtesy of my Papa

REVENGE

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.



The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"



Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighborhood. The old man liked the fact that he was feared.



To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 68. His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.



Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?"

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down......."

Mr. T

This has got to be the funniest thing I have seen in a loooong time.

Catching Up

Well, I met with the teacher the day after the "incident." Without rehashing everything, let's just say that she now knows to take my daughter's complaints seriously from this point on. I also think that I scared her just a little bit. A few days after I met with her, I emailed her a question and also wanted to let her know that Caitlyn would be going home with one of her friends and her mom. The email that I got in return was disgustingly nice. Over the top nice. The kind of nice that when you read it, you know the author made a conscious effort to be nice. But I am so okay with that. As long as Caitlyn is reaping the benfits of my visit, that is all that matters to me.

We dog sat for Magee a couple of weeks ago, and I am just now getting around to uploading the pics from his visit. Caitlyn loves when he comes to stay for a couple of days. Matt on the other hand....well, let's just say it makes him thankful that we have cats and not dogs.

Here's the girl with Magee doing what they both do best.


Matt's football season is almost over, so he will be home in the evenings again. Which is good? I get so used to him not being home that it is strange when he finally is home before it's dark.

Caitlyn is gearing up for winter. We had some snow showers here last week and she was convinced that there was going to be no less than 8 feet of snow. See for yourself....she is all ready to go and frolic in it.....

The Kindergarten Teacher

So I figured when Caitlyn started school that I would have a leg up on most situations because of my profession. This hasn't proven to be true so far this school year. Let me just say that I am less than pleased with the kindergarten teacher. We'll take this point by point....the last, which happened today, has completely pushed me over the edge.

1. Caitlyn learned to write her name in all capitals. Now I know, I shoudl have taught her to write it using lower case letters. However, capital letters are easier for children to write. Incorporate Caitlyn's weakness in fine motor skills and it is no surprise why she learned capitals letters first. The teacher wants their names in all lower case. Fine, agreed. When my child writes her name at the top of the paper in all capitals, what purpose does it serve for the teacher to circle it and write her name in lower case letters OVER what Caitlyn has already written? Here's my thinking, since you're rewriting it anyway, just write the damn thing yourself. Secondly, how can she see the way it's supposed to be written when you have written over what she has already written and now it looks like a bunch of chicken scratch??? But this I can get over...we are working on it at home.

2. There is an assignment that is completed a few times a week. The children are to cut out squares with pictures on it and paste them in sequential order. Fantastic activity. Unless you're Caitlyn. She cuts fine. However, the pictures that are on the edge of the page, she doesn't cut that edge out. The piece of paper is still in a square, just has a little bit of the edge of the paper left attached to it. She hasn't cut the heads off the people in the pictures, she hasn't torn the paper, it's nicely cut...all but that damn edge. Teacher's note on every friggin one of them...."poor cutting skills." Actually my child has saved herself some time and been very resourceful if you ask me. Not to mention, the goal of the activity was sequencing, NOT cutting. Were the pictures in the correct order? Yes! then let's move on please. But okay, I will work on that issue as well.

The next 2 points are warranting an email to the teacher, cause I don't see how I can work on them at home without the proper information from the woman.

3. There is a behavior system in place in the classroom. Fan freaking tastic. All classrooms for the most part have them. There is an incentive chart in Caitlyn's folder and she gets a smiley face, sad face, or in between face each day depending on how her day was. Now we got this beautifully written note about carrying this plan over at home and helping the children to get smiley faces, etc. Caitlyn got an in between face yesterday. When I asked her what it was for, she had no clue why she didn't get a smiley face. She did know that she didn't have a good day, but couldn't tell me why. Now I ask you this, how in the hell am I supposed to discourage whatever behavior warrented the in between face when I don't know why she got it??? Yeah that part about the communication between home and schools regarding behavior wasn't in that beautifully written letter.

4. This is the one that has me the most pissed off. Caitlyn woke up this morning and told me that she had a headache. I figured it would go away a short time later and she would be fine. I left work early today, cause I am feeling liek shit courtesy of Matt and Cate passing their germs to me, so I went to pick the girl up from school. She came out and right away told me that she still had her headache. I asked her if she told her teacher. "Yes." I asked what the teacher said. "Oh now your head hurts?" Which I thought was an odd response, so I asked Caitlyn if she had told her teacher that something else was bothering her. She said she told the teacher that her stomach hurt her, to which her teacher replied she shoudl try going to the bathroom. Fine, would have probably been my response as well. But when she mentioned that her head was hurting shortly after she said her stomach was hurting, your response is snarky like my kid is lying???? And here's the kicker, she came home and threw up and had a temp of 102!!!! So needless to say, my child expressed her issues and wasn't taken anywhere near as serious as she should have been.

I am fuming about this last one. Why in the hell would the teacher, at the very least, send Caitlyn to the nurse??? What in the hell do they send kids to the nurse for if not an upset stomach and a headache? I guess if Cate puked all over her damn room, she may have thought twice about being so quick to assume that my child was lying to her.

So needless to say, an email has been sent, and if no response is given within 24 hours, the woman is going to have an irate parent on her hands.

Ahhhh the joys of being "that" parent that usually irks the hell out of me during the school year.

PTA

Caitlyn was very worried when I picked her up at school today. It seems that the teacher has mentioned to the children that not all the moms have joined PTA....and they need to. So Caitlyn desperately wanted to know when I was going to sign the form and send it back. (Joining PTA doesn't mean being involved in any of the activities. Basically, give them your $5.00 and shut the hell up while they do their jobs.) So I told Cate that of course I would fill out the form and send it in.

She is sitting at the table right now, finishing her lunch that she didn't eat in school and she says to me....

"Mom, are you really really going to join the PTA? Cause it's a lot of work and you are going to get really tired."

(leads me to believe that the teacher let them know just how much work the PTA moms do)

I assured her that I was going to join.....again.

"But mom, it takes a lot of time. Will you still be my mommy even if you join the PTA?"

They actually won a game!!

Yesterday Caitlyn's team won their first game!!!! There is a new kid on the team. He hasn't been to practice all summer (not that we have had that many, see previous post) because he has been out of the country. He is from the Ukraine. Well, the rules state that regardless of attendance at practice, kids are to play 2 full quarters at each game. Our coach complained about it all damn summer, that the kid shouldn't be allowed to play since our kids have worked so hard at practices, etc. Well, onto the field walks this little man who speaks hardly and english, and manages to score 3 goals for us. I am pretty sure that the coach is now thankful for that rule that he hated so much all summer.

The girl still has this cold, it's been over a week now. But it is progressing, went from a barky cough, to a wet cough, and now a runny nose with a cough. So we should be nearing the end stages of it very soon. At least I hope that we are.

Mommy and Daddy sitting in a tree....

Ah the joys of being around our peers. Imgaine this....

I pick up the girl from mom's and we are in front of the house. I am gathering up bags and crap before opening the doors. I hear Cate singing in the back seat....

Mommy and Daddy sitting in a tree.
K-I-S-S-T-U-V.

I think I may have even peed a little in my pants with that one.

First day of school....and some other things

I have tried to make this post on about 4 different occasions. However, blogger decided that I shouldn't be allowed to post and my computer kept crashing on me. So here it is now...let's hope it works.

Caitlyn started school last week, only half days though. Today is her first full day (9am-2pm) and her first day of eating lunch at school. I am a little concerned about the whole lunch thing only because her fine motor skills are nothing to brag about. So I have tried to make everything in the lunch box as easily accessible as possible. We'll see how that went when I pick her up from Mom's this afternoon.

Here she is on her way to orientation with me last week...

It seems that it is all about the clothes even when you are only 5 years old. She wants to look perfect every single day. In which case, I told her that if that is her wish, then she needs to not be so damn crabby in the morning. Yeah right!

Soccer is going along nicely. I, however, am about to lose my patience with the coach. he is a wonderful man, really. He's great with the kids and has a load of fun with them. However, these poor kids are getting their asses handed to them at games. And I don't so much mind that they are losing, neither does Cate. Matter of fact, I don't think that she even realizes that they aren't winning. She is really just pleased to be wearing a uniform of any sort and be part of a team. But my rant comes in when they haven't practiced in over 3 weeks. Every week the coach calls and cancels practice on us. Some days he doesn't even call. We go there and we wait, no coach, no practice. It's really starting to irritate me to say the least. If the trend continues through this week, there will be a phone call made to the park district.

Regardless of winning, losing, not having practice, my girl looks way cute in her soccer uniform.
Here she is with her new friend Maya....


And here she is doing her thing and running after the ball. Which let me tell you, is a rarity. She really does prefer to play with her hair while she is out on the field. Another favorite past time is walking on the lines that are drawn on the field. So we have decided that soccer may not be her forte. We will be trying out dance, and that starts in December. I think we will have better luck there as there is no physical contact so she doesn't have to worry about being knocked into by some other kid....

Her head in the trees

How cool is this picture??? I was outside playing with the girl the other day and we decided that she should stand in the tree to take a picture. I hadn't even noticed the sunset behind her until I uploaded the pictures to my computer.

(it also shows very well just how long this child's legs really are)

Don't thank me

Me: Cate will you grab a soda for mommy?

Cate: Sure mama.

Me (upon her bringing it to me): Thank you my lovey.

Cate: Don't thank me, thank technology.

Moral of the story....apparently too much TV.

The Porch is finally done

All safe and secure now. I no longer have to worry about the thing collapsing around me when I walk up or down the stairs. It actually turned out to be a pretty painless process. I kept the windows closed the entire time so as to escape the massive amounts of dust that was created from the project. And the workers that were here doing it get a big high five from me. They worked non stop and through the horrible heat that we had.

Here are some before pics



Here is the after pic


(ignore the girl in her jammies on the stairs...it was morning and we were on my way to mom's and sometimes she doesn't want to get dressed before going there)

The men who did the cement work were even kind enough to let us get Cate's handprints in there. She is beside herself with glee knowing that they will be there forever ;)


Now I just have some serious landscaping issues on my hands to say the least. I am the proud owner of that large pile of rocks and dirt. I have not the slightest clue what I will be doing with that space. But something certainly needs to be done with it soon.

I have managed to survive the first week back at work. It was complete hell waking up in the morning, but I lived. We are all getting back into the swing of things now.

Scary Stories

The baseball game was tons of fun! Caitlyn thoroughly enjoyed every little bit of it. The fact that the Sox managed 8 runs in one inning, a couple homeruns, and lots of cheering, made her having to sit in a little chair so much easier.

The first soccer game that was supposed to happen on Saturday has been cancelled. Seems the park district hasn't drawn the lines on the field as of yesterday. I can understand why they haven't though. It's not like they didn't know about this all summer or anything.

Now on to the scary stories bit. It seems that Caitlyn has enjoyed a few episodes of telling scary stories with Kelly. The problem is, she is only 5 and Kelly is 10. So Caitlyn's stories are nowhere near as frightening as Kelly's. So Kelly plays it off as though she is scared. Caitlyn....she isn't playing, the child is scred shitless when she gets into bed these days. No matter what I do I can not convince her that there are no zombies waiting for her, no monsters, nothing in the closet, and that I am one room away from her if she needs me. For the last week, going to bed has been hell. It's either too dark, or too quiet, or she heard a noise, or she can't stop thinking about the things that are scaring her.

I really am hoping that eventually this will just go away. If it doesn't, then she is going to be one sleepy girl when she does go back to school. Cause now it is taking her at least an hour to fall asleep.

One more day

of sleeping in :( Caitlyn is going to feel the ramifications of my going back to work as well. She has gotten into the habit of sleeping in later than I do. I woke her up at 9am on Thursday because we had to be somewhere at 10. I heard bellowing from the bedroom within 10 minutes that she wanted to sleep longer as it was "too early to be awake" according to her. (side note....man I love how my child loves to sleep in)

On Tuesday, she will have to be up and out of the house with me by 7:30ish. Can't wait to see the demon that surfaces in place of my child when that shit happens.

We are going to the Sox game tomorrow, it's Cate's first official baseball game. I'm sure that she will have a ball even though she fights with Daddy all the time about who the better team is....the White Sox or the Cubs. Hopefully she won't start that up at the game. If she does, look for us on the next season of Cops.

Her first soccer game is on Saturday. Can't wait for that. Nothing like a pac of toddlers running back and forth after a ball and every now and again accidentally kicking it into the goal. Though I must say that there are some really athletic kids on her team. It's amazing to me how you can see athleticism in some children even at this young of an age. It also brings to my attention just how not athletic Caitlyn really is :P No biggie though, she loves playing it and loves even more that she is on a team of any sort.

I am also freaking out about kindergarten already. I'm not so worried about her being there all day, I am sure she will adjust fine to that. What I am worried about is her ability to do certain things while she is there. Things like open up her fruit snack or her applesauce, or get the straw into the juice box, or even something as simple as opening up her pencil box. These are all things that I could have worked on this summer had I even thought about them. Unfortunately they never even crossed my mind. So needless to say, we have been working on them for the last couple of weeks. And even though she is getting better at some of them, they are still pretty tough for her to do. When we go for the orientation, I am going to have a chat with the teacher and hopefully she will be able to calm some of my fears.

Back to work

Only 7 more days left to my summer vacation :( Was wonderful though. The girl and I spent loads of time together and mainly just relaxed. Nothing too stressful which was wonderful. Of course I didn't get nearly all of the things completed that I had wanted to. But oh well....there's always next summer right :P

Caitlyn is loving soccer! She looks oh so cute in her shin guards and cleats. (of course being the fashionista that she is, the outfit is the most important part of being on a soccer team.) Her first game is the 16th I belive. We don't have the schedule yet so I am not exactly sure about that. Though I am sure when I do know, she will have a huge fan base at her games.

Matt has begun football practice again. So I am a widow once more. But that's ok...some days I think I prefer being in the house with just Caitlyn. There's not a lot of dinner cooking that goes on either which is always a bonus.

Other than that, not too much going on in our lives. The porch is nearly finished. I was awoken today to the sound of a jackhammer tearing up the walkway. And the concrete people are the final phase in the project. So hopefull that will be completed by the beginning of mest week sometime :)

Catching Up

Caitlyn's birthday was wonderful. We had a little surprise party with immediate family here at the house for her. She was absolutely thrilled with it. She had some balloons and cake and got a few presents.


Then there was the big party at Caesarland. She had a couple of her friends from school there and pretty much everyone in her family. She got loads and loads of really great stuff. She even got the Lightening McQueen car from the movie Cars. But most importantly she got her Cabbage Patch Doll with brown hair and blue eyes like she wanted.



About a week or so after the birthday, we went to Wisconsin for a few days. Caitlyn was like a fish in the water, even going under on her own a few times. She absolutely loved being up there with the family!





All in all a very busy few weeks for all of us. But we are enjoying the good weather and doing lots of fun things. More to come on the soccer front very soon!

Happy Birthday to my Miracle

Happy Birthday my sweet girl!

For the last 5 years you have made mommy and daddy more proud of you than you can ever imagine. We love you so very much!

Good Appointment

After 5 calls from the doctor on MOnday and Tuesday morning, we made it to the doctor. And it was a fantastic appointment.

Caitlyn now weighs 36 pounds (up 3 pounds from last year) and is just over 44 inches tall (up pver 4 inches from last year). He is certain that she is going to be a tall tall girl ;) Her body mass index is 13. Which technically would put her as being underweight. He said that he would in no way classify her as underweight though. Tall and skinny, yes. Underweight, no. She is now in the 75th percentile (wow) for height and the 50th percentile (even more wow) for weight.

We got the go ahead that we no longer need to go to the eye specialist. He doesn't foresee anything more happening with her retinas as far as deterioration goes. They have recovered from the ROP and there would be no regression at this point. So if we feel the need to, we can just see a regular optometrist on a yearly basis. Or we could let the school do their screenings and if something comes up then we could contact the doctor for a referral to a specialist. So I am content with that for now.

Basically she got a clean bill of health and he is overly pleased with her growth and her progress. My little girlie has amazed them all once again ;)

I knew I would jinx myself

When I posted last night (early this morning) about Caitlyn not having been to the doctor in about 6 months, I thought twice about it. I knew the minute that I hit the submit button the kid was going to be sick. Sure enough, she woke up with a stuffy nose this morning :( I don't want her to be sick for her birthday party which is in one week from today. Hopefully this is a very short lived cold and it will pass in no time at all.

...she may get out of those shots at the doctor after all.

It's Official

I am the parent of a kindergarten child! I can't believe that. I'm not exactly sure where I was or what I was doing, but this child grew up without me really realizing it. I mean I knew she was getting bigger cause I was buying the larger size clothes and shoes. But Kindergarten???

She finished school last Wednesday and came home with a school supply list for next year and her report card. The list is funny. I think the part I giggled most about was the fact that they want a box of 24 crayons. Normal enough. But then it says to label EACH crayon with the child's name. That's going to be loads of fun for me. Anyone know where I can buy crayons that are labelled with the kid's name already on them? Cause I will stock up on those bad boys if they do in fact exist.

Now the report card. You may remember me mentioning that Caitlyn got marked down on her last report card because she couldn't dial 911. And I got that phone that called the police...and the pizza guy (poor poor pizza guy). And she can now call 911. However she appearently wouldn't do it fo rhte teacher, so it says that she hasn't mastered it. Maybe I will call the teachers voicemail and let Cate demonstrate her knowledge of dialing 911 as well as the pizza guy. That would most certainly prompt a call to children's services LOL. But overall her report card was wonderful. Still lagging in the gross and fine motor areas. Like I said before though, I am not to concerned with that as long as she is doing okay as far as her cognitive stuff goes. And she is doing great with that.

I finished work on Friday and am now done until August :) Which I couldn't be happier about. I already have my week off planned out. And of course very little of it actually revolves around me. Caitlyn has her 5 year check up and school physical on Tuesday. She is already trying to tell me that she is going to talk to the doctor about not getting any shots. To quote her, "Sometimes doctors say yes to kids right Mommy?" You keep telling yourself that and see how far you get :P I am also finishing up her birthday party stuff. This year, there is no theme? She had Bratz invites and has a plain white cake with a crown and wand on it. So pretty simple which is nice. It is going to be at Caesarland (which is the generic Chuck E Cheese). And she can't wait for it!

I am working on the list of things for Cate's NICU stay....but it is getting very long. So I am not sure that I am going to post all of it. But I have already printed out the list from the other day and put it in her baby book for her. I am also trying to convince Matt to do a list as well as his perspective on it is so different from mine. I think it will be such a wonderful thing for her to have when she is older. Mainly cause it is so very personal.

Okay, off to bed. Too late for me to be up. will post an update after the doctor. She hasn't been there in a while (6 months or so) so I am anxious to see how much my girlie weighs!

I will never forget....

With Caitlyn's birthday quickly approaching, it seems I always do some reflecting around this time. With the help of Beth, I have created a little (yeah right) list of things that I will never forget about her birth (nor do I want to forget them). In the next few days I will also do one about her NICU stay. But here is a list of things I will never forget about the day my sweet girlie was born!

The pain in my rib cage that was so horrific that I thought I was dying.

Realizing that something wasn't right and this wasn't just "normal pregnancy stuff."

Realizing that you really hadn't been moving a lot in the last few days despite the fact that prior to this you never stopped moving.

Telling Matt that something was really wrong and I think we needed to go to the hospital.

Thinking that I was over reacting and at least we would be able to get dinner at Hooter's on our way home.

Having at least 10 nurses ask me how far apart the contractions were.

Telling everyone medical professional I encountered that I was CERTAINLY not in labor....I just had some gas issues.

Actually telling Matt in the waiting room that the pain has subsided again and maybe we should just go home.

Having the doctor suspect that my gallbladder would need to come out.

Being completely devastated at the thought of having surgery at 25 weeks of pregnancy. (if I had only known how much better of an alternative this was, I might have actually been praying for that to happen)

An hour after them telling me it was probably my gallbladder, having a doctor come in and tell me that I had some condition that happens only in pregnancy and that I would be delivering my child within 48 hours as that was the only cure for this disease.

Getting no other real explanation for the next 30 minutes, just sitting there with Matt not knowing what in the hell just happened. For God's sake I really only had gas right?????

Telling Matt that he needs to prepare himself for this child to die. Exact words: "I am only 25 weeks pregnant Matt. Babies born that early don't live, so you need to prepare yourself." What I was really doing was saying it out loud so that I could convince myself.

The look on Matt's mother's face when she showed up at the hospital.

My brother crying next to me. Him giving me his necklace with his crucifix and football number to wear so that I would know he was with me and giving me strength.

Having the perinatologist and the neonatologist give me the grim details of having a baby born at 25 weeks.

Those same people asking me if I had any questions and responding no. How in the world was I supposed to come up with questions about any of this when it all seemed so surreal??

Being on magnesium sulfate.

Not knowing where the next 12 hours were going due to all the medications I was on.

The nurse wrapping the arms of the bed in sheets. "It's in case you have a seizure dear, we don't want you to hit your head."

Immediately following her exit of my room my saying to Matt, "Exactly how fucking sick am I?" (Of course we still hadn't gotten a full explanation of what my condition was. Other than it's name and the fact that I had to deliver and a few other details abotu the condition.)

How dark the room had to be to prevent stimulation.

Having the doctors tell Matt that we could make the decision to save me or the baby.

Telling Matt that if the decision came down to him, he was to choose me.

Trying to keep that stupid oxygen mask on my face and how sweaty my face was from it.

Blood draws every 2 hours.

Blood pressure readings every 20 minutes. Eventually moved to every 15 minutes, and by the end, every 10 minutes.

That damn blood pressure machine constantly beeping to alert the nurses station that my blood pressure was soaring higher than the settings they had previously put it at. And how long it seemed to take them to come in and reset the damn machine.

A nurse trying to get more blood out of my collapsed and dried up veins and telling me that she may have to get it from my foot.

The doctor who was convinced you weighed about 2 pounds (could she have been more wrong :P)

Dr. Pepper. I thought I was on too many drugs but that really was her name. Matt can verify it.

Knowing that I would be completely knocked out for your birth and not even be able to see you until I was stable.

Knowing that Matt wouldn't be allowed to be in the operating room when you were born.

Knowing that you would be surrounded by complete strangers and not even be able to hear a familiar voice when you were born.

The final blood draw that indicated you had to be delivered now. Looking at the clock and noting that it was 5:40 in the morning, only about 12 hours after we had originally been checked in. So much for their 48 hours theory.

The craziness in the room as they were prepping me for surgery.

Having a catheter put in.

Matt asking me who he should call to come to the hospital (really...we thought we had 48 hours LOL)

Knowing that my mom was on her way after work even though I specifically told her not to come and I would call her tomorrow.

Telling one of the nurses I need to kiss my husband and her telling me there was no time. Then hearing another nurse sternly tell her "Stop the bed so she can kiss her husband. She is very sick."

My arms being strapped down to the table in the OR. And of course immediately getting an itch on my nose.

How bright everything was in the OR.

How badly I was shaking and crying yet trying to be so very strong. I tried so hard not to cry and shake, it seemed that only made it worse.

The doctor who stood next to me and held my hand and said that she would be holding it throughout the surgery.

Someone telling me to count down from 10.

Sucking in the anesthesia so hard because all I wanted to do was go to sleep and pretend none of this was really happening.

NOT falling asleep as quickly as I should have and hearing the anesthesiologist tell the nurse that she must push down on my airway to keep it open, then him saying it a second and a third time. The whole time praying that the dope would kick in and I would just pass out.

Feeling as though I couldn't breathe and having no way to tell any of them.

Hearing the surgeon say "I can't wait anymore. I have to cut now." (not sure if the anesthesia finally kicked in or if that comment made me pass out :P)

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Only 2 more days of school for the girl. And only 5 more days of school for me. Turns out I am taking the pay cut and the change in positions. After much mulling and thought provoking conversations with my husband, we (I) decided that I need my summers off now more than ever.

I went into teaching not only because I wanted to teach and work with special needs children, but because I wanted those summer vacations and winter and spring breaks. Well, almost 10 years into teaching, it turns out I have only ever had one summer off and a nice long stint last summer. For my mental health, the mental health of my employers, and the mental health of the students and parents I work with, it is imperative that I start taking the summers off.

Now I know that many of you don't get nearly as much vacation as you need. And really why should I be whining when technically I can take about 6 weeks off in the summer right? I always give the same answer...I went to school knowing that I would have the summers off and you could have done the same thing. That's the bitchy answer. The more thought out and personable answer is that ....well I guess there isn't really one. I could say that it's because I work my ass off most of the school year and I deserve it. But I know plenty of you that do as well. So that wouldn't be a fair argument either. It always goes back to that idea of I went to school knowing full well that this was a perk of the career.

Anywho...10 more days until the girl's birthday. Makes me want to scream. How in the hell did she get to be 5?? Where was I when this transpired???

My friend Beth wrote a little something on her website about all the things that she remembers about her boys birth and NICU hiatus. It is very well written. And I am going to completely steal her idea and write one of my own. Not tonight of course as it is nearing 11:30 and I need to get some sleep at some point. But it will be coming. I think it is a good thing to do being I am so far removed from it now it seems. And I want Caitlyn to know what her first months were like....horrific as they were.

I Lost Her!

It has happened to me. I lost my child today for about 3.7 minutes. And it was the longest 3.7 minutes of my entire life. Seems even longer than the entire 106 days she was in the hospital.

Here's the scenario....

We were at the school picnic today and having a ball. They had Jumping Jacks and games and food. All in all it was a really nice set up that they put on. Matt and I were sitting with a couple of other parents on some blankets. Caitlyn was running back and forth to the games with some of her little friends. She was typically gone about 5 or less minutes each time. And everytime, I was able to see where she was at. Except for this one time.

She and Alexis were going to get face painting done and tatoos. Fine by me, I will see you in a few minutes. Just as we had been doing. I turned around to put some stuff back in our backpack or something. When I looked up, I couldn't see her and Alexis anymore. Now, I didn't freak out right away. I figured they were at the table getting painted on. So I told Matt, I was going to go over to the table to see her. I stood up to leave, and Alexis comes running back to the blanket.....WITHOUT Caitlyn. Now, I fucking freak out. I tell Matt to stay at the blanket so when she comes back someone is there. I go off to look for her at the face painting and tatoo table. No Caitlyn. I walk around the carnival once. No Caitlyn. Now, I am about to panic, but I stop and think of what I need to do before I lose control.

I see another little girl's father who knows me and Cate. And I ask him if he has seen her. He said no and immediately said that he would start looking. I also ask him to tell the other parents that I can't find her. Matt said he would start looking inside the school as the doors were open and the kids were allowed to go in and out.

Now is when I am about to lose control. All I can think is that these few hundred kids out on this playground is heaven for some sicko. But I refrain from panicking as I know that I can't do that if I am going to find this child quickly....and because I don't want to look like a complete ass in front of the entire school.

I go to the DJ and tell him that he needs to announce that Caitlyn should go to the swings. He tells me he will when the song is over. Yeah, that's not going to work for me but thanks for playing. So I tell him that she is only 4 years old and I can't find her that he needs to stop the song and do it now. He looked at me like I was crazy, but only for a brief moment. I think the tip off for him had something to do with the fact that my hands were clenched into fists?

So he makes the announcement. I look around for a couple more seconds then realize that I should probably go over to the swings in case she heard the announcement and heads over there.

Lo and behold. I go to the swings and there is my girl. Smiling at me cause she is excited that they said her name on the microphone. I quickly scoop her up and bathe her with kisses. And my heart finally stops pounding and I no longer feel the urge to cry hysterically. Turns out she was in the jungle gym and I couldn't see her in there. And of course, I realized later that it didn't occur to me to actually look in there in the first place.

Then I walk around so that I can let all of the people know that I have located her that were looking for her. I must say though, that the other parents were all over that shit with me and were scouring the playground looking for her. Which really made me feel good when it was over with.

Amazing how long those few minutes felt for me though. And I really hope that I never have to relive those few minutes ever again.

That's all she wrote

I am now officially considering the school year finished. I have run around all morning picking up equipment from 4 different schools. We are completely moved upstairs. Most of my boxes are unpacked. Now all I need to do is take inventory of all the equipment that we have in our library and I will be on summer vacation. Of course, I can't do inventory until I hook the computer up that the inventory software is on....but that is waiting until Monday.

Tomorrow is Caitlyn's school picnic and she is so very thrilled that both her mom and her dad are going with her. I was a little peeved about this whole picnic deal, but I am picking and choosing my battles. Turns out the kids can't attend unless they are accompanied by an adult. Which I can completely understand. However, on the calender, it is officially a school day, not a day off. So technically speaking, I should be allowed to take my child to school and leave her there as is the custom every other morning. But I won't argue. If anything, I am getting to take a day off work to hang out with my girlie and the husband. So it can't be all bad right?

Currently, Caitlyn is counting down the days to summer vacation with me....as well as the days to her birthday. Holy smoke this kid is going to be 5!!!! I am starting to get all weepy when I think about it now. And not for the reasons that I used to get all weepy. I used to think about how tragically her life began and how far she has come. Now I get all weepy because she is getting so big. And it seems like it is happening all so fast all of the sudden. This kid's first 2 years dragged ass. More than likely it was because she was in the infant stage for soooooo long having to catch up with everything. Once 2 hit, this child went into fast forward. And now when I hold her, I think of when she was little enough for her whole body to fit on my torso, or when she was little enough for me to carry around like a sack of potatoes. Not so much anymore.

The other day at my mom's house, she was all snuggly with Matt and giving him all kinds of loving. She couldn't get enough of his kisses and couldn't seem to get close enough to him. He was all smiley, naturally. I told him that he needs to hang on to this as soon enough this kid won't want him coming near her to even kiss her on the cheek.

Ahhh, waffling. Okay, off to find something to complete here at work. Maybe I will hook the computer up after all so that I don't feel as though I am doing nothing. Though that can't be all bad can it??

The Antichrist Part II

So I had the second meeting today that I thought was sure to be a complete nightmare because of The Antichrist, aka the Advocate. So all damn day I willed my child to fall on the playground at school and break an arm so I wouldn't have to go to this damn meeting. No such luck obviously, as this post is not called "Caitlyn Broke her Arm." So I go to the meeting, reluctantly, with the Assistive Tech Coordinator in tow. Because I was NOT going to be slandered by this woman. The whole point of this meeting was that it was called because the mom did not feel as though her son's AT needs were being met. And I figured if the Antichrist got word of that, then she was sure to be all over my ass. So I figured I would bring some back up.

Meeting starts, mom, dad, special ed coordinator, teacher, resource teacher, AT coordinator, and myself sit down. NO ADVOCATE! Turns out, the parents can't afford her anymore as they are paying for their son to get outside tutoring of sorts. Thank God in heaven!!!! And to be perfectly honest, the family is better off without her.

And needless to say, I feel like a jerk for willing my girl to break her arm....even though it didn't pan out that way :P

The First 90+ Degree Weekend of the Year

And a good time was had by all....especially Caitlyn. She couldn't get over to Grandma Linda's house fast enough on Saturday morning to spend the entire day in the pool. And she has the pink shoulders (sdespite loads of sunscreen) to prove it.

Sunday was spent all day in Grandma Rita's pool with dad. Mom got to stay home and enjoy the lonliness of the house. That was until Bobby, Donna, and Magee came over. Turns out their air conditioning was broken and they didn't want to spend the day sweltering in their place. Gee can't understand that?

And today, we all went back to Grandma Linda's to enjoy the pool once again. That was until the rain came in. But it made for a good excuse to get the kid out of there and home for a much needed bath. You would think that will all the pool time I have the cleanest kid around. But it is amazing how gross hair can become from chlorine and sunscreen.

Tomorrow will be the day of hell at work for me. It's like the last big day before the end of the school year hits. I have another IEP meeting with the Antichrist. Can't wait for that shit. After that, it's back to my office to complete the packing for the move that will be taking place on Wednesday. Once that is over, it should be smooth sailing to the 16th. And of course that date depends on my transition there. If not, then it is smooth sailing to the 30th. Either way, I am considering the year completed as of Wednesday.....no questions asked.

Oy!! The Questions!!!

Caitlyn has never really inquired much about certain things in her baby pictures. To her, every baby has wires and tubes sticking out of every hole in their body. It has never been an issue with her really. Until now that is. Suddenly she is very eager to know all about her entrance into this world. She is so intrigued about her start in life. We are constantly looking at pictures now and she ask about every.little.thing.in.each.picture.

It is very difficult to explain away some of the things that have happened to her in her short little life. However, I try to explain them in terms that she can understand (note, the explanations I have below, are really just my summations :P)

It seems like every question that I answer leads to another question for her.

The first question that she had was why she had to have a tube in her throat when she was a baby. She wanted to know if it was hard for her to breathe with it in there. Quite the contrary my love :P So I explained it to her, she needed the tube to help her breathe. And she was satisfied with this....for a while.

Next question, why is there a tube in my nose too mommy? Well, you were a piss poor eater and we had to get food into you somehow since you sucked at drinking a bottle. Satisfied....for about a week.

Then..."Mommy, why do I have scars on my hands and my leg?" Well, there are several explanations for those you see my dear. The hand scars, those are from all the pricks (and I don't mean doctors) that you required. The blood transfusions, the blood draws, the medications that we injected, etc. Now the one on your leg, that's a whole different story. See your skin was paper thin and well a mindless nurse pulled tape off a little to harshly, hence, ripping your skin off.

This leads us up to yesterday in the car when she about broke my heart. On the way to my mom's, "Mommy, why did they have to cut your belly to take me out?" Because mommy was basically dying, ogran after organ shutting down. And basically, it was because of the squirmy little fetus inside of me. She then says, "But it was too early for me to come out of your belly. Why didn't they leave me in longer?" Yes it was early. No they couldn't leave you in there any longer. Crying a little now, she says, "But I wanted to stay in there. Didn't you want me to?" Oh my love, more than you could ever imagine!!

So yesterday evening, she was sitting on the toilet peeing. And I hear her pleading with someone about something. I go to the door. And she is crying, and I mean crying. Saying to hersself,
"Why? I don't want them to cut my belly to take my baby! Please Mommy don't let them cut my belly open!" I am not sure who she was talking to, or why she was even having this conversation with the unknown person. But I do know that this subject is weighing so heavily on my little girl's mind and I can't fucking stand it!

Organized Sports and other things

I signed the girl up today for Pre K soccer. Not that I am a fan of soccer (I actually know pretty much nothing of the sport other than the intent is to kick the ball into the net). She is completely thrilled. And also hesitant and nervous about playing. She is terrinfied about what will happen if she doesn't make a goal. So that is something that I know we are going to have to work through. Practice starts in July and her first game is in mid August. Man oh man is she going to look adorable in that soccer unifrom though....which is my primary concern.

I went to visit some people at a couple of schools I used to work with today. Things seem to be worse than ever in that district which sucks for those employees. But hopefully it will get better for them. On this visit I realized one thing....I am OLD!!!! I say this because the receptionist that works in one of the buildings I met my second year going to this particular school. At the time, her daughter was in 8th grade, possibly 7th, but I am thinking 8th. When I saw her today I asked how her daughter was doing. Lo and behold, she has graduated college, and gotten married. Yeah...I thought maybe she was still in high school. Futile attempt at maintaining my own youth I suppose.

I have discussed a possible pay cut with Matt if I change positions. He is adamant that it can not be a significant one (well duh!). So now I anxiously await Monday to see what happens there.

Symmetry

Caitlyn is talking about symmetry these days. Seems they went over it in school about 2 weeks ago and she is still processing it I guess.

Cate: Mom, did you know our bodies are symmetrical?

Mom: What???

Cate: Our bodies are symmetrical. It means they are the same on both sides if you fold it in half.

Mom: (in complete shock of course) Wow! You are one smart little lady my love :)

In other news....
I am looking into reworking my contract at work. See, I think I am one of the few teachers on the planet that doesn't have the summers off. And I am not including teachers that opt to teach summer school or work summer camps at school or anything like that.

When I took this new position almost 2 years ago, I agreed to an 11 month contract. Cause at the time it really didn't seem so bad. (Don't ask me what the hell I was thinking, I'm not sure.) It still allowed me about 6 weeks off in the summer and time to take off around Christmas and Spring Break. But the downside is that I always have to make sure that I have enough days and worry about that. So there has been a big transition at my job and there are some openings. These openings would allow for me to move into the 10 month position and have the summers and other breaks off without having to worry about saving my vacation time and what not.

Seems like it is a no brainer conclusion right? Wrong. I would have to take a pay cut. Now, I haven't met with my boss to figure out exactly why I would have to take a pay cut when I am doing the same job. I think I am most confused by it because I am a salaried employee as opposed to an hourly employee. So I am not sure how all of that works into less pay for me.

Bottom line I guess is that I have to see how much of a pay cut that it is and go from there. Besides the issue of the pay cut, there are so many other things to take into consideration. Things like the teacher's retirement fund, putting myself back down on the totem pole and allowing myself to be riffed for the next 5 years, etc.

When I began thinking about this and talked to my boss about it a few months ago, the decision really did seem much easier to make! I am meeting with my boss next week to have everything laid out in front of me before I make my decision....let's just hope the pay cut isn't so drastic that I can't afford to make the move.

My Servant

When I was little, I can remember my mother saying to me that I was her slave. That she had children so that she would in fact have slaves. Now, I know she didn't mean this to be true (well mostly). And I have heard other moms refer to their kids as slaves. I think I may have even done it. Turns out, Caitlyn does think she's my slave.

Mom: Cate will you hand mommy her pop from the table?

C: Why can't you get it yourself?

M: Cause I asked you nicely to get it for me and I get things for you when you ask me to.

C: (bringing the can over to me reluctantly) You treat me like a servant!

And of course, the word servant as you and I say it, is not the way the girl says it. If you have ever heard her talk, you would swear that she is from the Bronx. So as the word servant came out of her mouth, I started to laugh hysterically. To which she screamed at me...

"Well you do and I don't like it!"

So now I am just waiting for the opportunity to throw that right back at her the minute she asks me for something ;) (man I need to start being nicer to this kid)

The time seems to have come

Matt is now actively pursuing a referral from our primary care physician to a urologist. That's right. He wants a vasectomy. Now most couples have lengthy discussions on whether or not to have the procedure done. Matt and I...there have been all of about 2 discussions (if that's what you really want to call them) regarding the procedure.

We have opposing opinions on it you see.

He wants to have one done pronto.

I want to wait....how long? No idea. But I don't think this is the decision that I want him to make.

And I say him, because he is basically saying it is up to him as an individual because there really is no middle ground on the issue. And I have to agree with him about that. Where is the compromise on "I want to try again" and "I don't ever want to try again."???? There isn't really. There is no way to meet in the middle. You either want another child or you don't.

Matt has very valid reasons for this. I won't deny him that. He is afraid of several things.
1. another miscarriage
2. another extremely premature birth
3. almost losing his wife and his unborn child yet again

I can't deny that those are very valid concerns.

I have very valis reasons for not wanting him to do it.
1. another pregnancy
2. another baby
3. a sibling for Caitlyn
4. a fucking pregnancy to not be yanked away from me mid stream or otherwise by the ever cruel Mother Nature.

Now the irony of it all is this...Matt's reasons for not wanting another child are the same as mine, while my reasons for wanting another child are the same as his reasons. The joke of it all is that there is no in between.

I was watching Caitlyn ride her bike last night. And it is amazing to me that only 5 years ago, I would have NEVER imagined her doing the things she does today or being the child that she is today. See those neonatologists are so very good at giving you the worst case scenario. Problem is they never give you the best case scenario to counteract that with. So you really believe the worst is going to be. So while I was watching it her it occurred to me...this may be what it is the plans for me. Maybe I am supposed to be Caitlyn's mom only.

Whenever the topic of another child arises within our family (mind you this is rare as no one every wants to upset me with this conversation) I always say to people "Why should I tempt fate again?" When in reality I am willing to look that bitch square in the face and tell her to bring it! But it's true, why should I tempt fate? I got so so so damned lucky with Cate. There is no denying that for all intents and purposes she is not the norm for a 25 weeker. (Possibly a tad earlier as doctors don't believe that she was quite 25 weeks yet.) We have managed to avoid any of the landmines that could have ended in "the worst case scenario." There are no guarantees that the 3 of us will be as lucky if we were to try again. Maybe that was the first sign that I was only supposed to be Cate's mom???

I wonder often what is the lesser of 2 evils...not being able to get pregnant at all or having your body crap out on you and not allow you to carry a baby???? I mean, obviously neither of the choices are really all that appealing. But seriously, what's worse? If I hadn't been able to get pregnant at all, I wouldn't know what I was so robbed and cheated of. But I have had the amazingness (so not a word) of carrying a pregnancy more than half way through a pregnancy. So what in the hell right do I have to gripe about when some women can't even get that? I've had the pleasure of announcing pregnancy 3 times to family and friends, despite only having one child to show for it. Some women aren't granted that one little pleasure in life. On the flipside, I've also had to tell family and friends that I've miscarried, oh and I have miscarried yet again. If I'd not been able to get pregnant, I wouldn't have had to do that. Fucking double edged sword.

If Caitlyn had not been our first child, and we had an uneventful pregnancy the first go round, I assure you there would be at least one more little Walsh on this planet for me to blog about. But she was our first, and I thank God for her every single day, don't get me wrong. But if that pregnancy hadn't gone so terribly awry, would Matt and I ever even needed to think twice about another pregnancy? I doubt it. But again, Mother Nature is a bad jokster when she really puts her mind to it.

There are positives to him having this done I suppose.
1. I can have sex whenever the hell I want to without having to think quick what the date is and how many days it has been since my last period before running and grabbing a condom.
2. The money saved on all those boxes of condoms will allow us a night out for some good grub once a month too :P
3. Caitlyn will benefit from being the only child (all those rumours about how maladjusted only children are are finally coming to be disproved)
4. I never have to go through all that baby business again...no more diapers, I will NEVER have to potty train another child, no more bottles, no more sleepless nights, no more teaching toddlers that they really MUST hold the railing on the stairs to avoid injuries just short of requiring hospitalization.

The positive list could go on and on and on. But, the negative list really is so short. However, those 4 little negatives I listed somewhere up there...well they far outweigh any of those positives.

Seems to me like a vicious fucking circle. No matter how much I try to convince myself of the positives, I keep hearing the words "no more children" in the back of my head. And to be perfectly honest, that hurts more than I could have ever imagined it would have.

I think my biggest beef with all of this is that it's not me making the decision based on my age or financial situation or any of that. The decision is basically being made for me because my body craps out when it comes to pregnancy. And I think if I can wrap my head around the fact that there is a huge possibility of it happening again then I will be ok with it.

This has got to be my longest entry ever...see what happens when I start waffling about personal shit. Just be thankful you aren't sitting next to me because you would certainly be in for the long haul of about 5 hours worth of my rambling. All to return to the same conclusion that today I don't want him to have it done, but tomorrow I will.

I will stop now, in case I am boring my 4 readers to tears. But rest assured I will be revisiting this topic....I can hear you all applauding about that shit.

This is a gem

This little goodie was given to me by Worry Woman yesterday....so glad that people think of me :)

The Antichrist

I have met her. There is no doubt in my mind. She was disguised as an advocate at an IEP meeting I attended on Wedsnesday. Had to be the nastiest, ugliest, meanest woman that I have ever encountered in my life.

Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against advocates in the IEP process. Matter of fact, I actually believe that any parent who has a child in special education should have one. And they shouldn't have to pay out of their own pockets for them. The special education maze can sometimes be enough to send me over the edge and I have had training and experience in it. I can't even begin to imagine what it does to the parent that has no prior experience with it and no prior knowledge of how things work with it.

That being said....this woman should NOT be allowed to be an advocate. It is one thing to come into a meeting to advocate (hence their titles) for what is best for the child at hand. It is completely another to do nothing but badmouth, bitch and moan, and complain about the staff working with this child. For the most part, the team is doing what they know to do for the kid. Yes there could be improvements, but there always could. And coming in ranting and raving like a lunatic as opposed to asking for x,y, and z will get you nowhere with this team.

At one point, she was actually questioning what qualifications and training the resource teacher had. Now correct me if I am wrong, but having been hired by the school district 2 years ago, she was already checked to make sure that she met the district's standards. The fact that she didn't meet the standards of this advocate is what was amazing to me.

At one point, she actually accused the resource teacher and reading specialist of falsifying the results on the most recent testing they had conducted on this child. They were convinced that there was no way he could have made as much progress as he did. Now correct me if I am wrong, but isn't that the whole fucking purpose of the supports that are in place for him??? To make these amazing gains??? And they accused the team of having their expectations set too low, yet they are the ones questioning how he was able to make that much progress. Doesn't sound to me like their expectations are all that high either.

One of the most ironic things that I saw during the meeting was that when I spoke to mom on the phone in the weeks prior after completing my own evaluation, she was pleasant and responsive to me. Yes she had some concerns and frustrations, but what parent doesn't? However, this advocate opened her mouth and all these atrocities and accusations started flying about, and all it took was that little fire under mom's ass and she became a crazed lunatic as well.

The saddest part of the meeting....the fact that over 2 hours into it, NOTHING was resolved. Nothing in this child's programming had changed (and I'm not so sure that it really needed to), none of their concerns were met with resolution. The only thing that came out of it, was that now the entire team is scrambling to make sure that this kid has anything and everything available to him. Most of which he doesn't even need. But of course, the district is so terrified of due process that they will do anything to avoid it, no matter the costs.

It's days like this that I really hate my job. Most of the time, I really enjoy what I do. For the most part, I have it pretty easy when it comes to my job. Then you run into the devil incarnate and she makes you doubt what you do! Damn woman...she is evil and needs to be destroyed!

Housekeeping

I have neglected to respond to any of my comments that I have gotten....even when they were posed as questions. So here goes.

Shawnee wanted to know where I got the Hello Kitty Bedding from. Target of course ;) And yes, it most certainly looks like the walls have been covered in Pepto Bismol. I take absolutely no offense to that at all.

The dog was not trying to hump Caitlyn. He was jumping up on her with his paws on her chest to lick her face. If he had tried to hump my child, I might have gone just a little ape shit over it. Shawnee, I told my mom want you said to do about me calling the house and just keep saying my name over and over again. And well she had a few choice words for you, and also added that would be willing to hunt you down and harm you if she had to listen to this dog barking all day long.
But on a scarier note...I was looking at my little traffic report the other day. And because of this very post, someone who searched "woman fucking her dog" actually came across my blog. And the fact that they hung out and read a few pages gives me the willies to be perfectly honest. So not that I posted about a woman fucking her dog, but because those 4 words, in that specific order, were in the post about the humping dog, they found me. And now, after this paragraph, I can only imagine the visits I will get since technically I am talking about a woman fucking her dog.

The scissors ... well I am really waiting for the day that she cuts her hair. I know it will be coming soon. Matter of fact, she has already tried to cut MY hair with the stupid things. So it really is only a matter of time now.

The Easter Bunny's travel route is nowhere to be found on the internet. I was able to find where Santa was over Christmas, but the Easter Bunny....well he's obviously nowhere near as popular as the fat guy in the red suit.

Yes, Shawnee, I do love me a Cadbury Egg, but only one a year and around Easter. I didn't get one this year :(

And thanks for giving me warm and fuzzies about my child not wanting to be at home anymore. I do know that it's only because of Kelly and the other kids on the block. Add that to the fact that my mother gives her any damn thing that she wants, and it's a pretty good place to be. Kari I would love to come and have a sleepover with you :) But I can't promise an all out hissy fit....but if there are margaritas involved, I am sure that there is a pretty good chance of it LOL.

The Pizza Guy has gotten some reprieve from my child's vulgarities. If you ask her to say it, she won't. If you ask her what she used to say to him, she won't. Now when she hears someone say the F word, she very quickly brings it to their attention that they have spoken a bad word....

Person: "Get the fuck out!"

Caitlyn: "Mommy, fuck is a bad word right?"

So although we are not there just yet, it is progress in my eyes.

She doesn't want to live here anymore

She hasn't come right out and said it. But the girl has been at my mom's house 5 out of the 7 last nights. What is wrong with that picture? I suppose I could say yeeeeehaw that Matt and I are getting as much alone time as we are, nto to mention the fact that I have watched some TV shows uninterrupted. But it's getting a little crazy now when I say we are going home and she cries and cries that she wants yet another sleepover.

I am thinking it has something to do with the fact that Kelly lives there now and they spend all day outside playing together in the beautiful weather that we are having. When you weigh that against coming to her own house where the closest person to her age is her parents, it doesn't seem so strange.

Where can I go and have a sleepover and cry when it comes to coming home?

Only in my world

Yesterday I went shopping for all of the goodies for the Easter Basket for the girl and the cousins. I also picked up the little box of Paas tablets to color the eggs. That event was scheduled for tonight. At 8 o'clock to be exact.

I was right on schedule. House cleaned, dinner eaten, ready to color eggs.

Matt opens the box.....the sealed box.....it's fucking empty. Nothing in it! Not one single little tablet.

Off to the store he went to get a new one, and of course he comes home with one that is far more complicated involving stickers and springs, suction cups and hats for the eggs. I will post pics of them at some point, cute, but a pain in the ass none the less.

Here's some Caitlyese for the day...

Before bed she asked me,

"Mommy can you get on the computer to find the Easter Bunny's schedule to see if he is heading to my house right now."

Love this immediate gratification generation. We had no idea when the damn bunny or santa was showing up when we were kids. Our parents probably put our asses to bed at 6:30 because they told us these characters wouldn't come until we were fast asleep. And there was no way for us to check up on that, we just had to believe them.

The Jelly Bean Contest

We've all seen them. The huge jars filled with jelly beans and you have to guess how many jelly beans are actually in the jar. Now I have never been able to guess how many stupid beans are in the thing. I have never even come close.

They had a jar of jelly beans at Caitlyn's school. All of the kids were encouraged to make a guess. The prize would be a Cadbury Egg (completely worth the guess in my book) and a gift certificate for a local pizza place. So quite a few kids from the school made their guesses. Kids in ages ranging from pre kindergarten (Caitlyn's class) up through 8th grade.

Well, she and Matt are now on spring break, so they were home on Friday. Matt gets a call from her teacher. Guess what??? She won the freakin jelly bean contest.

Now the funny thing is, Caitlyn has no conceptualization of any number over 100. I don't really think that she even knows that numbers that high exist. So when they asked her for her guess, she said to them "60 70." The teacher wrote down 6,070. Another student behind her heard her guess and said 60 80. Again, the teacher write down 6,080. So out of all those kids, two 4 year olds won the prizes :P

Want to know how many jelly beans were in there????

6,049

Child Proof my ASS!!!

Caitlyn loves using scissors. She will cut just about anything that she can get her little fingers on. So we have had the discussion on more than one ocassion about what she is allowed to cut.....paper only. And we haven't had this conversation because she doesn't abide by this rule. It is only because I want to make sure that it is always fresh in her memory when she picks the things up.

Last night, she took her scissors up to her room. And came back down with her doll....her now almost bald doll. So I didn't ream her out, because really where is the harm in a little hair cutting ....hair of the doll that is.

She goes back up with the scissors. A few minutes later I hear her crying. I run up there, and she is screaming that she cut herself with her scissors. I assume it's Caitlyn being the drama queen that we all know that she can be. She shows me her hand and sure as shit, she really did cut herself. Right between her thumb and index finger, you know, that little floppy piece of skin.

So beware, those little scissors with the rounded egdes...not so child proof in my book.

Doggie Style

What I am about to post really isn't nearly as offensive as the title, however, it is so very fitting. The weather today was absolutely gorgeous. So I decided to get this child out of the house since she has been couped up for so long. We played on the porch blowing bubbles, drew with sidewalk chalk, played hopscotch, then as it started to get darker, I told her that we could go for a walk and she could take her scooter or her bike. She decided on the bike.

We get about a block away and she can't go any farther. This is in part due to her small stature, but also due to the fact that the poor girl doesn't have the muscle tone or endurance and strength to go any farther. That damn prematurity thing rears it's ugly head when you least expect it I tell ya!

So of course, I carry the bike back and she runs back to the house. Then we decide to just walk...both of us. We go about a mile and on the way back, we encounter a nice gentleman with a very small dog. Naturally, Caitlyn decides to stop and pet the dog. Well, the dog jumps up and puts it's paws on her chest wanting to lick her face to death. She giggles and runs to me and tells this man....

"He humped me like Rudy humps my Mommy!!"

And she is thoroughly excited about this. The man kind of looks at me, snickers, and says, "Have a nice night." And goes about his own walk.

Now I am mortified because this man probably went home and told his wife about some weirdo woman that allows her small child to watch while she engages in sick sexual play with someone named Rudy.

Little does he know, Rudy is in fact my mother's dog. And the fucking dog humps me everytime I set foot in her damn house. Which of course my mom and Caitlyn, and everyone else in the damn house for that matter, thinks is just the funniest thing that they have ever seen.

This dog has it something terrible for me. If my mother calls me on the phone, all she has to do is say my name and the dog goes apeshit barking like crazy running around the house looking for me. When I won't pay attention to him when I am there, meaning I am not letting the heavy bastard lay on my lap, he is walking around the house barking at me or looking to chew something up.

Well of course, when I called my mom, she thinks this is the funniest thing she has heard all day. Says my name, and the dog goes nutso in the background.

And my poor child now finds nothing wrong with a dog humping her mother???? (Side note, the dog on teh street did not hump my child, I would have stopped that shit immediately.)

Damn dog...why can't Matt be as attentive???

The first night in the bed

Well, I think it went pretty well. We have hardwood floors throughout the house, so every single noise can be heard. For about 45 minutes after Caitlyn got into bed, I could hear her getting in and out of the bed. Seems to me that she thinks needing the step stool for it really is a load of fun. But she managed to stay in there all night until about 6am. Then she made her way into bed with me for the remainder of the time that we had left to sleep...all 60 minutes of it. But that is something that she has always done. Seems she has a radar that lets her know that Matt is out of the bed and she needs to fill that space LOL.

We are having a splendid time on Spring Break, despite the fact that we don't have it at the same time. The nice thing about having it at different times is that I get a couple of hours in the morning to run errands and just hang out by myself. And I really enjoy that, since it's something that I don't get much. The one major downfall, is that I don't get to sleep in at all cause I have to be up to get her ready and off to school. But she is off on Friday, so I will that day :)

Tomorrow she has her spring pictures at school and she is wearing the cutest yellow dress. (I know I am biased, but really, she is so darn cute in it.) So when those come in, I will throw them up here for your viewing pleasure. After I pick her up and run her home to get changed, we are going to hang out and the mall. Now she wants to pull some money out of her piggy bank and buy herself some Hello Kitty posters. So I told her that we would go to Claire's and she could pick out some HK stuff for her room. We'll probably eat there as well...cause that's what Americans do, shop and ruin their credit and over indulge on mall food making them obese. But that is a post for another time I suppose LOL

And I finally got the canopy up. With no help from Matt I might add. He refused to put a hook in the ceiling. We have plaster walls and that makes hanging anything much more difficult. So I ran to Walgreens (firstly for the cream to help cure the itching issue I have going on) and picked up one of those 3M hooks that are sticky. Not sure if that's going to hold it up there, but we'll see. If it doesn't then I will just hang the damn hook up there myself and not even tell him. Chances are he wouldn't notice it until she moves out of the bedroom anyway.

It's here!!!

It has arrived and is now all set up, minus the canopy. I have to go get a hook for the ceiling for that. Caitlyn couldn't be more thrilled about it. She loves it and has spent all afternoon up there (added bonus for me not having to fight for the computer with her). She couldn't run out of the door at school fast enough to set it all up and even bypassed the opportunity to go to the McDonald's playland for lunch so that we could come home and set it up.



And just to note how wonderful she thought it was, she took a nap in it in pure Caitlyn form ;)

Tomorrow is the big day

The room is cleaned and the bed frame is waiting for the new matresses. Once they are here tomorrow, they will set them up for me. Now I am debatting whether or not to get everything ready for her and surprise her or wait for her to get home to put it all up with me. After having to clean the room out with her home tonight, I am thinking it may be easier to do it while she is gone. But I know how excited she is about having it all done, so waiting for her help may be the way to go.

In other news, I went for my annual with the girlie doc today. All is well with the bits and pieces with the exception of a little bit of Vulvar Dystrophy. Sounds horrid right??? Well, basically it is fancy medical terminology for I am itching like a mad woman and wreaking havoc on my own bits and pieces. Nothing that a little cortisone shouldn't clear up in about 3 months.....yes! 3 months!!! Now, I would doubt her about that, but again, she was pretty much dead on with the recovery time for shingles, so I am going to have to assume that she is also correct on this one as well. Unfortunately.

Will post some pics of the room after it's all ready :)

Woooooohooooooo

As of 3pm this afternoon I will be on Spring Break!!! Counting down the hours here. Tomorrow I am chapperonning a field trip with the girl to the zoo. Which shoudl be loads of fun considering it is going to be a whopping 38 degrees tomorrow. I'm sure that will make all of the animals come right on out for us to stare at them. The one good thing is that they got so many responses from the parents, that you are only responsible for your child plus one other. And that I am all about ;)

From the big girl bed, to an even bigger girl bed

Caitlyn has one of those fancy smancy (not really a word?) cribs that converts from a crib to a toddler bed to a full bed. Well, she has been in the toddler bed phase of it for about 2 years now. In the recent months, she has begun falling out of her bed. The reason is trifold....

1. She is too damn long for this bed being her ginormous 44 inch self

2. The kid loves to sleep on the very edge of the bed; always has, even used to snuggle up to the plexiglass of the incubator (doesn't sound enticing to you and I, but she loved it right along with burying her face...vent tube and all...into the bedding)

3. The insane amount of stuffed animals that have taken up residency on her toddler bed.

Numbers 1 and 2, I take no issue with. It is the number 3 reason that really pisses me off. If this kid would allow me to do something, anything, with the 47 friends on her bed, we may have been able to stay in this bed for a few more months. But you see, they have to stay in the bed. Otherwise they get cold, or lonely, or a myriad of other reasons that she comes up with when questioned about the damn things.

So last night, Matt and I with Caitlyn in tow went to go buy the full size matress and box spring for her new "Even Bigger Girl Bed" as we are referring to it in the house. Luckily we were able to snatch up a set that was on clearence as a floor model. So what would have been a near $1600 purchase (with tax, delivery, and bed frame) only ended up costing just over $700. Not too bad for a bed that will hopefully last this child until she moves out of my house.

This weekend we will be doing some shopping her and I. Grabbing some new bedding and pillows and other fun stuff for the new bed that will be arriving next Tuesday. Luckily, she asked me this morning if she could keep her room pink with princesses....damn straight girlie. Cause that means no painting and redecorating for me :)

And the kciker of it all....

"Mommy, now my stuffed animals will have even more room when they sleep with me."

Damned stuffed animals...I am thinking that we need to stage a kidnapping to get them all the hell out of my house. Anyone willing to drive the get away car?

Bad bad bad bad blogger

Yes I know I have been neglectful. Kari was very quick to point that out to me. So Kari, here is an entry, a nice looooong one just for you :P

Things have been busy in the land of the Walshes. Yet it seems as though we haven't gotten much accomplished. How in the hell does that happen?

Sunday was my birthday and a fabulous time was had by all. Caitlyn woke me up, after letting me sleep in, with a birthday card for me. Made me a little weepy as she wrote "MOM" on the outside of the envelope. She was so very excited about that she could hardly contain herself. She then insisted that I get out of bed promptly as there were many more surprises waiting for me downstairs. And indeed there were....

Matt got me flowers, which happens on a rare ocassion. He also got me an onion bagel (my favorite). In case I wasn't in the mood for that, he bought chocolate donettes (yes they are already gone and have been for a couple of days now). And to be even safer, there was a cheese danish on the counter for me. Basically he was covering all of his bases. Knowing that I can be somewhat fickle (he calls it crabby) in the morning, he wanted to make sure that whatever I wanted to eat for breakfast was there for me. What a guy :)

Then we dropped the girl off at my mom's to play with Kelly. We went to a matinee (read cheap) to see Failure to Launch. Cause who doesn't want to see Matt??? He is so on my list, though it isn't laminated LOL. Then we went to dinner at the Macaroni Grill. I am convinced that this is my new favorite restaurant. And I only discovered it about 2 months ago. And I am so glad that I did. They have great food there.

So here is my Caitlyn funny....

Last night we were playing inher bedroom. She wanted me to be the daughter while she was the mom. She was in her little kitchen making me dinner, soup. Everytime that she would ask if I like something that she was going to add, I would tell her no, just like she does to me. Her response...

"Well you have to eat it hunny cause it is good for you."

Now why is it when I say that to her, it doesn't matter???? So when I insisted I wasn't going to eat it, she started wagging her index finger at me telling me I had to. Know why?

"When I wave my finger at you like this hunny you HAVE to do it."

Really? Is that all it takes to get a kid to eat a decent meal? Man oh man have I been going about this the wrong damn way for a couple of years.

So I was given turkey, ketchup, mustard, corn, peas, tomato sauce, and hot dog soup. I think I may have to add it to the list of recipies to try. Along with a can of Sprite.

She asked me a few times to be the mom and I told her I didn't want to. That she could be the mom since technically, I am always the mom. After arguing with me she yells out...

"I don't want to be the mom!!! I hate being the mom!!!"

Welcome to my world on a bad day with you kid!

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Update on the f word....yes it has slipped a few times. BUT, I am so much better! I have even stopped myself from saying it on several ocassions. I am even managing to type it less when the gals and I are chatting on messenger. The funny thing is, now I am realizing how much Matt says it. I think I will need to have a little chat with him about that ;) I can now you know, cause it won't make me a hypocrite LOL

And it hasn't fell from Caitlyn's lips since the Pizza Hut incident.