New Voting Machine

This is priceless. Matt and I were watching Chocolate News on the Comedy Channel, don't ask, it was on after South Park, and this was a skit on there. I thought it was hysterical. Let's just hope it's nowhere near the truth!

Oh, and wish me luck tomorrow. We are meeting with the teacher at 3:00. Say at prayer at that time that I don't hurt this lady and end up in jail. Will update tomorrow after the meeting.

A Horrible Nightmare

Before I tell you about the dream I had last night, here is the reply from Cate's teacher regarding the email we sent her. Now this just pisses me right off for several reasons.

Mr. Walsh,

I can meet with you on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday afterschool at 3:00 or later if that is more convenient for you. Please let me know what time works for you.

Mrs. L

No mention of anything that we brought up in the letter. Also, second email we have sent, both have included me, they just came from Matt's email. First time she called Matt and completely ignored me. This time, completely ignored me again, despite the fact that our email was signed from both of us. This woman is not chalking up any points from me. God help her on Monday at 3:00. I want you all to say a silent prayer that I don't end up on Cops. Please.

Now on to the hellish nightmare that I had last night that I haven't been able to stop thinking about. ALL. DAMN. DAY!!!

Every morning I drive 2 blocks north and 1/2 a block east to drop Caitlyn off at my mom's house. I walk her in the house, say my goodbyes, give kisses and hugs, and I am out the door.

In my dream last night, I decided to drive the 2 blocks north. And that's it. I opened the car door and took Cate out and said to her:

"You can walk from here. You know the way."

I gave her kisses and a hug, and I remember touching her cheek as I kissed her. Then I got in my car and drove off. Fast forward to hours later (isn't that always how dreams work?) and I am back at home. There are loads of people there, my family and friends, but no Matt and no Cate. Turns out, she never made it to my mom's. And all I can think of is how in the world did she not get there? She only had to walk a bit over 1/2 block??? Then it occurs to me. My child is missing. She has been abducted. I have no clue for how long, who would have walked or driven up to her, who she stopped to talk to, nothing. and I begin sobbing hard. To the point that I can hardly breathe.

I then notice that everyone around me is just carrying on as if it's business as usual. Just another party or gathering at Nancy's house. So I start to think that they must know something that I don't. And I then flip flop my thoughts between two lines of thought.

1. She just hasn't made it to my mom's yet. (It never occurred to me that it shouldn't have taken her that long to walk the small distance to my mom's.)
2. She has been abducted.

At one point I remember someone saying that they knew a car had pulled up to talk to her. But I kept thinking it was impossible that she got in that car because we have had that conversation. She knows better.

Then Matt calls. Mind you, I haven't yet told him that his daughter is missing. I actually debate whether or not to tell him, or wait just a bit longer for her to make it to my mom's house. (Apparently I was really clinging to this theory and all logic had gone out the window.) I decide to tell him and again break down into hysterical sobs, to the point of not being able to breathe again. The whole time, these people are meandering about my house as if they couldn't comprehend why in the world I was so upset.

Then my alarm went off. I woke up dripping with sweat and my face covered in tears. I ran into Cate's bedroom and guess what I saw?? She wasn't in there. Nope. Gone. It took me a minute to actually realize that she hadn't been in there all night cause she slept at my mom's last night. But for that fleeting moment, I actually thought that the dream was in fact reality and somewhere among the people milling about my house I had fallen asleep and when I woke up it was really true that she was missing.

Needless to say, I called my mom's to talk to her. It was almost as if I had to just make sure that she was fine. I swear I haven't been able to stop thinking about this all day. It has been nagging at me. and I have come to the resolution that whether she likes it or not, she is not going anywhere without me for a looooooooong time.

An email has been sent

Matt and I have sent an email to the teacher requesting a conference for any day after school next week. We have also sent a copy to the principal. I am thoroughly pissed and disgusted with this teacher. I am near the point of asking that Caitlyn be moved to another 2nd grade classroom and Matt agrees with me. The only thing stopping me from doing that is the fact that Caitlyn enjoys the kids that she has in there and I certainly don't want to do that to her.

I had Caitlyn outline the day and tell me the exact schedule of what they did. At no time in the afternoon did the teacher take them to the bathroom. She also made it clear to the kids that she was not to be disturbed as she was testing other students. My daughter took that literally and thought she wasn't allowed to ask her anything.

Another thing Caitlyn told me she said (and Caitlyn quoted her):

"Don't bring full water bottles. I am sick of you having emergencies, emergencies. Especially when we are working."

News flash bitch....they wouldn't have emergencies, emergencies if you actually carted them to the bathroom as a group once in the morning and once in the afternoon. And who is she to say that school policy of bringing in water is no longer acceptable.

The longer it takes for me to get a meeting with this lady, the longer I have to seethe about this.

It's not getting any better

The situation with the teacher that is. Truly, I think we are now at the point where she is just out to punish me, which directly correlates to punishing my child. Which in turn, directly correlates to me being a really pissed off mother.

Now we all know how things went with the snack issue. Well, I haven't pursued it any further. Partly because when I really think about it, it isn't directly effecting Caitlyn. It is more so my own pride that has been getting in the way. So I figured I would suck it up and just send the damned fresh fruits and vegetables after all. It's not difficult for me to do so I will just suck it up and do it.

Until the two instances that occurred in the past week.

Some history, we all know that Caitlyn is a fantastic reader. I recently told her that from now on, she will be reading more chapter books and fewer easier books. And by chapter books, I mean chapters that are about 4 pages long. I just want her to get in the habit of reading things that are a little tougher for her. For every 2 chapter books she reads, she can read any 2 books that are easy that she wants. I figure it's a good compromise. Secondly, the school issues library cards for the Chicago Public Library. They send home these elaborate letters about how we should encourage our child to use the library, take out books, learn how to look for books, etc. Being the good mother that I am (usually) I follow this and traipse her over to the library to take out books. We have actually been doing it since last year and the girl loves it. So I tell her to take Gus the Greedy Puppy to school so she can finish it during silent reading.

Caitlyn obliges and takes the book out when the teacher announces that it is time for silent reading. She takes the book up to the teacher and tells her that she got it from the library and she was going to finish reading it. No what the teacher's response was? No, you have to read a book from the classroom library.

WTF??? REALLY????

I was going to confront the teacher, then thought better of it. This bitch is digging her own grave with me. No doubt about it. First of all, anytime a kid shows interest in reading, you allow them to read. Secondly, who really gives a shit where the book came from? It's not like I sent her to school with Playboy or anything. I wouldn't do that until at least 4th grade :)

Then yesterday happened. Again, a bit of history. Caitlyn came home last week and told me not to send her water bottle to school with her. See we get another elaborate note from school every year about how kids need water to learn. When they are hydrated, they are more alert, etc. Again, I follow the directions. I asked Cate why she didn't want it sent and she said the teacher told the class that there are too many bathroom "emergencies." So Cate was worried that if she had the water bottle, she would have to go to the bathroom. Well sure she will, it's the natural progression of things right?

So she comes home yesterday and it turns out she had an accident. A pee accident. The way Caitlyn tells it, they didn't get a bathroom break during lunch. Which is at 11:30. Nor did they go in the afternoon at all. Caitlyn asked at one point to go to the bathroom and was allowed to go. A little later the teacher went on a tirade about the "emergencies" again and after Cate went to the bathroom she said no one else was going. Again.....WTF???? REALLY???? Maybe if you took them to the bathroom at regular intervals throughout the day, these kids wouldn't have to ask you to go on an individual basis. But I digress.

Around 2:15, Caitlyn had to go to the bathroom. Badly. It was an emergency. She heard the teacher earlier, so she was afraid to ask. She relieved herself a bit in her pants. Probably enough to release the pressure that was building in the poor child's bladder. She told her teacher she had a small accident, who then said ok and sent her to the office. The office sent her back to class as they don't have a change of clothes for her. Nor does her teacher. See normally, my kid, like other 7 year olds, don't have accidents when they are allowed to go to the bathroom, so there was no need to send in a change of clothes. Caitlyn sat in the damp pants until she got to my mom's house around 2:50. Where she proceeded to break down into hysteria because she was so upset that she had an accident.

This morning, I told my daughter if she ever felt like she really had to go like that again and the teacher says no, that she is to leave that damn classroom and go to the bathroom. I certainly don't want my daughter suffering from a UTI, bladder infection, etc because this bitch won't take her class to the bathroom.

I haven't yet figured out what I am going to do. I don't know what to do. All I know is, this woman is in a serious power struggle with me and she is taking it out on my kid. and I am not having any of it. I want to see what happens after school today. Because of course, I sent her to school with a Junie B Jones book that certainly didn't come from the classroom library. If she even utters a syllable of disgust, this woman is going to feel my wrath. I have to talk to Matt about what we are going to do, because I think things are progressing to a point that indicates that they are only going to get significantly worse.

Progress Reports

Progress reports came home from school on Friday. Caitlyn has amazed me once again. She has all A's right now in her subjects which is fantastic. But that's not the part that amazed me. They are doing DIBLES testing again, it was done earlier in September. They don't look at as many categories as they did last year; this year they only look at nonsense word fluency and oral reading fluency.

Benchmark for nonsense word fluency is 50 words per minute. Caitlyn is reading 54. So she is meeting the benchmark.

Benchmark for oral reading fluency is 44 words per minute. Caitlyn is reading 98. 98!!!!!! The benchmark for June is 90. The average words per minute read by a third grader is between 100-110. To say I am stunned is an understatement. This kid is cruising along in the area of reading. And what's even more amazing is not that she reads at this level. Cause we all know decoding words isn't the most important part of reading. What's important is whether or not you can comprehend what you have read. And lo and behold, she is.

On Thursday last week, she read her first chapter book completely on her own. She was so very proud of herself for reading a book that had close to 100 pages. And I think her mom is pretty stinkin proud of her too. Then over the weekend, she read another chapter book. So now she is all gung ho to go through her bookshelf and clean out the books that are just too easy for her. And I am all about that seeing as we have books crammed in every nook and cranny of that shelf and 2 tubs full of them as well. Now I need to figure out what to do with all of them.

In other news, Matt's football team is tied for first place in his conference. He is playing the team he is tied with on Friday. So any good vibes you can send on over to Chicago would be spectacular. I would love for him to win his conference.

My school district has signed a new contract. So there will be no striking for us. Thank goodness. Things are crazy there as usual. Though it seems to be a much calmer year than it was last year. We had a couple "high profile" kids leave at the end of last year, so I think that's the reason.

As for my master's program, I have 2 really intense classes this term. One of the classes is online and I swear it is more work than the classes I sit in class for. The class that I have on Thursday is a huge amount of work. And I am convinced the instructor doesn't like me. Which is fine with me, so long as I can manage to get through until December and get the credit for the class. I currently have a 4.0 going and I would like to keep it that way. Let's just hope that the fact that this woman doesn't like me doesn't interfere with that ;)

Caitlyn is leaving for Atlanta on Saturday for a couple of days. She is going there with Rita to visit Jimmy. She is ecstatic about it and has been counting down the days for weeks. I am a little nervous though. Not because she will be away for 2 days in a different state. That happens all the time in the summer when she heads up to Wisconsin with Matt or Rita. What I am nervous about is not being on the plane with her. She isn't afraid of flying, she enjoys it actually. I just worry that if something were to happen, that I wouldn't be there to comfort her. I am sure it will all be fine and she will have a wonderful flight, but it scares me a bit.

What a Week

Life has been rough in the land of the Walshes this week. Started off with me getting a sore throat on Monday. Which by today, has progressed to a full on horrible cold. I have been this sick since I had the shingles. That was the last time that I actually had a cold. So I guess 3 years in between colds is nothing to complain about. But I am still going to because it sucks. Bad.

I also started 2 classes this week. One of which is online. They are both going to be a shit load of work and I really don't know that I am going to be able to keep up with it all. Although, I managed last spring during annual reviews and what not, so I have to keep telling myself that I can do it. I was hoping to graduate with a 4.0, but this term may do me in and ruin that dream. It's quite possible that I could end up with a B in one or both of the classes. Only because I would have to settle for work that isn't A quality in order to maintain my sanity. But it's only the first week, so I have to see how things turn out.

Work is crazy. Our district filed an intent to strike on Tuesday. Which means that we could be on strike as early as 26th. Scary. While I am hoping that it doesn't happen, I think that we are correct in demands that we have set. A fair contract is all we are asking for. Nothing more than what we feel we deserve. If we do end up going on strike, look for me at your local Wal**Mart as I will probably be getting a job as a greeter. "Welcome to Wal....will you be needing a cart today?" I have been practicing in front of the mirror. Can you tell?

Caitlyn is doing fantastic in second grade. She loves it. She loves her classroom and her friends and her teacher. She did tell me this morning that when the teacher writes on the white board, it is often hard for her to read it. I made her promise that she will ask the teacher if she can move her seat closer or if the teacher can write larger. While the Mama Bear side of me wanted to spring to action and call the teacher about it, I decided that I would first allow Cate to do some self advocating first. She is perfectly capable of it, and it is certainly a skill that I think all children should learn. So hopefully whe I ask her after school if her desk has been moved (which it has already been moved 3 times this year and I m not sure why) she will tell me that it has. Or that the teacher has made another accommodation to help her see the board. Will keep you posted.

Only 6 more hours and I can go home, take some sleepy time meds, and crawl into bed where I plan on staying for the duration of the weekend!

An Award

For little ol' me? How sweet of Tiffany to think of me :) You should check out her blog. I do love when she goes on tirades about how stupid people can truly be. She is a woman after my own heart, at least when it comes to cursing people out ;)

Now for some nominees on my end:

Of course I have to nominate Stephanie. She is the person that got me in to this whole blogging thing anyway. Although, I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. But I love her dearly and she has some really cute kids too.

Next up would have to be Kari. She was a little hesitant to start blogging at first. But I will say that once she started, she became a maniac! She has three beautiful babies, all born prematurely. And she has such an amazing outlook on life despite the crappy hand that she is sometimes dealt. While you are visiting her blog, you should check out her dad's blog too. Every now and again, Gary manages to make me tear up when he writes about his daughters and grandchildren.

Here is another Stephanie. She has boy girl twins who were born 17 weeks early. Here husband is an aspiring professional boxer, who is doing amazing things with his career. Stephanie is always so articulate when she and I are discussing issues related to prematurity. Unfortunately, her blog is private, so following the link will prompt you to log in. If you want to read her children's amazing stories, send her an email for login information.

And last but certainly not least, I nominate Abby and Sharon, they are Hallie and Olivia's moms. Hallie has certainly managed to give these ladies a run for their money when comes to feeding issues. I swear they could both be certified nutritionist after all they have been through. Hallie is an amazing little girl who never ceases to amaze me.


Here are the instructions for the following Brillante Weblog Premio award recipients:



1.Place the Logo on your blog


2.Link to the person who awarded you


3.You can nominate up to 5 blogs


4.Add their links to your blog


5.Leave a message in the comment section of their blog to notify the winners.

Stephanie is right

In a few years I will look back at this ridiculous string of posts and laugh my ass off. I know that. Like I said, I am laying low for now until I can have my ducks in a row. Although I can tell that my kid is wanting to really push the buck with this too. When I asked her what she wanted for snack she said that she really wanted to take dried fruit. Now she knows that the teacher told Matt this is not acceptable. But she also knows that her mother will go to bat for her if need be. And to be honest, I think my kid gets a kick out of me raising hell in her defense. She is just too smart for her own damn good I tell you.

So we got a note home yesterday that the kids are encouraged to wear red, white, and blue today. For obvious reasons. Well, last night when Cate and I were picking out her clothes, she wanted to know what holiday it was today. And I told her it was "Patriot Day" and that it wasn't technically a holiday. She wanted to know why she had to wear certain colors if it wasn't in fact a holiday at all.

And then I had to explain to her why she was being asked to wear the colors of the flag. And it was horrible. I could see the fear in her face. I tried to put it all in to kid terms as much as I possibly could. But no matter how gently you say that bad men flew an airplane into a building and killed thousands of people, it doesn't lessen the blow. I think the worst part of the conversation was when Cate asked me if the men flying the plane meant to kill those people and I had to tell her yes. the absolute look of confusion on her face paired with her fright was gut wrenching.

I tried to tell her that the reason her uncle is a soldier is to try and prevent things like this from ever happening again. That wasn't going to console her. If anything, she was concerned by the fact that there is the possibility that it could happen again. And I know she isn't alone in that fear.

I was able to calm her down and get her giggling eventually. But there is nothing worse than having to tell your child about the evils in the world and knowing that there is nothing you can do to shield them from those things. Whether she learns them from me or hears them from other people, she is going to learn that the world can really be a hateful place at times. And that makes me sad. Sad because I can't keep her in her happy little "everything is right in the world" place forever.

Replying to Comments and an Update

Okay, first of all...4 posts in 4 days? I think that must be a new record for me. Maybe I will set a goal for a post a day for all of the days remaining in September (a girl can dream right!)

This snack saga continues. I need to comment on a some of the things that were said in comments as well let you all know about some new information that I have received as of yesterday.

Steph, I get the issue of a special diet and that putting some restraints on what kids are allowed to bring. However, we have not been informed of any severe allergies in the room thus far.

Kari, she is pretty young, a bit older than me maybe by a few years. I do however, think that she is a very uptight person. Judging from the way that she walks and speaks, she doesn't seem to have a bone in her body that would allow her to chill out. If she does have that bone, then it's the one that is stuck up her bum and it does her no good up there.

Tiffany, I agree that if this woman only has the battle of worrying about my kid's snack, she should be thankful. People like that, they always piss me off. Maybe she should be more concerned with the larger issues that are sure to take place in her classroom.
She was quick to tell Matt on the phone that this is a guideline set by all of the second grade classrooms; there are three of them, so about 100 second graders in all. Out of those 100 kids, I know that I can not be the only parent who takes issue with some of these rules. Which is why I am going to back to school night and talking to parents on the playground when I am able to drop off/pick up Caitlyn. I need to rally my troops so to speak.
In the original letter that was sent out, it was clear that messy foods were not allowed. She doesn't want anything too sticky cause then their desks get all sticky. I am beginning to believe that this woman really is borderline OCD. We are talking about second graders here, 7 years olds. It is their sole purpose in life to be messy and sticky and get everything around them just as messy and sticky as they are. I do wish I would have kept the letter so that I could let show you just how over the top this woman truly is.

Now an update:
Caitlyn was allowed to eat her snack that contained 2 snacks in one yesterday. Which is a blessing. Not for me, but for the teacher. Seriously, if she had denied Cate that snack, you would have been watching the news screaming, "OMG, I totally know that mom from the internet forums we are on!!!" And I would have looked like a crazed lunatic spouting off shit about cheerios and raisins. Although, I may just get off whatever charges are placed due to insanity. Because, really, who goes on and on and attacks teachers over cheerios and raisins. But I digress.

I left work early to pick Cate up from school. There were 3 reasons for my wanting to do this. 1, I had to get the hell out of work. I am overworked and horribly stressed right now. So leaving an hour early did everyone around me some good. 2, I wanted to make sure that Cate was allowed to eat the snack that I packed for her. And if she wasn't, then I was a mere 37 seconds way from the principal's office; to which I would have immediately headed. 3, I wanted to talk to some of the other parents about this issue. Because you know, sometimes I really do over react. It isn't until after I have cooled off and done some research that I realize I have gone temporarily insane and may not have handled things as well as I should have. So I wanted to make sure that I wasn't the only one irritated with the snack policy. Here is what I learned from my playground adventures:

1. It would seem that a child is allowed to have dried fruit for snack. As long as it is not my child. A parent I know fairly well has already sent in dried fruit with no repercutions to their child. Mental note, send in dried fruit and see if teacher denies my child snack, then have this parent speak on Caitlyn's behalf as to why her child was allowed to eat that but mine was not.

2. It would seem that a child is allowed to bring in things like cheese sticks and crackers for snack during the winter months. This was told to me by a parent who had a son in this class last year. He was able to bring his cheese stick and enjoy the hell out of it despite it not being a fresh fruit or vegetable. Unless of course that has recently been added to those food groups unbeknownst to me. This parent also informed me that they received the exact same note, with the exact same guidelines, last year. Which leads me to believe that this policy was in effect last year as well, and she managed to bend the rules for those kids, but again, not for Caitlyn. Same mental note made as above.

3. Mentioning the issue of money and the fact that some of the students receive state assistance and free/reduced lunches upsets some people. Despite the fact that it is true, they certainly don't think that those things should impact whether or not those families can provide only fresh fruits or veggies for snack. Especially in the winter when they cost an arm and a leg. Mental note, those people who don't want to talk about families who struggle and second grade snack isn't priority on their list, suck. I need not talk to them anymore.

4. Saying the word fuck in front of a born again christian, not the best idea. They will just turn their backs and walk away from you. Mental note, avoid that person because I have a trucker's mouth and certainly don't want to offend her further.

So here is what I have decided to do:
I am going to continue to only send in fresh fruits and veggies. In the mean time, I am going to continue talking to other parents to get their impression of the rules that have been laid out for us. I also need to get my hands on parents who have kids in other classes to see if the rules are as stringent in those rooms. Because if they aren't, well then Mrs. L has clearly painted herself into a corner as her foundation for all of this is that the rules can't be bent and it is a second grade policy school wide. All I need is for one parent to say that their child has been allowed to bring something other than fresh fruit/veggies in the last week. Once I have that, this woman is going down.

But I am not making my move until I have all of my ducks in a row. And once I do, this woman will not know what hit her.

The response

Well, it certainly wasn't what I was hoping for. I really just wanted the teacher to say that the note was not to be taken literally. That it could be interpreted to mean a healthy snack and not just limited to fresh fruits and vegetables. But I was not so lucky.

She called Matt after school yesterday around 3:30. Matt expressed his concern with Caitlyn not being allowed to have a snack when hers was deemed inappropriate. Mrs. L replied by saying that she handed out snacks on Wednesday and Thursday to those children that didn't have any. To which Matt quickly replied that our child wasn't even in school on Thursday. And he wasn't concerned with those 2 days, he was concerned with the Friday that his daughter was without a snack. To which she really had no reply other than the fact that it is the responsibility of the parents to provide the snack, not hers. Correct me if I am wrong, but I did provide a snack and you told my child she couldn't eat it???

Matt also questioned what the policy would be if our daughter needed a special diet. He mentioned that she was born extremely premature and often times we boost her food with some added calories to help out in the weight arena. She of course said she knew nothing about Caitlyn's medical history and Matt was quick as a whip in telling her that it's because she just assumed that all was well and she could take his daughter's food away. Every now and again a side of Matt comes out that I just love ;) Matt was worried once he said this that it would prompt the teacher to say that maybe Caitlyn would need a 504 plan if she had special dietary needs. And she may just do that. But this lady certainly doesn't want to play the special ed game with me. Cause she will surely be fighting a losing battle. See in the world of Chicago Public Schools, 504 plans are handed out for some really inane reasons; and mostly incorrect reasons. Her dietary needs in no way impact her educational performance. Thus, no need for a 504. So I dare the woman to spout that shit at me.

Matt also questioned whether or not dried fruit would be allowed. Mrs. L's response was that it is not fresh fruit and not as healthy. It's healthy in other ways. It has many benefits. Benefits that are different than those of fresh fruit. I can print out the literature if she needs me to. I would be more than happy to do that for her.

She did say that it becomes difficult to obtain fresh fruits and vegetables at the height of winter for obvious reasons. But basically said that still only fresh fruit and vegetables would be allowed. I call bullshit on that. In the winter months I am not willing to pay an arm and a leg for these things when I can provide her with dried fruit.

Mrs. L said that as teachers we should understand that if the rules are bent for one child, then other parents will want them bent as well. News flash lady, I wasn't asking for the rules to be bent. I was asking that you allow any and all snacks that are in fact healthy. Whether or not you believe them to be, there is nutritional value to Cheerios and raisins. And dried fruit.

The most amazing thing to me is that there is a large population of children in this school who are receiving free and reduced lunches and breakfast. There are many families who receive state aid who have children that attend this school. While Matt and I can certainly afford to go out and buy fresh fruits and vegetables weekly, there are many families in this community that can not. How dare this woman decide how other families spend their money?

Caitlyn also mentioned when we were at the store that they are only allowed one snack at a time. Last night when I was making lunches, I packed her grape tomatoes and green grapes. I DARE this woman to tell my daughter that she can't have what was packed for her today. I will follow her guidelines, but you can bet your ass that I am going to push the envelope every chance that I get. Unless of course it starts to impact Cate. Then I will follow the rules nicely.
(until the end of the year when I key her car)

This saga is not going to end anytime soon. I think that it is now becoming a power struggle and is going to continue through most of the year. Back to School night is on the 25th; it's a Thursday and I have class. But I will be talking to my professor about missing that night. I want to bring this up in front of all the parents and see what their point of view is on all of this.

The email

Here is the email that Matt and I sent to Cate's teacher. I had to keep telling Matt that he needed to reel it in as he was being really mean and vicious. Then he got angry with me when I would ask him not to use words like deprive, and other words that make us sound as though we are attacking her.

It really was a difficult email to write. Only because what I wanted to say, I couldn't. I really just wanted to lay into her about how she has no right to tell my daughter what she can and can't eat provided what she has is healthy. So it was very frustrating to try and compose this.

Hopefully we will get a response sometime soon. We sent it off last night around 10:00 and I was sick to my stomach after I sent it. All I can think about is the possibility of this teacher now being mean to Caitlyn because of the email. Let's hope that doesn't happen. And God help the woman if it does because Matt is horribly fired up about this whole situation.

Dear Mrs. L,
I was a little concerned when my daughter, Caitlyn Walsh, came home on
Friday, September 5th, and told me that she was not allowed to eat the
snack that my wife, Nancy, and I packed for her. She told us that she was
told she could not eat it because it was not a fruit or vegetable.
However, it was in fact a healthy snack. In case you don't remember what
it was, she had Cheerios and raisins mixed together in a baggie.

I understand that you are trying to promote a healthy lifestyle by having
the children consume fruits and vegetables, and we support that. However,
the Cheerios that we packed for her aide in lowering cholesterol and are
made of whole grains and oats and the raisins are dried fruits (grapes).
We try our hardest to provide Caitlyn with healthy food choices throughout
the day and avoid foods that are high in sugar and fat. Which is why we
thought the snack that we provided was appropriate. We read the note that
was sent home regarding the guidelines of what the students are allowed to
bring as a snack. However, we did not interpret the note to literally
mean that they were only allowed to bring in fruits and vegetables.
Rather, we thought it meant that they were allowed to bring in foods that
were healthy. Which, again, what we provided for her was a healthy snack.

What is more distressing to us, is that when she was told that she could
not eat what was provided for her, you did not replace her snack with
something else to eat. Thus, defeating the purpose of eating a snack
midday entirely. In the future, if you feel that the snack that we
provided for her is somehow inappropriate, it becomes your responsibility
to give her something that you feel is appropriate. At that point, I
expect either an email or a phone call to discuss why the snack provided by us
was inappropriate.

Please know that we are not the type of parents who typically complain
about how a teacher runs their classroom. In fact, my wife and I are also
both teachers. We just feel that this situation was handled poorly and
the only person to suffer because of that was Caitlyn. She was teary eyed
when she told us that we had packed a snack for her that she couldn't have
and was quite angry about it. Please realize that we have also included
Mrs. Ortiz in this email because we wanted her to be aware of our concerns.

If you have any questions or concerns please do not hesitate to reply to
this email or call me on my cell phone listed in the signature line of
this email. We appreciate your attention to this email.

The new teacher

Let's hope that what happened on Friday is not a sign of what is to come of this year for the girl.

On Wednesday, Caitlyn came home with a letter from school about the need for a snack to be brought every day. The note was short and stated that the snack should be fruits and vegetables. It also stated that the snack should be stored in a disposable container, and the need for utensils is discouraged as they eat the snack as they continue to work. I took the note to mean that a healthy snack should be brought to school. I talked to Caitlyn about the things that she could bring and we mentioned things like dry cereal, raisins, crackers, pretzel sticks. Basically foods that are not junk but would hold her over until lunch time. Sounds logical right?

Caitlyn stayed home from school on Thursday because she had a fever. She started showing signs of a cold on Monday, of course, the day before school starts. BY Thursday she was coughing and sneezing and had a fever. So she didn't have to take a snack to school.

On Friday, I packed Cate's lunch and put in a snack of Cheerios (the plain old cardboard ones, not honey nut) and raisins mixed together in a baggie. Dropped her off at my mom's and took myself to work. When I got to mom's after work to pick her up, I checked her bag for papers and looked in her lunch box to see what she had eaten. Imagine my surprise when I found that her entire snack was still in her lunch box completely untouched. I asked her why she didn't eat it. I figured maybe she wasn't feeling well or just wasn't hungry, despite the fact that her entire sandwich had been eaten. She got all teary eyed and said:

"Mrs. L said I couldn't eat that for a snack because it wasn't a fruit or a vegetable."

I was shocked but not overly concerned. I asked her if the teacher then gave her something to have as a snack since she couldn't eat what she had brought. Nope. My kid sat there with no snack. Now correct me if I am wrong, but the whole purpose of the snack is to help kids make it through until lunch, and you took my kid's snack away and didn't replace it with anything, thus defeating the purpose of helping her get through until lunch?

Cate then told me that a friend of hers shared her snack with her. So I am glad that she had something to hold her over.

I have numerous issues with what transpired over this snack. Here is a nice little list of things that this teacher will be getting an email about:

1. Raisins are in fact fruit, they are simply dried fruit. Grapes really. So she should have at least been able to eat those.
2. Cheerios are marketed as a healthy snack as they have been known to aid in lowering cholesterol. They are basically grains and oats and are nothing more than a healthy snack.
3. How dare you refuse my child her snack because you deem it to be unhealthy and then not replace it with something that you find to be more appropriate?
4. Are you seriously questioning my judgement about what I feed my child? Do you think that I don't know what makes a healthy snack for her? I understand some parents need teaching in this arena, I however, am not one of those parents.
5. There are only so many fruits and vegetables that can be taken as a snack that fall into your guidelines of disposable packaging (which by the way is a horrible lesson to teach kids when you are always spouting about recycling and saving the earth), no utensil required, not sticky, and not disruptive. So if I choose to mix things up for my kid and make her snacks a little more interesting, how is that wrong?

Caitlyn and I did go out on Saturday and pick up a bunch of things that she could take for snacks. Naturally we got grape tomatoes (was there a question?), we got some carrot sticks, apples, bananas, and some dried fruit. I told her that if she wanted to, she could take some tomatoes and carrots on Monday. To which she replied that she is only allowed one snack.

Now, I really get that this teacher wants these kids eating healthy. You don't have to stress that to me. But I have one of the healthiest eaters on the block when it comes to 7 year olds. She would turn down junk food for tomatoes any day. She turns away cake at just about every damn birthday party we go to. The kid takes peas to school in her lunch because she loves them so much. She probably eats more of a variety of fruits and vegetables than most kids her age. So we are not the parents that need to be preached to about presenting healthy meal and snack choices to our kid.

Matt and I are drafting an email. He was actually going to go into the school on Monday during his free period to talk to the principal about it. So if he is his fired up about it, I know that it's a big deal, since he is usually the one telling me that I am over reacting. I told him that before we go into the school hissing and spitting, we need to contact the teacher. As teachers, we both know how pissed off we get when parents completely skip that step and go straight to administration. I also told him that I am proof reading the email before it goes out as I know that Matt can get hot headed at times. We are also sending it from his email account as it will have the Chicago Public Schools address attached to it, which he feels will be more powerful. And we are also copying the principal on it. Matt feels it is a power struggle move by this teacher. And I think I have to agree with him.

So please, please, cross your fingers that this is not the way that the entire year is going to go.

Really?!?!?!?

Has it been over a month? Ok, so the reason that I haven't posted any updates is because......yeah, I have no excuse whatsoever. Other than the fact that the girl and I were enjoying all of our summer days together. It was fabulous. Splendid. Exhausting. We went on vacation to the lake a couple more times. Slept in a bunch of days. Swam at mom's in the pool. Went to the park. Pulled weeds in the yard. And just had an overall fantastic time.

And now we are back to the real world of school and homework and work and dance classes and brownies and team meetings and IEP meetings and football practice and football games. It's never ending and I remember why I love summer months so much every August/September when we arrive in this place once again. So here is a recap of the last week as it has been probably the most eventful of the summer (how is that even possible?).

I returned to work last Monday. All was going wonderful until 2:00 when I received an email from the admin office saying I had to stop by there to pick up a letter that was delivered for me. It came certified mail and was from a law office. Yeah. Fun. Turns out it is a subpeona for a deposition. I will not (and can not) go into details here about what it involves, but needless to say, it completely sucks. So happy first day of school for me. We are now done with the first week, and things are in full swing. Almost to the point that it seems I never left for 2 1/2 months.

Matt's team has been furiously practicing and managed to win their first game on Saturday. It was a really good game and his team looks great this year. So hopefully he will have a good season. Because we all know that Matt having a good season also equates to a happy husband, wife, and household.

Caitlyn is fantastic. She is wearing her glasses like a champ and loves wearing them. The most exciting thing that happened to her this summer is that she had a tooth knocked out. Yes, you read that right. My little lady who is always the girliest girl on the block, managed to get her tooth knocked right out of her mouth. She was swimming in the pool on Sunday and she and all the kids were splashing around like crazy and she got hit in the mouth. We didn't know right away that her tooth was missing until she started laughing and had blood all over her teeth. Gross, I know. The funniest part of the story is that one of the other little girls there said she was going to find the tooth. I shrugged it off, because it was a baby tooth in a big pool that had a blue and white speckled liner. Lo and behold that child came up about 47 seconds later with the damn tooth in her hand. Caitlyn was a trooper about the whole thing and was thrilled to learn that the tooth fairy leaves more money for teeth that are knocked out as opposed to those that fall out naturally. Thanks Mom.

Today was the first day of second grade. Holy smoke.....did you read that right??? SECOND GRADE!!!! How in the hell did that happen? She is excited and yet very nervous. She knows that things pick up in second grade and that more is required of her. I am sure she will be just fine cause she is the smartest little second grader that I have ever met (not that I am biased or anything). She looked so mature to me when I took the picture. We have let her bangs grow out this summer and they have gotten quite long. And a few weeks ago we went and got her hair cut much shorter than we usually keep it. And now she just looks like a "kid." Not a little kid anymore, a full blown kid.

And finally, for your viewing pleasure, first day of school pics with her glasses:

BIG News!

Some back story before I make the announcement. Matt's graduation ceremony was at Navy Pier. When the ceremony was over, we figured we would hang out and see the sights and watch the fireworks later that night. While me and Caitlyn were standing on the pier looking out at the sail boats, she asked me a strange question. Although, strange questions from Cate are not strange really.

Now, before I tell you the question, here is a picture from google images from right where we were standing.



If you look closely, you can see in the distance that there are some pieces of wood (not the rocks and the lighthouse, the line of objects in front of that). On these pieces of wood, it is not uncommon for birds to be perched. On the day that we were there, there was a large tour boat parked directly behind those pieces of wood. On said boat, there were people standing to look at the incredible view of the city.

So here is the question posed to me by the girl:

"Mom, what are all those people in line for?"

I told her that they were not in fact in line, that they were standing on a boat looking out. Her reply:

"No, not the boat, in front of the boat."

On this particular day, it was quite sunny, not like in the picture. So I gave her my sun glasses and told her to look again. One more time:

"I can see them the same mom. What are they in line for?"

I told her that they were not people and that they were pieces of wood. She insisted that they were people.

I insisted that we would be making a trip to the eye doctor.

Well, we went to the pediatrician this afternoon for her annual checkup and I informed the doc that I wanted a distance acuity test done on her. Lo and behold, my poor baby could not see at a distance with her left eye. The doctor said that we could go to a Pearl Vision or For Eyes, anything like that to have it looked at as she will probably need some glasses. However, she was very clear in stating that if they find anything more upon that examination, that I am to not let them do a thing and she would write me a referral to the ophthalmologist. That's why I love my ped's office :)

We high tailed it up to America's Best and Caitlyn had a full eye exam. And let me just tell you the look of surprise on the optometrist's face when she found out that she was examining a 25 weeker who had ROP!! I do wish I had a camera there with me. She actually couldn't believe that the ROP had resolved itself and there was not further damage to Cate's vision.

The optometrist was spectacular. She explained everything in detail to Cate prior to doing it, which is what the girl needs in order to be comfortable with any procedure. It turns out that her left eye is pretty weak. It does have a tendency to wander every so slightly (I have not noticed this since she was an infant). When she uses both of her eyes together, her vision is pretty good, damn near normal. But when forced to use her left eye alone, she just can't do it. So we were prescribed some glasses with a small prescription. The hope is that the glasses will strengthen her left eye enough that she won't need them in a coulpe of years. However, Matt's entire family wears glasses, so I wouldn't be surprised if that doesn't happen.

The girl is beyond thrilled. She got to pick out 2 pairs, yes I ordered a back up pair cause I am "that" mom. Then she got to pick out what case she wanted. They should be ready in about a week or so. I will post pics of her with them on once we have them.

A Funny Thing Happened...

...at the zoo today. Actually, it was a pretty amazing thing. Last week sometime Caitlyn asked me what an incubator was. Not even sure how the conversation came up. I told her it was basically a plastic box that she was kept in when she was born to help keep her warm, since her body was unable to do that for her. Today at Brookfield Zoo, we went into a section that has a bunch of areas where kids can have some hands on time with different things set up in different rooms. One of the rooms was arranged to mimic a vet's office. In the corner there was an infant incubator. I pointed it out to her and reminded her of the conversation that we had last week. I mentioned that this was pretty similar to the one that she was in when she was born.

Then it hit me. Not only did she now tower over the incubator, but she is so far removed from that plastic box that it's difficult to imagine her "now" body in that thing. So I told her to stand next to it and I would take her picture. Then she played vet with her dolphin. She put on her scrubs and went to work. She went over to the incubator and put the dolphin in through the arm holes and cared for her dolphin that way. Again, I was hit in the stomach with the memory of me putting my arms through those very same holes to "care" for her in the only way I could...by touching her.

It was so amazing to witness.

Caitlyn in the incubator (one of the few that I have managed to scan in) That's Matt's wedding band on her leg.



Caitlyn outside of the incubator



I was amazed at how intent and concentrated she was when she was "working"


She was quite tired after being there all day. We were barely out of the parking lot when this occurred.....I don't think the wedding band would fit on these legs LOL

Playing Catch Up

Sorry for the absence. Once Caitlyn's birthday hit, we were busy busy busy. We had her party with her friends at a place in the mall that is similar to Build A Bear, only way cheaper and just as good. The following day we had family at the house for a BBQ. Once we were settled from the parties, we went to the cottage in Wisconsin with Grandma and Auntie Mary and her boys. Caitlyn had a ball tubing once again this year and swimming was a bit hit again.

In between the events we had a couple really hot days where we didn't go to Grandma Linda's to swim so we played in the sprinkler in the back. Well, Caitlyn played in the sprinkler while I pulled weeds. Then we had Matt's graduation ceremony for his Master's. Which he had no intention of attending until I pretty much forced him to.

Caitlyn picked out the song for the montage. It is currently one of her favorites :)

Rather than posting all of the pictures individually, here they are in a montage. Enjoy :)

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Happy Birthday to the Coolest Kid I Know

My little girlie is 7 today. Crazy! She woke up at 6 this morning cause she was so excited about it being her birthday. I quickly shagged her back to bed. Only to be woken up not even an hour later with her squealing once again about it being her birthday. I love seeing her so excited.

We have her friends birthday party this afternoon at a place in the mall that is similar to Build A Bear. Tomorrow all of the family and some friends will be over at the house to celebrate with her.

Happy birthday Caitlyn! I love you more than you will ever realize.











More pics to follow in the next few days after all of the celebrations are completed :)

Caitlyn's Birth Story

I don't think that I have ever typed this all out. While I have made references to it, and discussed memories and such, I've never written the story start to finish. So here it is, be warned, it's long!

On June 15th, I woke up in the middle of the night with a really weird pain in my ribcage. It was right near my sternum. I figured I had some indigestion and didn't want to bother Matt. So I tried going to the bathroom, and couldn't. I tried to lie back down in bed and go to sleep, but I couldn't. No matter what I did, I just couldn't get comfortable. I figured I would go into the living room and watch some TV until I dozed off. Once on the couch, managed to prop up some pillows under my legs and head to get me comfortable enough that I could doze off. But that didn't happen until somewhere around 6:30 and I was supposed to work that day. I decided to call in sick.

I was also supposed to take my cousin to one of her teacher's weddings. We didn't need to leave until the evening, so I figured I would be feeling better by then. I thought all I needed was some sleep and a few trips to the bathroom.

Just as I thought, I felt well enough somewhere around mid afternoon to get ready and take her to the wedding. It was one of the first times I was wearing maternity clothes and was so excited about that. I didn't realize that the next time I would be wearing them would be because of a swollen belly from a c-section and not a baby.

That Sunday, the 17th, we went to my mom's for a BBQ and some swimming in the pool. Once there, my mother informed us that she had forgotten to turn off the heater in the pool all night and the water was insanely warm. Yet, when I was in there, it was like heaven. I later learned that warm baths are one of the only ways to manage the symptoms that I was having. Once out of the pool, I could feel my feet throbbing from swelling when I was sitting in the chair. I just figured it was the middle of the summer and swelling is part and parcel when it comes to pregnancy. Little did I know that this weekend was when everything took a turn for the worst with this pregnancy.

(I later asked the perinatologist if things would have been different if I had come in when I had the first pain. He said "Yes." Which broke my heart, t first. He then said the only thing that would have been different is that I would have been admitted to the hospital 5 days earlier and there is a chance that Caitlyn would have been born more prematurely than she was. So in a sense, I am glad that I didn't go in until I did.)

On June 20th, I woke up in the middle of the night with that pain in my ribcage yet again. Only this time it was much worse. Like the first time, I attempted to lie on the couch with my legs propped on a pillow. Only this time it wasn't helping. Then I felt like I had to throw up, or have a bowel movement, or pee, but nothing would happen. It was almost as if I felt overly "full." So full that it was hard to breathe and get comfortable.

Just like the first time, the pain eventually subsided some and I was able to finally fall asleep. I had just been transferred with my job and I left a message that I wouldn't be in cause I wasn't feeling well. But I was certain that I would be in the following day (HA!) I slept for about 4 hours and when I woke up it was somewhere around noon. Matt told me to call the doctor and I told him that I was feeling better and I didn't think there was any reason to. So I laid around watching TV.

That's when it dawned on me, I hadn't been feeling much movement from Caitlyn. And this kid was a mover and a shaker from the moment I felt the first movement. By this time it was about 2:00pm. So I decided to call the doctor. Figuring I was just being an overly cautious first time pregnant woman. I really thought I was fine and that I had just been experiencing gas or indigestion or something. When I called the doctor's office, they told me that the docs left at 2 and there weren't any there. Thank God for that nurse who answered the phone. I was about to just say thanks and go back and lie down, but she said that she would call the on-call doctor at the hospital and have her call me back.

I had only seen one of the docs in the practice I was with. And he was male, so I had no idea who was calling me back. When all was said and done, it would turn out that to this day I never met the doctor who called me back that day. Also, the hospital that the on-call doc was at was not the hospital that I was supposed to deliver at. My insurance didn't cover that hospital.

When the doctor called me back, she told me to come into the emergency room and they would immediately send me up to labor and delivery because of where I was at gestationally, 25 weeks 2 days. She said that it could be a variety of things including, but not limited to, gas, indigestion, growing pains. She was also pretty light about the situation and said that if anything, we would have an ultrasound down and we would get a peek at the baby. All good with me.

I hadn't showered or shaved and I pussy footed around the house, taking my time getting ready. I figured if we waited closer to dinner, then we could stop off at Hooter's which was a couple blocks from the hospital, on the way home. As a matter of fact, I made mention to Matt to make sure that he had his insulin when we were walking out the door; now I had it in my head that I would be chowing on some wings in a couple of hours. I couldn't have been more wrong.

When we got to the ER, they called up to L&D and we were sent up right away, just like the doctor had said. Once up there, I was asked a billion times how far apart my contractions were. I kept insisting that I wasn't in labor, I just had this really weird discomfort that was pretty much gone now and the baby wasn't as active as usual. They left Matt and I in a waiting room up there for about an hour. To be honest with you, I really think they forgot about me because I wasn't technically in labor. It was during that time that I seriously contemplated just getting up and leaving. Thank God that Matt had the sense to tell me that since we were already there, we may as well just stay.

Finally we were put in a room and they began the usual checks, blood pressure, temp, etc. They didn't do a pelvic exam though as I told them I was not having contractions. A nurse mentioned to me that because this was the second time that I had experienced this pain, that there was a good possibility that it was a gall bladder attack and may have had something to do with what I was eating. She said they were going to draw some blood and see what was going on, but that there was a chance I would need surgery to remove my gallbladder.

To say I was horrified is an understatement. Remove an organ while I'm pregnant? All I could think was that this was craziness in it's rawest sense! None the less, we figured if it needed to be done, then that's what we would do. So we called our families, we didn't call on our way to the hospital so as not to make anyone worry. We really thought that I was being over cautious! We told all of them that they could stay right at home, not to fret about me and the baby, we would call them when we knew for sure what was going on with my gallbladder.

About an hour and a half later, everything changed. Drastically.

Up until this point, I had only been seen by nurses. Now there was a doctor in my room. She said that my blood work brought up some red flags. She asked me if I ever had high blood pressure. Nope, it's typically very low. She told me that they were going to draw some more blood and investigate this further, but that they didn't think it was my gall bladder anymore. They thought I was experiencing pre eclampsia. She went into it briefly, but told me that they still wanted to run more test to be sure. It was as this point that I was told I couldn't get out of the bed. Not even for the bathroom.

Another nurse came in and started to tell me about magnesium sulfate, which I kindly refer to as death in an IV bag. She said that it would be administered for my blood pressure and to ward off any pre term labor.

Now Matt and I were starting to become concerned. After all, I had gas and I wanted Hooters wings! And now I couldn't get out of bed and I was going to be having an IV? When the nurse came in to hook up and start the IV, we demanded to know what had changed in the last half hour that was making all of this necessary. UP until this point, our course of action was to just keep an eye on me and run some more test. Now suddenly they were talking about preterm labor and bed rest? She said that she was just following the orders on my chart and she would have a doctor come in and talk to me asap. She didn't even hook up the IV, she knew we needed answers and we needed them now. She also knew that we needed to figure out what our course of action was going to be and that decision of ours would determine the course of treatment on me.

And she did just that. And that conversation changed our lives forever.

The doctor was wonderful. She sat next to my bed, held my hand, and told me that I had a condition called HELLP syndrome. She went on to explain the acronym and what each of the letters meant. Her last sentence to me before getting up and walking out of the room is one that will never be erased from my memory. She said, "You are going to have this baby within 48 hours."

Just like that. And she got up and walked out. It was as if she knew that Matt and I would have to take in that sentence and digest it. To say we were stunned is an understatement. As is saying we were shocked. We didn't know what in the world to do with this information. And that was okay. We talked to each other for about 10 minutes about what had just happened. We decided that we needed to call our families and tell them what was happening. Just as I was giving Matt the number to my work to call my boss, the nurse came back in to begin the mag sulfate. She also told us that there would be a neonatologist in our room shortly to discuss what occurs with a baby born at 25 weeks gestation. There was also going to be a visit from a perinatologist to discuss what our options were regarding the pregnancy.

Matt left the room to make phone calls. A few minutes after he came back, the perinatologist was in knocking at the door. He was one of the kindest most caring doctors I have ever met in my life. He told us that his priority was to take care of his patient, which was me. I felt such relief knowing that this man really cared about what was happening to me and my body.

Once he was gone, the neonatologist came in. To say he was gentle and kind, like the perinatologist, would be a lie. He appeared cold and detached. He had nothing but horrible things to say about what lay ahead for Matt, me, and this baby. But if he was anything, he was certainly honest. Brutally honest in fact. I knew what my child would be up against being born at this gestation. After all, I worked with kids who were born at later gestations who had some pretty significant disabilities.

We had made our decisions regarding care and resuscitation known to the staff. There was nothing left to do but wait to see what my body would do and when it would do it. It wouldn't take long actually. Caitlyn would be born within 12 hours of all of these discussions taking place.

I was transferred to another room, the lights were turned off, the shades were drawn, the sound on the TV was muted and Matt was told not to turn it up, the light in the bathroom was dimmed with explicit instructions not to make it brighter, the bed rails were wrapped in blankets and an ultrasound machine was wheeled in.

Things became a blur for me at that point. The medicines had taken their toll, as did my psyche. I seemed to fade in and out of consciousness, waking only when one of the many machines I was hooked up to would beep because of my soaring blood pressure or an empty IV required refilling or when someone would poke me with yet another needle.

I had 4 ultrasounds to measure various things. They were looking at the size of the baby to determine if I was correct in regards to gestation. I remember them telling me that Caitlyn would weigh about 2 pounds! They were so off! They were also looking at amniotic fluid levels, which were steadily declining. They were watching her heart rate which was consistently level. Which I later found out was a bad thing as it is supposed to be a little jumpy, within a normal range of course.

Throughout all of this, Caitlyn was faring pretty well. Her body was trying to speed up a few things because of all of the stress my body was putting on her. I remember a doctor telling me that there is a point in which her systems will try to speed up maturation because of what was happening with me. And it will help for a little while until the stress of my body takes over and does irreparable damage. But my girlie was hanging in there.

Suddenly, at 5:40am on June 21, about 12 hours after I was admitted, there was craziness in my room. All of the lights came on, despite the orders that it was to be dark, and there were about 7 doctors and nurses in the room, despite the orders for minimal stimulation. The results of my last blood test had been very poor. Early on, I had asked the doctor what would be the deciding factor in when I would deliver. He told me that they would not allow my platelet count to go below 50,000. I asked what a normal count was and he told me that a normal low is 120,000. Hmmm. Huge difference.

Based on the results of my last blood test, they needed to deliver Caitlyn now. There was a flurry of activity in my room, IVs being changed, monitors being unhooked, catheters being placed. And suddenly I was being wheeled down the hall in my bed to an operating room.

There was even more activity in that room. And I remember it being so bright that the light hurt my eyes. I had been in a dark room for so many hours that I couldn't adjust to it. My arms were strapped down. I remember the perinatologist coming up to me and telling me that I was going to be okay. He made no mention of my baby though. I started shaking so uncontrollably that no matter what I did I couldn't stop it. I was scared and I was cold. Then I started to cry. I had no one there with me. Matt couldn't be there because they were too afraid of what would happen once they cut me open. They weren't sure about my blood's ability to clot. They weren't sure how much damage my liver had sustained and whether or not they would need to repair that. They weren't sure if my kidneys would begin to be fully functional. Because of those unknowns, they had to make sure that no one was in the room should they have to continue treatment on me once they delivered Caitlyn.

That amazing doctor who sat and help my hand as she told me the fate of my pregnancy, was there next to my head. She saw me shaking and crying, and my futile attempts to wiggle my arm out of the strap. She had another nurse unstrap my arm, I itched my nose and then she took my hand. She told me she would hold it the entire time. I can remember the look in her eyes and how she looked at me so lovingly. I doubt that she held my hand through the surgery, but I want to believe with everything in me that she did. She was the only person I had to cling to emotionally.

The anesthesiologist was at my head ready to begin. He didn't even give me the old "count back" speech. He told me that when he put the mask on my face, he wanted me to take in large deep breaths, as hard as I could. I wanted nothing more in that moment that the mask on my face and to be far far away from all that was happening. I think I started breathing deep before that plastic even touched my skin. Once on me, I breathed deeper and harder than I have ever done in my life. All to no avail. I wasn't passing out. I could feel my throat closing. I could still hear what was going on around me and I couldn't breathe. And I had no way of telling anyone. I heard the anesthesiologist tell someone that they needed to press down on my throat. I felt someone do that and I still couldn't breathe. Then I heard the perinatologist say, "I can't wait anymore, I have to cut now." And that's the last thing I remember.

I'm not sure if the anesthesia finally kicked in, or if I passed out from that comment made by the doctor. Either way, my daughter was about to come into this world 15 weeks premature and surprising all of the doctors by taking one single breath before they intubated her. This all happened only 27 minutes after the results of that final batch of blood work.

And here we are, almost 7 years later! Caitlyn shows no signs of being born early at all. She is currently receiving incredible grades at school and scoring in the top percentages of her class when it comes to reading testing. She has never ceased to amaze me!

The Dance Recital

Caitlyn tried Hip Hop this time around. Now that she has finished it, she said she is ready to go back to ballet. To be honest, I think she does better at ballet than she does hip hop. But she wanted to try it, so why not. And she had so much fun with it!

Naturally, they danced to a High School Musical song, I Don't Dance.

The recital was on June 1st, and she had about 15 people from the family there to see her. So she felt like a complete superstar for the entire day. Afterwards, everyone came over to the house for some grilling and a fire. All in all, it was a really good day.

For some reason, most of the pictures that I took came out really crappy. So I don't have that many good ones. We did video it, but I have to get that uploaded to photobucket before I can get it on here. All in due time I guess.

Here she is front and center of course (she will have it no other way in life it seems)




Curtain call


This is from the day before when we went out to dinner after the dress rehearsal. But holy cow, look at those eyes!!


Here she is with her instructor, Miss Kaleen. Who we absolutely adore. She is so good with the girls and she is just as cute as can be. Caitlyn loved her, and is begging me to pay for private lessons with her. Which Miss Kaleen said Caitlyn should do to improve the skills that she has. However, that certainly wouldn't improve my bank account as Miss Kaleen charges a good penny for her services. But she is a very good instructor and said she sees a lot of potential in Caitlyn and would like to expand on that. We haven't come to a conclusion yet about what we are going to do.


And here she is with her friend Angelina from school. Notice Matt and Rita in the background. Know what they are looking at?? Somehow my kid managed to get her face on the flyer announcing the show this year. Again, front and center is the only place for her.


I will get the Brownies pictures uploaded soon.

Long Time no Blog!

I've been busy. With the end of the school year for me, things get crazy. I am also nearing the end of the 2 classes that I am taking, so I am finishing up a few projects that are due. Things have been really busy with the end of Caitlyn's school year as well. She finished up her dance class and had her recital, finished up Brownies and had her awards ceremony, and will be finishing up school this week.

Second grade folks!! Where in the world have the last 2 years gone?? I can NOT believe that she is going to be starting second grade. Almost surreal to think. Finishing up first grade also means turning 7 shortly thereafter. 7!!! S.E.V.E.N!!! That's insane. I really don't know when she managed to get so old.

Naturally, with her birthday approaching, there is always much reflecting that goes into the weeks surrounding her birthday. I am working on her birth story as it occurred to me that I have never written it here. So I am finishing that up, and I will warn you, it really is so much longer than I had wanted to it be.

Hopefully I will get some pics of the recital up here soon and the pics of her in her brownies get up.

WOOOOHOOOO school is out and the warm weather has arrived :)