Friday, October 24, 2008

A Horrible Nightmare

Before I tell you about the dream I had last night, here is the reply from Cate's teacher regarding the email we sent her. Now this just pisses me right off for several reasons.

Mr. Walsh,

I can meet with you on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday afterschool at 3:00 or later if that is more convenient for you. Please let me know what time works for you.

Mrs. L

No mention of anything that we brought up in the letter. Also, second email we have sent, both have included me, they just came from Matt's email. First time she called Matt and completely ignored me. This time, completely ignored me again, despite the fact that our email was signed from both of us. This woman is not chalking up any points from me. God help her on Monday at 3:00. I want you all to say a silent prayer that I don't end up on Cops. Please.

Now on to the hellish nightmare that I had last night that I haven't been able to stop thinking about. ALL. DAMN. DAY!!!

Every morning I drive 2 blocks north and 1/2 a block east to drop Caitlyn off at my mom's house. I walk her in the house, say my goodbyes, give kisses and hugs, and I am out the door.

In my dream last night, I decided to drive the 2 blocks north. And that's it. I opened the car door and took Cate out and said to her:

"You can walk from here. You know the way."

I gave her kisses and a hug, and I remember touching her cheek as I kissed her. Then I got in my car and drove off. Fast forward to hours later (isn't that always how dreams work?) and I am back at home. There are loads of people there, my family and friends, but no Matt and no Cate. Turns out, she never made it to my mom's. And all I can think of is how in the world did she not get there? She only had to walk a bit over 1/2 block??? Then it occurs to me. My child is missing. She has been abducted. I have no clue for how long, who would have walked or driven up to her, who she stopped to talk to, nothing. and I begin sobbing hard. To the point that I can hardly breathe.

I then notice that everyone around me is just carrying on as if it's business as usual. Just another party or gathering at Nancy's house. So I start to think that they must know something that I don't. And I then flip flop my thoughts between two lines of thought.

1. She just hasn't made it to my mom's yet. (It never occurred to me that it shouldn't have taken her that long to walk the small distance to my mom's.)
2. She has been abducted.

At one point I remember someone saying that they knew a car had pulled up to talk to her. But I kept thinking it was impossible that she got in that car because we have had that conversation. She knows better.

Then Matt calls. Mind you, I haven't yet told him that his daughter is missing. I actually debate whether or not to tell him, or wait just a bit longer for her to make it to my mom's house. (Apparently I was really clinging to this theory and all logic had gone out the window.) I decide to tell him and again break down into hysterical sobs, to the point of not being able to breathe again. The whole time, these people are meandering about my house as if they couldn't comprehend why in the world I was so upset.

Then my alarm went off. I woke up dripping with sweat and my face covered in tears. I ran into Cate's bedroom and guess what I saw?? She wasn't in there. Nope. Gone. It took me a minute to actually realize that she hadn't been in there all night cause she slept at my mom's last night. But for that fleeting moment, I actually thought that the dream was in fact reality and somewhere among the people milling about my house I had fallen asleep and when I woke up it was really true that she was missing.

Needless to say, I called my mom's to talk to her. It was almost as if I had to just make sure that she was fine. I swear I haven't been able to stop thinking about this all day. It has been nagging at me. and I have come to the resolution that whether she likes it or not, she is not going anywhere without me for a looooooooong time.


crazed lunatic said...

hell.... that's the only word to describe where you've mentally been! ((hugs)) hope that the adrenaline rush is over now....

Colleen said...

oh man...I hate those type of dreams that feel so real and shake you up! Has she been asking to walk somewhere lately? Or by chance had you watched the news that someone was abducted. I try to not watch the news before bed because I have dreams about what is on tv. I also have life like dreams of something bad happening when I am thinking about things too much. This summer I was constantly having dreams of one of my kids falling into the pool and that I couldnt reach them. They are such tormenting nightmares!