The Antichrist

I have met her. There is no doubt in my mind. She was disguised as an advocate at an IEP meeting I attended on Wedsnesday. Had to be the nastiest, ugliest, meanest woman that I have ever encountered in my life.

Now don't get me wrong, I have nothing against advocates in the IEP process. Matter of fact, I actually believe that any parent who has a child in special education should have one. And they shouldn't have to pay out of their own pockets for them. The special education maze can sometimes be enough to send me over the edge and I have had training and experience in it. I can't even begin to imagine what it does to the parent that has no prior experience with it and no prior knowledge of how things work with it.

That being said....this woman should NOT be allowed to be an advocate. It is one thing to come into a meeting to advocate (hence their titles) for what is best for the child at hand. It is completely another to do nothing but badmouth, bitch and moan, and complain about the staff working with this child. For the most part, the team is doing what they know to do for the kid. Yes there could be improvements, but there always could. And coming in ranting and raving like a lunatic as opposed to asking for x,y, and z will get you nowhere with this team.

At one point, she was actually questioning what qualifications and training the resource teacher had. Now correct me if I am wrong, but having been hired by the school district 2 years ago, she was already checked to make sure that she met the district's standards. The fact that she didn't meet the standards of this advocate is what was amazing to me.

At one point, she actually accused the resource teacher and reading specialist of falsifying the results on the most recent testing they had conducted on this child. They were convinced that there was no way he could have made as much progress as he did. Now correct me if I am wrong, but isn't that the whole fucking purpose of the supports that are in place for him??? To make these amazing gains??? And they accused the team of having their expectations set too low, yet they are the ones questioning how he was able to make that much progress. Doesn't sound to me like their expectations are all that high either.

One of the most ironic things that I saw during the meeting was that when I spoke to mom on the phone in the weeks prior after completing my own evaluation, she was pleasant and responsive to me. Yes she had some concerns and frustrations, but what parent doesn't? However, this advocate opened her mouth and all these atrocities and accusations started flying about, and all it took was that little fire under mom's ass and she became a crazed lunatic as well.

The saddest part of the meeting....the fact that over 2 hours into it, NOTHING was resolved. Nothing in this child's programming had changed (and I'm not so sure that it really needed to), none of their concerns were met with resolution. The only thing that came out of it, was that now the entire team is scrambling to make sure that this kid has anything and everything available to him. Most of which he doesn't even need. But of course, the district is so terrified of due process that they will do anything to avoid it, no matter the costs.

It's days like this that I really hate my job. Most of the time, I really enjoy what I do. For the most part, I have it pretty easy when it comes to my job. Then you run into the devil incarnate and she makes you doubt what you do! Damn woman...she is evil and needs to be destroyed!

Housekeeping

I have neglected to respond to any of my comments that I have gotten....even when they were posed as questions. So here goes.

Shawnee wanted to know where I got the Hello Kitty Bedding from. Target of course ;) And yes, it most certainly looks like the walls have been covered in Pepto Bismol. I take absolutely no offense to that at all.

The dog was not trying to hump Caitlyn. He was jumping up on her with his paws on her chest to lick her face. If he had tried to hump my child, I might have gone just a little ape shit over it. Shawnee, I told my mom want you said to do about me calling the house and just keep saying my name over and over again. And well she had a few choice words for you, and also added that would be willing to hunt you down and harm you if she had to listen to this dog barking all day long.
But on a scarier note...I was looking at my little traffic report the other day. And because of this very post, someone who searched "woman fucking her dog" actually came across my blog. And the fact that they hung out and read a few pages gives me the willies to be perfectly honest. So not that I posted about a woman fucking her dog, but because those 4 words, in that specific order, were in the post about the humping dog, they found me. And now, after this paragraph, I can only imagine the visits I will get since technically I am talking about a woman fucking her dog.

The scissors ... well I am really waiting for the day that she cuts her hair. I know it will be coming soon. Matter of fact, she has already tried to cut MY hair with the stupid things. So it really is only a matter of time now.

The Easter Bunny's travel route is nowhere to be found on the internet. I was able to find where Santa was over Christmas, but the Easter Bunny....well he's obviously nowhere near as popular as the fat guy in the red suit.

Yes, Shawnee, I do love me a Cadbury Egg, but only one a year and around Easter. I didn't get one this year :(

And thanks for giving me warm and fuzzies about my child not wanting to be at home anymore. I do know that it's only because of Kelly and the other kids on the block. Add that to the fact that my mother gives her any damn thing that she wants, and it's a pretty good place to be. Kari I would love to come and have a sleepover with you :) But I can't promise an all out hissy fit....but if there are margaritas involved, I am sure that there is a pretty good chance of it LOL.

The Pizza Guy has gotten some reprieve from my child's vulgarities. If you ask her to say it, she won't. If you ask her what she used to say to him, she won't. Now when she hears someone say the F word, she very quickly brings it to their attention that they have spoken a bad word....

Person: "Get the fuck out!"

Caitlyn: "Mommy, fuck is a bad word right?"

So although we are not there just yet, it is progress in my eyes.

She doesn't want to live here anymore

She hasn't come right out and said it. But the girl has been at my mom's house 5 out of the 7 last nights. What is wrong with that picture? I suppose I could say yeeeeehaw that Matt and I are getting as much alone time as we are, nto to mention the fact that I have watched some TV shows uninterrupted. But it's getting a little crazy now when I say we are going home and she cries and cries that she wants yet another sleepover.

I am thinking it has something to do with the fact that Kelly lives there now and they spend all day outside playing together in the beautiful weather that we are having. When you weigh that against coming to her own house where the closest person to her age is her parents, it doesn't seem so strange.

Where can I go and have a sleepover and cry when it comes to coming home?

Only in my world

Yesterday I went shopping for all of the goodies for the Easter Basket for the girl and the cousins. I also picked up the little box of Paas tablets to color the eggs. That event was scheduled for tonight. At 8 o'clock to be exact.

I was right on schedule. House cleaned, dinner eaten, ready to color eggs.

Matt opens the box.....the sealed box.....it's fucking empty. Nothing in it! Not one single little tablet.

Off to the store he went to get a new one, and of course he comes home with one that is far more complicated involving stickers and springs, suction cups and hats for the eggs. I will post pics of them at some point, cute, but a pain in the ass none the less.

Here's some Caitlyese for the day...

Before bed she asked me,

"Mommy can you get on the computer to find the Easter Bunny's schedule to see if he is heading to my house right now."

Love this immediate gratification generation. We had no idea when the damn bunny or santa was showing up when we were kids. Our parents probably put our asses to bed at 6:30 because they told us these characters wouldn't come until we were fast asleep. And there was no way for us to check up on that, we just had to believe them.

The Jelly Bean Contest

We've all seen them. The huge jars filled with jelly beans and you have to guess how many jelly beans are actually in the jar. Now I have never been able to guess how many stupid beans are in the thing. I have never even come close.

They had a jar of jelly beans at Caitlyn's school. All of the kids were encouraged to make a guess. The prize would be a Cadbury Egg (completely worth the guess in my book) and a gift certificate for a local pizza place. So quite a few kids from the school made their guesses. Kids in ages ranging from pre kindergarten (Caitlyn's class) up through 8th grade.

Well, she and Matt are now on spring break, so they were home on Friday. Matt gets a call from her teacher. Guess what??? She won the freakin jelly bean contest.

Now the funny thing is, Caitlyn has no conceptualization of any number over 100. I don't really think that she even knows that numbers that high exist. So when they asked her for her guess, she said to them "60 70." The teacher wrote down 6,070. Another student behind her heard her guess and said 60 80. Again, the teacher write down 6,080. So out of all those kids, two 4 year olds won the prizes :P

Want to know how many jelly beans were in there????

6,049

Child Proof my ASS!!!

Caitlyn loves using scissors. She will cut just about anything that she can get her little fingers on. So we have had the discussion on more than one ocassion about what she is allowed to cut.....paper only. And we haven't had this conversation because she doesn't abide by this rule. It is only because I want to make sure that it is always fresh in her memory when she picks the things up.

Last night, she took her scissors up to her room. And came back down with her doll....her now almost bald doll. So I didn't ream her out, because really where is the harm in a little hair cutting ....hair of the doll that is.

She goes back up with the scissors. A few minutes later I hear her crying. I run up there, and she is screaming that she cut herself with her scissors. I assume it's Caitlyn being the drama queen that we all know that she can be. She shows me her hand and sure as shit, she really did cut herself. Right between her thumb and index finger, you know, that little floppy piece of skin.

So beware, those little scissors with the rounded egdes...not so child proof in my book.

Doggie Style

What I am about to post really isn't nearly as offensive as the title, however, it is so very fitting. The weather today was absolutely gorgeous. So I decided to get this child out of the house since she has been couped up for so long. We played on the porch blowing bubbles, drew with sidewalk chalk, played hopscotch, then as it started to get darker, I told her that we could go for a walk and she could take her scooter or her bike. She decided on the bike.

We get about a block away and she can't go any farther. This is in part due to her small stature, but also due to the fact that the poor girl doesn't have the muscle tone or endurance and strength to go any farther. That damn prematurity thing rears it's ugly head when you least expect it I tell ya!

So of course, I carry the bike back and she runs back to the house. Then we decide to just walk...both of us. We go about a mile and on the way back, we encounter a nice gentleman with a very small dog. Naturally, Caitlyn decides to stop and pet the dog. Well, the dog jumps up and puts it's paws on her chest wanting to lick her face to death. She giggles and runs to me and tells this man....

"He humped me like Rudy humps my Mommy!!"

And she is thoroughly excited about this. The man kind of looks at me, snickers, and says, "Have a nice night." And goes about his own walk.

Now I am mortified because this man probably went home and told his wife about some weirdo woman that allows her small child to watch while she engages in sick sexual play with someone named Rudy.

Little does he know, Rudy is in fact my mother's dog. And the fucking dog humps me everytime I set foot in her damn house. Which of course my mom and Caitlyn, and everyone else in the damn house for that matter, thinks is just the funniest thing that they have ever seen.

This dog has it something terrible for me. If my mother calls me on the phone, all she has to do is say my name and the dog goes apeshit barking like crazy running around the house looking for me. When I won't pay attention to him when I am there, meaning I am not letting the heavy bastard lay on my lap, he is walking around the house barking at me or looking to chew something up.

Well of course, when I called my mom, she thinks this is the funniest thing she has heard all day. Says my name, and the dog goes nutso in the background.

And my poor child now finds nothing wrong with a dog humping her mother???? (Side note, the dog on teh street did not hump my child, I would have stopped that shit immediately.)

Damn dog...why can't Matt be as attentive???

The first night in the bed

Well, I think it went pretty well. We have hardwood floors throughout the house, so every single noise can be heard. For about 45 minutes after Caitlyn got into bed, I could hear her getting in and out of the bed. Seems to me that she thinks needing the step stool for it really is a load of fun. But she managed to stay in there all night until about 6am. Then she made her way into bed with me for the remainder of the time that we had left to sleep...all 60 minutes of it. But that is something that she has always done. Seems she has a radar that lets her know that Matt is out of the bed and she needs to fill that space LOL.

We are having a splendid time on Spring Break, despite the fact that we don't have it at the same time. The nice thing about having it at different times is that I get a couple of hours in the morning to run errands and just hang out by myself. And I really enjoy that, since it's something that I don't get much. The one major downfall, is that I don't get to sleep in at all cause I have to be up to get her ready and off to school. But she is off on Friday, so I will that day :)

Tomorrow she has her spring pictures at school and she is wearing the cutest yellow dress. (I know I am biased, but really, she is so darn cute in it.) So when those come in, I will throw them up here for your viewing pleasure. After I pick her up and run her home to get changed, we are going to hang out and the mall. Now she wants to pull some money out of her piggy bank and buy herself some Hello Kitty posters. So I told her that we would go to Claire's and she could pick out some HK stuff for her room. We'll probably eat there as well...cause that's what Americans do, shop and ruin their credit and over indulge on mall food making them obese. But that is a post for another time I suppose LOL

And I finally got the canopy up. With no help from Matt I might add. He refused to put a hook in the ceiling. We have plaster walls and that makes hanging anything much more difficult. So I ran to Walgreens (firstly for the cream to help cure the itching issue I have going on) and picked up one of those 3M hooks that are sticky. Not sure if that's going to hold it up there, but we'll see. If it doesn't then I will just hang the damn hook up there myself and not even tell him. Chances are he wouldn't notice it until she moves out of the bedroom anyway.

It's here!!!

It has arrived and is now all set up, minus the canopy. I have to go get a hook for the ceiling for that. Caitlyn couldn't be more thrilled about it. She loves it and has spent all afternoon up there (added bonus for me not having to fight for the computer with her). She couldn't run out of the door at school fast enough to set it all up and even bypassed the opportunity to go to the McDonald's playland for lunch so that we could come home and set it up.



And just to note how wonderful she thought it was, she took a nap in it in pure Caitlyn form ;)

Tomorrow is the big day

The room is cleaned and the bed frame is waiting for the new matresses. Once they are here tomorrow, they will set them up for me. Now I am debatting whether or not to get everything ready for her and surprise her or wait for her to get home to put it all up with me. After having to clean the room out with her home tonight, I am thinking it may be easier to do it while she is gone. But I know how excited she is about having it all done, so waiting for her help may be the way to go.

In other news, I went for my annual with the girlie doc today. All is well with the bits and pieces with the exception of a little bit of Vulvar Dystrophy. Sounds horrid right??? Well, basically it is fancy medical terminology for I am itching like a mad woman and wreaking havoc on my own bits and pieces. Nothing that a little cortisone shouldn't clear up in about 3 months.....yes! 3 months!!! Now, I would doubt her about that, but again, she was pretty much dead on with the recovery time for shingles, so I am going to have to assume that she is also correct on this one as well. Unfortunately.

Will post some pics of the room after it's all ready :)

Woooooohooooooo

As of 3pm this afternoon I will be on Spring Break!!! Counting down the hours here. Tomorrow I am chapperonning a field trip with the girl to the zoo. Which shoudl be loads of fun considering it is going to be a whopping 38 degrees tomorrow. I'm sure that will make all of the animals come right on out for us to stare at them. The one good thing is that they got so many responses from the parents, that you are only responsible for your child plus one other. And that I am all about ;)

From the big girl bed, to an even bigger girl bed

Caitlyn has one of those fancy smancy (not really a word?) cribs that converts from a crib to a toddler bed to a full bed. Well, she has been in the toddler bed phase of it for about 2 years now. In the recent months, she has begun falling out of her bed. The reason is trifold....

1. She is too damn long for this bed being her ginormous 44 inch self

2. The kid loves to sleep on the very edge of the bed; always has, even used to snuggle up to the plexiglass of the incubator (doesn't sound enticing to you and I, but she loved it right along with burying her face...vent tube and all...into the bedding)

3. The insane amount of stuffed animals that have taken up residency on her toddler bed.

Numbers 1 and 2, I take no issue with. It is the number 3 reason that really pisses me off. If this kid would allow me to do something, anything, with the 47 friends on her bed, we may have been able to stay in this bed for a few more months. But you see, they have to stay in the bed. Otherwise they get cold, or lonely, or a myriad of other reasons that she comes up with when questioned about the damn things.

So last night, Matt and I with Caitlyn in tow went to go buy the full size matress and box spring for her new "Even Bigger Girl Bed" as we are referring to it in the house. Luckily we were able to snatch up a set that was on clearence as a floor model. So what would have been a near $1600 purchase (with tax, delivery, and bed frame) only ended up costing just over $700. Not too bad for a bed that will hopefully last this child until she moves out of my house.

This weekend we will be doing some shopping her and I. Grabbing some new bedding and pillows and other fun stuff for the new bed that will be arriving next Tuesday. Luckily, she asked me this morning if she could keep her room pink with princesses....damn straight girlie. Cause that means no painting and redecorating for me :)

And the kciker of it all....

"Mommy, now my stuffed animals will have even more room when they sleep with me."

Damned stuffed animals...I am thinking that we need to stage a kidnapping to get them all the hell out of my house. Anyone willing to drive the get away car?

Bad bad bad bad blogger

Yes I know I have been neglectful. Kari was very quick to point that out to me. So Kari, here is an entry, a nice looooong one just for you :P

Things have been busy in the land of the Walshes. Yet it seems as though we haven't gotten much accomplished. How in the hell does that happen?

Sunday was my birthday and a fabulous time was had by all. Caitlyn woke me up, after letting me sleep in, with a birthday card for me. Made me a little weepy as she wrote "MOM" on the outside of the envelope. She was so very excited about that she could hardly contain herself. She then insisted that I get out of bed promptly as there were many more surprises waiting for me downstairs. And indeed there were....

Matt got me flowers, which happens on a rare ocassion. He also got me an onion bagel (my favorite). In case I wasn't in the mood for that, he bought chocolate donettes (yes they are already gone and have been for a couple of days now). And to be even safer, there was a cheese danish on the counter for me. Basically he was covering all of his bases. Knowing that I can be somewhat fickle (he calls it crabby) in the morning, he wanted to make sure that whatever I wanted to eat for breakfast was there for me. What a guy :)

Then we dropped the girl off at my mom's to play with Kelly. We went to a matinee (read cheap) to see Failure to Launch. Cause who doesn't want to see Matt??? He is so on my list, though it isn't laminated LOL. Then we went to dinner at the Macaroni Grill. I am convinced that this is my new favorite restaurant. And I only discovered it about 2 months ago. And I am so glad that I did. They have great food there.

So here is my Caitlyn funny....

Last night we were playing inher bedroom. She wanted me to be the daughter while she was the mom. She was in her little kitchen making me dinner, soup. Everytime that she would ask if I like something that she was going to add, I would tell her no, just like she does to me. Her response...

"Well you have to eat it hunny cause it is good for you."

Now why is it when I say that to her, it doesn't matter???? So when I insisted I wasn't going to eat it, she started wagging her index finger at me telling me I had to. Know why?

"When I wave my finger at you like this hunny you HAVE to do it."

Really? Is that all it takes to get a kid to eat a decent meal? Man oh man have I been going about this the wrong damn way for a couple of years.

So I was given turkey, ketchup, mustard, corn, peas, tomato sauce, and hot dog soup. I think I may have to add it to the list of recipies to try. Along with a can of Sprite.

She asked me a few times to be the mom and I told her I didn't want to. That she could be the mom since technically, I am always the mom. After arguing with me she yells out...

"I don't want to be the mom!!! I hate being the mom!!!"

Welcome to my world on a bad day with you kid!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Update on the f word....yes it has slipped a few times. BUT, I am so much better! I have even stopped myself from saying it on several ocassions. I am even managing to type it less when the gals and I are chatting on messenger. The funny thing is, now I am realizing how much Matt says it. I think I will need to have a little chat with him about that ;) I can now you know, cause it won't make me a hypocrite LOL

And it hasn't fell from Caitlyn's lips since the Pizza Hut incident.

I have given up...

The F word for lent. Yes.

About 12 hours and counting.

I have only uttered it twice today and that was in telling the story to my boss as to why I am giving it up. But other than that, it has not left my lips. I have thought it. Don't get me wrong, I have thought it at least 10 times today. But it never fell out.
Now here's what I need from you....

Does typing it count, or am I allowed to still do that? I am thinking that I should be able to since the girl won't be able to hear me right???

STOP THE INSANITY!!!!!

The F Word must go. Forever. No questions asked.

So we were doing pretty well, not having heard from the pizza guy in a few days. Even when he was "on" her phone, she would simply hang up and move on to the next person to answer the phone.

Matt is out of town, so I decided to take Caitlyn out for dinner. Just her and I. Thinking it would be something nice for her. And it was. She loves hanging out with mom. But you see, I made one very very very fatal mistake. It was my choice in restaurants. For God's sake, I live in Chicago. There are a million and one places to go to for dinner. And what do I choose? Pizza Hut. What in the hell was I thinking. The pizza guy episode is still so very raw in this child, I totally should have known better than this. Really....I am smarter than this. But why oh why wasn't I tonight?????

You can completely see where I am going with this right?

The evening started out perfectly fine. No mention of the pizza guy and the obscenity to go along with it. Maybe because we had a female waitress, so the "guy" was far from her mind. We eat our food, she stuffs her face just like she always done at Pizza Hut.

Then....out of nowhere...it happens.

"Hey ya fuckin pizza guy!!!"

OH.MY.GOD!!!!

Wanting to crawl under the table, I am silently praying that that so did not just happen. But it did. When I lift my head from praying, my 3 shades of red head, I take a quick inventory to see who is gawking at us. And with good reason too. I mean, how often is it that you get to hear a 4 year old shouting such atrocities? Surprisingly, no one, not a single person is looking at us. For a breif moment I think it didn't happen. That it was all in my head and I was fearing it happening. But the fact that Caitlyn screeched it when she said it, I don't think it was clear to others what she had said. Audible, hell yes, but not clear enough for them to make out what vulgarities she is capable of when pissed off enough.

Then to confirm to me that she had said it, she says to me....

"Mommy did you hear what I said?"

And with that, I see her mouth open, almost in slow motion, and she is about to yell it again to make sure that I heard her. I was able to stop her this time. Which I am absolutely postive had I not stopped her, it most definitely would have warranted a call to DCFS by the management. I mean, who really lets their child yell this shit out, and in public no less??

So upon returning home, we had the talk that we had some time ago about how there are words that we say and words that we don't. And there are words that adults can use that children just aren't allowed to. Yes I am resorting to the old, "Because I am the mom that's why!" And I don't care. If it stops my child from using profanity in public, or for now, I am all about it.

I say again, and damn I am getting awfully tired of sayin git, the vernacular in this house needs to change....and right quick!

The Poor Pizza Guy

I don't know what my child has against the pizza delivery guy. All of the sudden she thinks that he is a lazy guy who apprearently doesn't know how to do his job. So here is the scene as it unfolded at my house the other night....

Mom is on computer (I know shocker!)

Caitlyn is playing on the couch with her toy phone that she can call 911 with. See, I figured I wanted her to be successful in preschool so I would teach her the damn number. Well, the toy would teach it to her, I would just explain when she is allowed to call them from the real phone.

...this toy phone also calls other people, like the little boy down the street, the librarian, the teacher, and of course, the pizza guy.

I hear Caitlyn talking to a few of the fun people in the phone and she is having a grand time with it.

Then....the poor pizza guy picks up. And I hear my child scream in a voice that paralled that of Linda Blair as she is being overtaken by satan himself. And it's not so much the voice that frightened me. Don't get me wrong, it was bone chilling and horrifying, but what came out of her mouth is now seared on my brain forever.

Screaming...."Wake up ya fuckin pizza guy!!"

And over and over and over she screams this. Everynow and again she slams the phone down in disgust. But then she picks the receiver right back up and calls the guy again. Only to yell this disturbing sentence at him once again.

I say again....the vernacular in the house MUST change now!

What is with this kid and toilets?

Some time ago, I posted about Caitlyn falling into the toilet. Not once, but twice. Our toilet issues have resumed. But not in the ways of potty training. We have now reached the stage where we are pretty much potty trained completely. Yes, there are times that we hold our BM's a little too long still. But nowhere near as bad as it used to be requiring a suppository and a lot of heartache on both ends. Instead, she just has experiences with the toilet that I fear are going to scar this poor child for life.

Typically, Caitlyn will get up once a night and go to the bathroom. That is, if she hasn't gone right before bed. Under normal circumstances, I thank my luck stars that she does this. There are a lot of kids that don't wake up from the urge to go. So I know that it is a blessing that she does this. Now, when she wakes up and goes to the bathroom, it usually wakes me up. And all I ever do is just listen for the tinkling in the toilet, and the closing of her bedroom door signifying that all is well.

Last night, or early this morning, I hear her go into the bathroom. I listen intently for the trickle. A sound that never comes. Then I hear slight whimpering. So I call to her to ask if she is okay. (I don't always go in right away cause then she seems to think it's close to the time when she has to get up and wants to chat for a bit.) She doesn't answer my calls. Then I hear all out crying. It is at this point that I assume that she has had an accident in bed. So I get up to clean her up and clean up the bed.

When I enter the bathroom, her pj pants and panties are around her ankles and she is crying. I ask her if she had an accident in her bed and she tells me no. So I attempt to pull up her pants, only to find them soaked. I assume she is still half asleep and doesn't remember the accident. So I take off her pants and tell her to come on in the bedroom while I change the bedding and get clean clothes on her. To my surprise, her bed is dry. It is then that the truth starts to unfold before my very eyes.

I ask her if she has to go pee and she tells me that she already did. Well, obviously, I have the piss ladden pants in my hands to prove it.

The poor girl sat down on the toilet to go. However, she forgot to pull her pants down first. And in her slumbered stupor, she couldn't for the life of her figure out how the hell she had the accident. In her mind, she went on the toilet like she is supposed to.

And of course, this morning, she has no recollection of it whatsoever.

Male or Email

So Caitlyn decided yesterday that she wanted to be a doctor. Makes me happy. However, I know that this choice will change a gazillion times before she actually does "become" something. We get home from mom's and right away she wants to play doctor with me. So we get the little doctor's kit that she has and we start playing.

She wants to be the patient first, so I get to be the doctor. There is a little clip board in her kit that has a bunch of questions on it to ask the patient. One of them is whether or not they are male or felmale. So I ask Caitlyn if she is a boy or a girl. She obviously says girl. Then I tell her that there are other names for boys and girls. Boys are males and girls are females. She understands this and says she is a female.

Then it's my turn to be the patient. She picks up the clip board and starts asking me the questions. Then she asks me if I am a boy or girl. I obviously say girl. Then pose the question to her, What is the other name for a girl?

"A boy is a male and a girl is a .....(insert long pause for her to reach into her memory)..... a girl is an email."

Children's movies

Taking a child to the theater is always an experience. Caitlyn actually really enjoys it. And she manages to sit through the entire movie, provided it peaks her interest.

Last night I took Kelly and Caitlyn to see Curious George. $19.00 just to enter the theater, and another $18.00 to get popcorn and pop. Sickens me how damn expensive it is to just go watch a movie. How in the hell is a family of say 5 or 6 supposed to go watch a movie???

After purchasing the food, we look for 3 seats. Kelly sits down, I start getting the straws in teh cups and doling out the goods. Caitlyn starts crying. Why? Well because she isn't heavy enough for the damn seat. The stupid thing keeps folding up on her. Now this happened when we went to see Madagascar, and I stupidly thought that maybe my child had put on enough weight by now that she would be able to sit alone this time around. No such luck, I would have a 35 pound 4 year old on my lap for an hour and a half, and the big ol melon of said 4 year old in front of my face the entire movie.

So we get settled into 3 seats, even though we only need 2, near the back of the theater (in case of any urgent bathroom trips or any other emergency that could rear it's ugle head) we are good to go and we wait for the movie to start. And we wait. And we wait. Oh and then we waited a little more. What in the name of all that is holy is with all the damn comercials. And I don't mean previews. I mean commercials. Commericals for Coke, commercials for cell phones. You know...all things that are relevant to the 3-10 year old population. After the commercials, then we make it to the previews. Which those I don't mind so much. And neither do most kids. They are all too busy yelling "I want to see that!!!."

Caitlyn wasn't too thrilled with the movie either. Half way through she started to get antsy. She wants to stand, she wants to talk. The movie just wasn't grabbing her. As an adult, I empathize with this reaction. Cause the movie isn't enjoyable for adults like Madagascar or Toy Story. It's completely geared towards kids. Which is fine, if you're 5, it's hell if your 31.

Now I could keep Caitlyn under control. Rubbing her head, whispering sweet nothings into her ear. All things that could keep her occupied for a good hour. What I couldn't control, was the asshole snoring in the row in front of me. Now, I understand, it's Friday, you have worked all week, the last thing you really want to do is sit through Curious George. But come the fuck on??? Now people are looking at him, not really snickering as it is completely annoying. But not a one gets up to ask him to stop. Well, not a one of them. Me on the other hand...I can't stand my husband snoring in the same room as me, I'll be damned if I am going to tolerate a perfect stranger doing it. So I kindly get up, creep over to him, tap him on the shoulder (to which he startles fiercly, and sweetly ask him if he could keep the snoring to a minimum as some kids are having trouble hearing the movie. A bit of a stretch, but I don't give a shit. he looks at me with a very befuddled look on his face and says......can you guess??? They all say it. "I wasn't snoring ma'am." Now I hear people giggle, well women do cause they have all heard this line before. And I kind of giggle too. And I say to him, "Oh good, then I won't have to come over and ask you to stop anymore." And I walk back to my set. And there is no more snoring for the duration of the film.

But a good time was had by both of the girls. Then they came to my house for a sleepover. Which entailed more crappy food, some arguing, playing loudly, some arguing. And it ended with both of them in my bed at about 2am.

Happy Friday

I am grateful that my child is smart...but sometimes it can really be an annoyance. Yesterday when I picked her up from moms, she doesn't even say hi to me. Instead, the first thing out of her mouth is that it is February 9th and tomorrow (today) will be February 10th, which means we can go see Curious George. Because about a month ago when we saw the previews I told her that I would take her and Kelly to see it. Did I think that she would be counting down the days? Hell no. But appearently she is. So here it is Friday morning, and the first thing she says is not good morning mother I am thankful for another day. No. What time are you picking me up at grandma's so that we can go to the movies?

Will let you know how it is....I have no desire to see the silly monkey and the man in the yellow hat. But alas! I will do it. I wanted to wait until Sunday when we could go to a matinee and it is cheaper, but for some reason she just doesn't understand the concept of the "cheaper" shows yet. I must teach her.