Tuesday, February 28, 2006

STOP THE INSANITY!!!!!

The F Word must go. Forever. No questions asked.

So we were doing pretty well, not having heard from the pizza guy in a few days. Even when he was "on" her phone, she would simply hang up and move on to the next person to answer the phone.

Matt is out of town, so I decided to take Caitlyn out for dinner. Just her and I. Thinking it would be something nice for her. And it was. She loves hanging out with mom. But you see, I made one very very very fatal mistake. It was my choice in restaurants. For God's sake, I live in Chicago. There are a million and one places to go to for dinner. And what do I choose? Pizza Hut. What in the hell was I thinking. The pizza guy episode is still so very raw in this child, I totally should have known better than this. Really....I am smarter than this. But why oh why wasn't I tonight?????

You can completely see where I am going with this right?

The evening started out perfectly fine. No mention of the pizza guy and the obscenity to go along with it. Maybe because we had a female waitress, so the "guy" was far from her mind. We eat our food, she stuffs her face just like she always done at Pizza Hut.

Then....out of nowhere...it happens.

"Hey ya fuckin pizza guy!!!"

OH.MY.GOD!!!!

Wanting to crawl under the table, I am silently praying that that so did not just happen. But it did. When I lift my head from praying, my 3 shades of red head, I take a quick inventory to see who is gawking at us. And with good reason too. I mean, how often is it that you get to hear a 4 year old shouting such atrocities? Surprisingly, no one, not a single person is looking at us. For a breif moment I think it didn't happen. That it was all in my head and I was fearing it happening. But the fact that Caitlyn screeched it when she said it, I don't think it was clear to others what she had said. Audible, hell yes, but not clear enough for them to make out what vulgarities she is capable of when pissed off enough.

Then to confirm to me that she had said it, she says to me....

"Mommy did you hear what I said?"

And with that, I see her mouth open, almost in slow motion, and she is about to yell it again to make sure that I heard her. I was able to stop her this time. Which I am absolutely postive had I not stopped her, it most definitely would have warranted a call to DCFS by the management. I mean, who really lets their child yell this shit out, and in public no less??

So upon returning home, we had the talk that we had some time ago about how there are words that we say and words that we don't. And there are words that adults can use that children just aren't allowed to. Yes I am resorting to the old, "Because I am the mom that's why!" And I don't care. If it stops my child from using profanity in public, or for now, I am all about it.

I say again, and damn I am getting awfully tired of sayin git, the vernacular in this house needs to change....and right quick!

Friday, February 24, 2006

The Poor Pizza Guy

I don't know what my child has against the pizza delivery guy. All of the sudden she thinks that he is a lazy guy who apprearently doesn't know how to do his job. So here is the scene as it unfolded at my house the other night....

Mom is on computer (I know shocker!)

Caitlyn is playing on the couch with her toy phone that she can call 911 with. See, I figured I wanted her to be successful in preschool so I would teach her the damn number. Well, the toy would teach it to her, I would just explain when she is allowed to call them from the real phone.

...this toy phone also calls other people, like the little boy down the street, the librarian, the teacher, and of course, the pizza guy.

I hear Caitlyn talking to a few of the fun people in the phone and she is having a grand time with it.

Then....the poor pizza guy picks up. And I hear my child scream in a voice that paralled that of Linda Blair as she is being overtaken by satan himself. And it's not so much the voice that frightened me. Don't get me wrong, it was bone chilling and horrifying, but what came out of her mouth is now seared on my brain forever.

Screaming...."Wake up ya fuckin pizza guy!!"

And over and over and over she screams this. Everynow and again she slams the phone down in disgust. But then she picks the receiver right back up and calls the guy again. Only to yell this disturbing sentence at him once again.

I say again....the vernacular in the house MUST change now!

Monday, February 20, 2006

What is with this kid and toilets?

Some time ago, I posted about Caitlyn falling into the toilet. Not once, but twice. Our toilet issues have resumed. But not in the ways of potty training. We have now reached the stage where we are pretty much potty trained completely. Yes, there are times that we hold our BM's a little too long still. But nowhere near as bad as it used to be requiring a suppository and a lot of heartache on both ends. Instead, she just has experiences with the toilet that I fear are going to scar this poor child for life.

Typically, Caitlyn will get up once a night and go to the bathroom. That is, if she hasn't gone right before bed. Under normal circumstances, I thank my luck stars that she does this. There are a lot of kids that don't wake up from the urge to go. So I know that it is a blessing that she does this. Now, when she wakes up and goes to the bathroom, it usually wakes me up. And all I ever do is just listen for the tinkling in the toilet, and the closing of her bedroom door signifying that all is well.

Last night, or early this morning, I hear her go into the bathroom. I listen intently for the trickle. A sound that never comes. Then I hear slight whimpering. So I call to her to ask if she is okay. (I don't always go in right away cause then she seems to think it's close to the time when she has to get up and wants to chat for a bit.) She doesn't answer my calls. Then I hear all out crying. It is at this point that I assume that she has had an accident in bed. So I get up to clean her up and clean up the bed.

When I enter the bathroom, her pj pants and panties are around her ankles and she is crying. I ask her if she had an accident in her bed and she tells me no. So I attempt to pull up her pants, only to find them soaked. I assume she is still half asleep and doesn't remember the accident. So I take off her pants and tell her to come on in the bedroom while I change the bedding and get clean clothes on her. To my surprise, her bed is dry. It is then that the truth starts to unfold before my very eyes.

I ask her if she has to go pee and she tells me that she already did. Well, obviously, I have the piss ladden pants in my hands to prove it.

The poor girl sat down on the toilet to go. However, she forgot to pull her pants down first. And in her slumbered stupor, she couldn't for the life of her figure out how the hell she had the accident. In her mind, she went on the toilet like she is supposed to.

And of course, this morning, she has no recollection of it whatsoever.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Male or Email

So Caitlyn decided yesterday that she wanted to be a doctor. Makes me happy. However, I know that this choice will change a gazillion times before she actually does "become" something. We get home from mom's and right away she wants to play doctor with me. So we get the little doctor's kit that she has and we start playing.

She wants to be the patient first, so I get to be the doctor. There is a little clip board in her kit that has a bunch of questions on it to ask the patient. One of them is whether or not they are male or felmale. So I ask Caitlyn if she is a boy or a girl. She obviously says girl. Then I tell her that there are other names for boys and girls. Boys are males and girls are females. She understands this and says she is a female.

Then it's my turn to be the patient. She picks up the clip board and starts asking me the questions. Then she asks me if I am a boy or girl. I obviously say girl. Then pose the question to her, What is the other name for a girl?

"A boy is a male and a girl is a .....(insert long pause for her to reach into her memory)..... a girl is an email."

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Children's movies

Taking a child to the theater is always an experience. Caitlyn actually really enjoys it. And she manages to sit through the entire movie, provided it peaks her interest.

Last night I took Kelly and Caitlyn to see Curious George. $19.00 just to enter the theater, and another $18.00 to get popcorn and pop. Sickens me how damn expensive it is to just go watch a movie. How in the hell is a family of say 5 or 6 supposed to go watch a movie???

After purchasing the food, we look for 3 seats. Kelly sits down, I start getting the straws in teh cups and doling out the goods. Caitlyn starts crying. Why? Well because she isn't heavy enough for the damn seat. The stupid thing keeps folding up on her. Now this happened when we went to see Madagascar, and I stupidly thought that maybe my child had put on enough weight by now that she would be able to sit alone this time around. No such luck, I would have a 35 pound 4 year old on my lap for an hour and a half, and the big ol melon of said 4 year old in front of my face the entire movie.

So we get settled into 3 seats, even though we only need 2, near the back of the theater (in case of any urgent bathroom trips or any other emergency that could rear it's ugle head) we are good to go and we wait for the movie to start. And we wait. And we wait. Oh and then we waited a little more. What in the name of all that is holy is with all the damn comercials. And I don't mean previews. I mean commercials. Commericals for Coke, commercials for cell phones. You know...all things that are relevant to the 3-10 year old population. After the commercials, then we make it to the previews. Which those I don't mind so much. And neither do most kids. They are all too busy yelling "I want to see that!!!."

Caitlyn wasn't too thrilled with the movie either. Half way through she started to get antsy. She wants to stand, she wants to talk. The movie just wasn't grabbing her. As an adult, I empathize with this reaction. Cause the movie isn't enjoyable for adults like Madagascar or Toy Story. It's completely geared towards kids. Which is fine, if you're 5, it's hell if your 31.

Now I could keep Caitlyn under control. Rubbing her head, whispering sweet nothings into her ear. All things that could keep her occupied for a good hour. What I couldn't control, was the asshole snoring in the row in front of me. Now, I understand, it's Friday, you have worked all week, the last thing you really want to do is sit through Curious George. But come the fuck on??? Now people are looking at him, not really snickering as it is completely annoying. But not a one gets up to ask him to stop. Well, not a one of them. Me on the other hand...I can't stand my husband snoring in the same room as me, I'll be damned if I am going to tolerate a perfect stranger doing it. So I kindly get up, creep over to him, tap him on the shoulder (to which he startles fiercly, and sweetly ask him if he could keep the snoring to a minimum as some kids are having trouble hearing the movie. A bit of a stretch, but I don't give a shit. he looks at me with a very befuddled look on his face and says......can you guess??? They all say it. "I wasn't snoring ma'am." Now I hear people giggle, well women do cause they have all heard this line before. And I kind of giggle too. And I say to him, "Oh good, then I won't have to come over and ask you to stop anymore." And I walk back to my set. And there is no more snoring for the duration of the film.

But a good time was had by both of the girls. Then they came to my house for a sleepover. Which entailed more crappy food, some arguing, playing loudly, some arguing. And it ended with both of them in my bed at about 2am.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Happy Friday

I am grateful that my child is smart...but sometimes it can really be an annoyance. Yesterday when I picked her up from moms, she doesn't even say hi to me. Instead, the first thing out of her mouth is that it is February 9th and tomorrow (today) will be February 10th, which means we can go see Curious George. Because about a month ago when we saw the previews I told her that I would take her and Kelly to see it. Did I think that she would be counting down the days? Hell no. But appearently she is. So here it is Friday morning, and the first thing she says is not good morning mother I am thankful for another day. No. What time are you picking me up at grandma's so that we can go to the movies?

Will let you know how it is....I have no desire to see the silly monkey and the man in the yellow hat. But alas! I will do it. I wanted to wait until Sunday when we could go to a matinee and it is cheaper, but for some reason she just doesn't understand the concept of the "cheaper" shows yet. I must teach her.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Vocabulary

Our vocabulary is booming these days. And luckily, it's not just with the words that shall not be mentioned. The things that are coming out of this child's mouth the past few weeks is unbelievable to me.

While playing with her doll....
"Look at her hair mommy. Do you like it? Isn't it stylish?"

When telling me about something she did at school....
"We were talking about dinsosaurs. They are extinct now. Do you know what that means mommy? It means there aren't any more here."

In general conversation while telling me about anything.....
"Do you understand that or do youe need me to explain it mom?"

When eating an ice cream last night....
"This is scrumptious mom."

I mean really??? When in the hell did this kid get so smart. And even yet, who is teaching it to her, cause it sure as hell isn't me? Some teacher I am I suppose :P

Friday, February 03, 2006

The Report Card

So the girl did an amazingly wonderful job on her report card. I am in awe that they even give them out to kids who are in preschool to be perfectly honest. And the most shocking thing to me is that the skills that are on it, are things that were on my kindergarted report card. So much more is expected of kids these days. There are actually prerequisites to entering kindergarten. Which I guess I can understand to a certain extent.

The are that I live in are predominantly 2 income households, as are the areas surrounding me. So I assume that the majority of children around here attend preschool or a daycare type preschool. So it is only natural that they learn these things. That's not to say that there aren't stay at home or work at home moms in my neighborhood. They are out there, I have seen them. So if these are parents that don't realize what the prerequisites are for their children come school age, what happens to them upon entering kindergarten? Since technically a child doesn't have to be enrolled in school until they are 6 years old. Though I don't know that I have run across any families out there that keep their children out of school that extra year. But I know they must exist right? What happens to these kids who don't "meet the requirements?" Do they recieve special help right off the bat? Or do the teachers hope that they will catch up to the children who attended school settings?

Anyhow...

So the report card was fabulous. In the majority of skills, shse recieved "R", meaning that she performs the skills on a regular basis. She recieved some with an "S" to indicate that she demonstrates the skill sometimes. And then there was the "N" category. These are skills that she has yet to acquire. There were 4 (I think, I have signed and returned the thing already prompt parent that I am) skills that she can't do as of yet. We have always known that Caitlyn's forte was not in the area of physical skills. Gross motor skills took her forever to get and fine motor skills were on the iffy side. But in the grand scheme of things I have never really worried about these skills either. My focus has always been her cognitive and social/emotional development. Which she is performing outstanding in.

Then there was the ability to call 911. Now if you know my kid, you would think that she would know this. However, I have not taught her how to call the police precisely because I have no desire to have them show up on my doorstep for no reason in particular. And believe me, that is exactly what would happen. She loves the phone, in pure girl fashion. So I can't imagine teaching this to her and telling her that she is allowed to call in teh even of an emergency. My gut tells me that next semester when she receives her report card again, there will be a big fat "N" right next to the one that is there now.

So as a reward for doing so wonderfully, we went to Ceasarland tonight. It's nice to go there to have her burn off all the extra energy that builds up being stuck in the house all week because of the cold. On the other hand, there is the noise, germs, all the same things I mentioned in my McDonald Play Land post. Only intensified about 1000 times. We were there for no less than 3 painstaking hours. Of which I was able to read my book and completely ignore my child. Yes, I was "that" parent tonight.

Something I find truly amazing about being in places like that though.....how is it that with about 150 screaming kids, you can hear and distinguish your own child's scream or cry out of all of the others???? Does that mean that she has just done it so damn much that it is burned on my brain?

Anyhow...she had a splendid time. And she has the big old goose egg on her forehead to prove it. I didn't even know that she rammed her melon into another kid's until we were leaving and she told me about it. Again, I was "that" mother tonight.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

The Anonymous Commentor

This is a mind boggling concept to me. I enjoy reading the blogs that I do, and on some I comment, others I just peruse. However, when I do comment, I always use my name and my information. If on the off chance that I don't, it's typically because I thought I was logged in. But leaving a comment on a person's blog and not identifying yourself? I don't understand this. What could the reason be?

I wonder mainly because I have had some of those anonymous commentors in the last few days. Now I have seen people comment anonymously and at times it because they are trolling and what they have to say is so offensive, and they are so aware of it's offensiveness, that they don't want to be associated with the comment that they are leaving. I guess I can understand that. To be just stirring the pot, to start a "commenting war." And to those people, I say comment anonymously because I really don't want to be bothered with you anyhow.

But then there are the people who really believe in the comment that they are leaving. I mean, after all, they put the effort into composing their thoughts, and put the energy into typing the words out. So why would they not want to be identified? Maybe I feel this way because I am a person that stands behind what I say, regardless of the reactions that it causes. That's not to say that I just spout off the first thing that comes to my head. I do have some control. But if I feel strongly about something, and create a comment about it, I recognize that it will not always be the most popular view, but it's mine none the less. Right? If I were to voice my opinion about hot topics like abortion or the death penalty or welfare reform, I would want to get credit for my own thoughts. So I just don't get the whole leaving an anonymous comment thing.

Another interesting thing about this....with technology today, regardless of anonymity, a person can be found out. Do people really think that they are anonomous on the internet? Cause I have found otherwise. I have a site meter on my blog. It tracks IP's and where people have been referred from. So I see where comments are coming from. All you really need to do is match the time of the comment with the referral, and viola! you have your commentor. So by claiming anonymity, all they really do is peak my interest and cause to me delve into it a little more.