Caitlyn was very worried when I picked her up at school today. It seems that the teacher has mentioned to the children that not all the moms have joined PTA....and they need to. So Caitlyn desperately wanted to know when I was going to sign the form and send it back. (Joining PTA doesn't mean being involved in any of the activities. Basically, give them your $5.00 and shut the hell up while they do their jobs.) So I told Cate that of course I would fill out the form and send it in.
She is sitting at the table right now, finishing her lunch that she didn't eat in school and she says to me....
"Mom, are you really really going to join the PTA? Cause it's a lot of work and you are going to get really tired."
(leads me to believe that the teacher let them know just how much work the PTA moms do)
I assured her that I was going to join.....again.
"But mom, it takes a lot of time. Will you still be my mommy even if you join the PTA?"
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Sunday, September 17, 2006
They actually won a game!!
Yesterday Caitlyn's team won their first game!!!! There is a new kid on the team. He hasn't been to practice all summer (not that we have had that many, see previous post) because he has been out of the country. He is from the Ukraine. Well, the rules state that regardless of attendance at practice, kids are to play 2 full quarters at each game. Our coach complained about it all damn summer, that the kid shouldn't be allowed to play since our kids have worked so hard at practices, etc. Well, onto the field walks this little man who speaks hardly and english, and manages to score 3 goals for us. I am pretty sure that the coach is now thankful for that rule that he hated so much all summer.
The girl still has this cold, it's been over a week now. But it is progressing, went from a barky cough, to a wet cough, and now a runny nose with a cough. So we should be nearing the end stages of it very soon. At least I hope that we are.
The girl still has this cold, it's been over a week now. But it is progressing, went from a barky cough, to a wet cough, and now a runny nose with a cough. So we should be nearing the end stages of it very soon. At least I hope that we are.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Mommy and Daddy sitting in a tree....
Ah the joys of being around our peers. Imgaine this....
I pick up the girl from mom's and we are in front of the house. I am gathering up bags and crap before opening the doors. I hear Cate singing in the back seat....
Mommy and Daddy sitting in a tree.
K-I-S-S-T-U-V.
I think I may have even peed a little in my pants with that one.
I pick up the girl from mom's and we are in front of the house. I am gathering up bags and crap before opening the doors. I hear Cate singing in the back seat....
Mommy and Daddy sitting in a tree.
K-I-S-S-T-U-V.
I think I may have even peed a little in my pants with that one.
Monday, September 11, 2006
First day of school....and some other things
I have tried to make this post on about 4 different occasions. However, blogger decided that I shouldn't be allowed to post and my computer kept crashing on me. So here it is now...let's hope it works.
Caitlyn started school last week, only half days though. Today is her first full day (9am-2pm) and her first day of eating lunch at school. I am a little concerned about the whole lunch thing only because her fine motor skills are nothing to brag about. So I have tried to make everything in the lunch box as easily accessible as possible. We'll see how that went when I pick her up from Mom's this afternoon.
Here she is on her way to orientation with me last week...
It seems that it is all about the clothes even when you are only 5 years old. She wants to look perfect every single day. In which case, I told her that if that is her wish, then she needs to not be so damn crabby in the morning. Yeah right!
Soccer is going along nicely. I, however, am about to lose my patience with the coach. he is a wonderful man, really. He's great with the kids and has a load of fun with them. However, these poor kids are getting their asses handed to them at games. And I don't so much mind that they are losing, neither does Cate. Matter of fact, I don't think that she even realizes that they aren't winning. She is really just pleased to be wearing a uniform of any sort and be part of a team. But my rant comes in when they haven't practiced in over 3 weeks. Every week the coach calls and cancels practice on us. Some days he doesn't even call. We go there and we wait, no coach, no practice. It's really starting to irritate me to say the least. If the trend continues through this week, there will be a phone call made to the park district.
Regardless of winning, losing, not having practice, my girl looks way cute in her soccer uniform.
Here she is with her new friend Maya....
And here she is doing her thing and running after the ball. Which let me tell you, is a rarity. She really does prefer to play with her hair while she is out on the field. Another favorite past time is walking on the lines that are drawn on the field. So we have decided that soccer may not be her forte. We will be trying out dance, and that starts in December. I think we will have better luck there as there is no physical contact so she doesn't have to worry about being knocked into by some other kid....
Caitlyn started school last week, only half days though. Today is her first full day (9am-2pm) and her first day of eating lunch at school. I am a little concerned about the whole lunch thing only because her fine motor skills are nothing to brag about. So I have tried to make everything in the lunch box as easily accessible as possible. We'll see how that went when I pick her up from Mom's this afternoon.
Here she is on her way to orientation with me last week...
It seems that it is all about the clothes even when you are only 5 years old. She wants to look perfect every single day. In which case, I told her that if that is her wish, then she needs to not be so damn crabby in the morning. Yeah right!
Soccer is going along nicely. I, however, am about to lose my patience with the coach. he is a wonderful man, really. He's great with the kids and has a load of fun with them. However, these poor kids are getting their asses handed to them at games. And I don't so much mind that they are losing, neither does Cate. Matter of fact, I don't think that she even realizes that they aren't winning. She is really just pleased to be wearing a uniform of any sort and be part of a team. But my rant comes in when they haven't practiced in over 3 weeks. Every week the coach calls and cancels practice on us. Some days he doesn't even call. We go there and we wait, no coach, no practice. It's really starting to irritate me to say the least. If the trend continues through this week, there will be a phone call made to the park district.
Regardless of winning, losing, not having practice, my girl looks way cute in her soccer uniform.
Here she is with her new friend Maya....
And here she is doing her thing and running after the ball. Which let me tell you, is a rarity. She really does prefer to play with her hair while she is out on the field. Another favorite past time is walking on the lines that are drawn on the field. So we have decided that soccer may not be her forte. We will be trying out dance, and that starts in December. I think we will have better luck there as there is no physical contact so she doesn't have to worry about being knocked into by some other kid....
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Her head in the trees
How cool is this picture??? I was outside playing with the girl the other day and we decided that she should stand in the tree to take a picture. I hadn't even noticed the sunset behind her until I uploaded the pictures to my computer.
(it also shows very well just how long this child's legs really are)
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Don't thank me
Me: Cate will you grab a soda for mommy?
Cate: Sure mama.
Me (upon her bringing it to me): Thank you my lovey.
Cate: Don't thank me, thank technology.
Moral of the story....apparently too much TV.
Cate: Sure mama.
Me (upon her bringing it to me): Thank you my lovey.
Cate: Don't thank me, thank technology.
Moral of the story....apparently too much TV.
Friday, August 18, 2006
The Porch is finally done
All safe and secure now. I no longer have to worry about the thing collapsing around me when I walk up or down the stairs. It actually turned out to be a pretty painless process. I kept the windows closed the entire time so as to escape the massive amounts of dust that was created from the project. And the workers that were here doing it get a big high five from me. They worked non stop and through the horrible heat that we had.
Here are some before pics
Here is the after pic
(ignore the girl in her jammies on the stairs...it was morning and we were on my way to mom's and sometimes she doesn't want to get dressed before going there)
The men who did the cement work were even kind enough to let us get Cate's handprints in there. She is beside herself with glee knowing that they will be there forever ;)
Now I just have some serious landscaping issues on my hands to say the least. I am the proud owner of that large pile of rocks and dirt. I have not the slightest clue what I will be doing with that space. But something certainly needs to be done with it soon.
I have managed to survive the first week back at work. It was complete hell waking up in the morning, but I lived. We are all getting back into the swing of things now.
Here are some before pics
Here is the after pic
(ignore the girl in her jammies on the stairs...it was morning and we were on my way to mom's and sometimes she doesn't want to get dressed before going there)
The men who did the cement work were even kind enough to let us get Cate's handprints in there. She is beside herself with glee knowing that they will be there forever ;)
Now I just have some serious landscaping issues on my hands to say the least. I am the proud owner of that large pile of rocks and dirt. I have not the slightest clue what I will be doing with that space. But something certainly needs to be done with it soon.
I have managed to survive the first week back at work. It was complete hell waking up in the morning, but I lived. We are all getting back into the swing of things now.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Scary Stories
The baseball game was tons of fun! Caitlyn thoroughly enjoyed every little bit of it. The fact that the Sox managed 8 runs in one inning, a couple homeruns, and lots of cheering, made her having to sit in a little chair so much easier.
The first soccer game that was supposed to happen on Saturday has been cancelled. Seems the park district hasn't drawn the lines on the field as of yesterday. I can understand why they haven't though. It's not like they didn't know about this all summer or anything.
Now on to the scary stories bit. It seems that Caitlyn has enjoyed a few episodes of telling scary stories with Kelly. The problem is, she is only 5 and Kelly is 10. So Caitlyn's stories are nowhere near as frightening as Kelly's. So Kelly plays it off as though she is scared. Caitlyn....she isn't playing, the child is scred shitless when she gets into bed these days. No matter what I do I can not convince her that there are no zombies waiting for her, no monsters, nothing in the closet, and that I am one room away from her if she needs me. For the last week, going to bed has been hell. It's either too dark, or too quiet, or she heard a noise, or she can't stop thinking about the things that are scaring her.
I really am hoping that eventually this will just go away. If it doesn't, then she is going to be one sleepy girl when she does go back to school. Cause now it is taking her at least an hour to fall asleep.
The first soccer game that was supposed to happen on Saturday has been cancelled. Seems the park district hasn't drawn the lines on the field as of yesterday. I can understand why they haven't though. It's not like they didn't know about this all summer or anything.
Now on to the scary stories bit. It seems that Caitlyn has enjoyed a few episodes of telling scary stories with Kelly. The problem is, she is only 5 and Kelly is 10. So Caitlyn's stories are nowhere near as frightening as Kelly's. So Kelly plays it off as though she is scared. Caitlyn....she isn't playing, the child is scred shitless when she gets into bed these days. No matter what I do I can not convince her that there are no zombies waiting for her, no monsters, nothing in the closet, and that I am one room away from her if she needs me. For the last week, going to bed has been hell. It's either too dark, or too quiet, or she heard a noise, or she can't stop thinking about the things that are scaring her.
I really am hoping that eventually this will just go away. If it doesn't, then she is going to be one sleepy girl when she does go back to school. Cause now it is taking her at least an hour to fall asleep.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
One more day
of sleeping in :( Caitlyn is going to feel the ramifications of my going back to work as well. She has gotten into the habit of sleeping in later than I do. I woke her up at 9am on Thursday because we had to be somewhere at 10. I heard bellowing from the bedroom within 10 minutes that she wanted to sleep longer as it was "too early to be awake" according to her. (side note....man I love how my child loves to sleep in)
On Tuesday, she will have to be up and out of the house with me by 7:30ish. Can't wait to see the demon that surfaces in place of my child when that shit happens.
We are going to the Sox game tomorrow, it's Cate's first official baseball game. I'm sure that she will have a ball even though she fights with Daddy all the time about who the better team is....the White Sox or the Cubs. Hopefully she won't start that up at the game. If she does, look for us on the next season of Cops.
Her first soccer game is on Saturday. Can't wait for that. Nothing like a pac of toddlers running back and forth after a ball and every now and again accidentally kicking it into the goal. Though I must say that there are some really athletic kids on her team. It's amazing to me how you can see athleticism in some children even at this young of an age. It also brings to my attention just how not athletic Caitlyn really is :P No biggie though, she loves playing it and loves even more that she is on a team of any sort.
I am also freaking out about kindergarten already. I'm not so worried about her being there all day, I am sure she will adjust fine to that. What I am worried about is her ability to do certain things while she is there. Things like open up her fruit snack or her applesauce, or get the straw into the juice box, or even something as simple as opening up her pencil box. These are all things that I could have worked on this summer had I even thought about them. Unfortunately they never even crossed my mind. So needless to say, we have been working on them for the last couple of weeks. And even though she is getting better at some of them, they are still pretty tough for her to do. When we go for the orientation, I am going to have a chat with the teacher and hopefully she will be able to calm some of my fears.
On Tuesday, she will have to be up and out of the house with me by 7:30ish. Can't wait to see the demon that surfaces in place of my child when that shit happens.
We are going to the Sox game tomorrow, it's Cate's first official baseball game. I'm sure that she will have a ball even though she fights with Daddy all the time about who the better team is....the White Sox or the Cubs. Hopefully she won't start that up at the game. If she does, look for us on the next season of Cops.
Her first soccer game is on Saturday. Can't wait for that. Nothing like a pac of toddlers running back and forth after a ball and every now and again accidentally kicking it into the goal. Though I must say that there are some really athletic kids on her team. It's amazing to me how you can see athleticism in some children even at this young of an age. It also brings to my attention just how not athletic Caitlyn really is :P No biggie though, she loves playing it and loves even more that she is on a team of any sort.
I am also freaking out about kindergarten already. I'm not so worried about her being there all day, I am sure she will adjust fine to that. What I am worried about is her ability to do certain things while she is there. Things like open up her fruit snack or her applesauce, or get the straw into the juice box, or even something as simple as opening up her pencil box. These are all things that I could have worked on this summer had I even thought about them. Unfortunately they never even crossed my mind. So needless to say, we have been working on them for the last couple of weeks. And even though she is getting better at some of them, they are still pretty tough for her to do. When we go for the orientation, I am going to have a chat with the teacher and hopefully she will be able to calm some of my fears.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Back to work
Only 7 more days left to my summer vacation :( Was wonderful though. The girl and I spent loads of time together and mainly just relaxed. Nothing too stressful which was wonderful. Of course I didn't get nearly all of the things completed that I had wanted to. But oh well....there's always next summer right :P
Caitlyn is loving soccer! She looks oh so cute in her shin guards and cleats. (of course being the fashionista that she is, the outfit is the most important part of being on a soccer team.) Her first game is the 16th I belive. We don't have the schedule yet so I am not exactly sure about that. Though I am sure when I do know, she will have a huge fan base at her games.
Matt has begun football practice again. So I am a widow once more. But that's ok...some days I think I prefer being in the house with just Caitlyn. There's not a lot of dinner cooking that goes on either which is always a bonus.
Other than that, not too much going on in our lives. The porch is nearly finished. I was awoken today to the sound of a jackhammer tearing up the walkway. And the concrete people are the final phase in the project. So hopefull that will be completed by the beginning of mest week sometime :)
Caitlyn is loving soccer! She looks oh so cute in her shin guards and cleats. (of course being the fashionista that she is, the outfit is the most important part of being on a soccer team.) Her first game is the 16th I belive. We don't have the schedule yet so I am not exactly sure about that. Though I am sure when I do know, she will have a huge fan base at her games.
Matt has begun football practice again. So I am a widow once more. But that's ok...some days I think I prefer being in the house with just Caitlyn. There's not a lot of dinner cooking that goes on either which is always a bonus.
Other than that, not too much going on in our lives. The porch is nearly finished. I was awoken today to the sound of a jackhammer tearing up the walkway. And the concrete people are the final phase in the project. So hopefull that will be completed by the beginning of mest week sometime :)
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Catching Up
Caitlyn's birthday was wonderful. We had a little surprise party with immediate family here at the house for her. She was absolutely thrilled with it. She had some balloons and cake and got a few presents.
Then there was the big party at Caesarland. She had a couple of her friends from school there and pretty much everyone in her family. She got loads and loads of really great stuff. She even got the Lightening McQueen car from the movie Cars. But most importantly she got her Cabbage Patch Doll with brown hair and blue eyes like she wanted.
About a week or so after the birthday, we went to Wisconsin for a few days. Caitlyn was like a fish in the water, even going under on her own a few times. She absolutely loved being up there with the family!
All in all a very busy few weeks for all of us. But we are enjoying the good weather and doing lots of fun things. More to come on the soccer front very soon!
Then there was the big party at Caesarland. She had a couple of her friends from school there and pretty much everyone in her family. She got loads and loads of really great stuff. She even got the Lightening McQueen car from the movie Cars. But most importantly she got her Cabbage Patch Doll with brown hair and blue eyes like she wanted.
About a week or so after the birthday, we went to Wisconsin for a few days. Caitlyn was like a fish in the water, even going under on her own a few times. She absolutely loved being up there with the family!
All in all a very busy few weeks for all of us. But we are enjoying the good weather and doing lots of fun things. More to come on the soccer front very soon!
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Happy Birthday to my Miracle
Happy Birthday my sweet girl!
For the last 5 years you have made mommy and daddy more proud of you than you can ever imagine. We love you so very much!
For the last 5 years you have made mommy and daddy more proud of you than you can ever imagine. We love you so very much!
Good Appointment
After 5 calls from the doctor on MOnday and Tuesday morning, we made it to the doctor. And it was a fantastic appointment.
Caitlyn now weighs 36 pounds (up 3 pounds from last year) and is just over 44 inches tall (up pver 4 inches from last year). He is certain that she is going to be a tall tall girl ;) Her body mass index is 13. Which technically would put her as being underweight. He said that he would in no way classify her as underweight though. Tall and skinny, yes. Underweight, no. She is now in the 75th percentile (wow) for height and the 50th percentile (even more wow) for weight.
We got the go ahead that we no longer need to go to the eye specialist. He doesn't foresee anything more happening with her retinas as far as deterioration goes. They have recovered from the ROP and there would be no regression at this point. So if we feel the need to, we can just see a regular optometrist on a yearly basis. Or we could let the school do their screenings and if something comes up then we could contact the doctor for a referral to a specialist. So I am content with that for now.
Basically she got a clean bill of health and he is overly pleased with her growth and her progress. My little girlie has amazed them all once again ;)
Caitlyn now weighs 36 pounds (up 3 pounds from last year) and is just over 44 inches tall (up pver 4 inches from last year). He is certain that she is going to be a tall tall girl ;) Her body mass index is 13. Which technically would put her as being underweight. He said that he would in no way classify her as underweight though. Tall and skinny, yes. Underweight, no. She is now in the 75th percentile (wow) for height and the 50th percentile (even more wow) for weight.
We got the go ahead that we no longer need to go to the eye specialist. He doesn't foresee anything more happening with her retinas as far as deterioration goes. They have recovered from the ROP and there would be no regression at this point. So if we feel the need to, we can just see a regular optometrist on a yearly basis. Or we could let the school do their screenings and if something comes up then we could contact the doctor for a referral to a specialist. So I am content with that for now.
Basically she got a clean bill of health and he is overly pleased with her growth and her progress. My little girlie has amazed them all once again ;)
Sunday, June 18, 2006
I knew I would jinx myself
When I posted last night (early this morning) about Caitlyn not having been to the doctor in about 6 months, I thought twice about it. I knew the minute that I hit the submit button the kid was going to be sick. Sure enough, she woke up with a stuffy nose this morning :( I don't want her to be sick for her birthday party which is in one week from today. Hopefully this is a very short lived cold and it will pass in no time at all.
...she may get out of those shots at the doctor after all.
...she may get out of those shots at the doctor after all.
It's Official
I am the parent of a kindergarten child! I can't believe that. I'm not exactly sure where I was or what I was doing, but this child grew up without me really realizing it. I mean I knew she was getting bigger cause I was buying the larger size clothes and shoes. But Kindergarten???
She finished school last Wednesday and came home with a school supply list for next year and her report card. The list is funny. I think the part I giggled most about was the fact that they want a box of 24 crayons. Normal enough. But then it says to label EACH crayon with the child's name. That's going to be loads of fun for me. Anyone know where I can buy crayons that are labelled with the kid's name already on them? Cause I will stock up on those bad boys if they do in fact exist.
Now the report card. You may remember me mentioning that Caitlyn got marked down on her last report card because she couldn't dial 911. And I got that phone that called the police...and the pizza guy (poor poor pizza guy). And she can now call 911. However she appearently wouldn't do it fo rhte teacher, so it says that she hasn't mastered it. Maybe I will call the teachers voicemail and let Cate demonstrate her knowledge of dialing 911 as well as the pizza guy. That would most certainly prompt a call to children's services LOL. But overall her report card was wonderful. Still lagging in the gross and fine motor areas. Like I said before though, I am not to concerned with that as long as she is doing okay as far as her cognitive stuff goes. And she is doing great with that.
I finished work on Friday and am now done until August :) Which I couldn't be happier about. I already have my week off planned out. And of course very little of it actually revolves around me. Caitlyn has her 5 year check up and school physical on Tuesday. She is already trying to tell me that she is going to talk to the doctor about not getting any shots. To quote her, "Sometimes doctors say yes to kids right Mommy?" You keep telling yourself that and see how far you get :P I am also finishing up her birthday party stuff. This year, there is no theme? She had Bratz invites and has a plain white cake with a crown and wand on it. So pretty simple which is nice. It is going to be at Caesarland (which is the generic Chuck E Cheese). And she can't wait for it!
I am working on the list of things for Cate's NICU stay....but it is getting very long. So I am not sure that I am going to post all of it. But I have already printed out the list from the other day and put it in her baby book for her. I am also trying to convince Matt to do a list as well as his perspective on it is so different from mine. I think it will be such a wonderful thing for her to have when she is older. Mainly cause it is so very personal.
Okay, off to bed. Too late for me to be up. will post an update after the doctor. She hasn't been there in a while (6 months or so) so I am anxious to see how much my girlie weighs!
She finished school last Wednesday and came home with a school supply list for next year and her report card. The list is funny. I think the part I giggled most about was the fact that they want a box of 24 crayons. Normal enough. But then it says to label EACH crayon with the child's name. That's going to be loads of fun for me. Anyone know where I can buy crayons that are labelled with the kid's name already on them? Cause I will stock up on those bad boys if they do in fact exist.
Now the report card. You may remember me mentioning that Caitlyn got marked down on her last report card because she couldn't dial 911. And I got that phone that called the police...and the pizza guy (poor poor pizza guy). And she can now call 911. However she appearently wouldn't do it fo rhte teacher, so it says that she hasn't mastered it. Maybe I will call the teachers voicemail and let Cate demonstrate her knowledge of dialing 911 as well as the pizza guy. That would most certainly prompt a call to children's services LOL. But overall her report card was wonderful. Still lagging in the gross and fine motor areas. Like I said before though, I am not to concerned with that as long as she is doing okay as far as her cognitive stuff goes. And she is doing great with that.
I finished work on Friday and am now done until August :) Which I couldn't be happier about. I already have my week off planned out. And of course very little of it actually revolves around me. Caitlyn has her 5 year check up and school physical on Tuesday. She is already trying to tell me that she is going to talk to the doctor about not getting any shots. To quote her, "Sometimes doctors say yes to kids right Mommy?" You keep telling yourself that and see how far you get :P I am also finishing up her birthday party stuff. This year, there is no theme? She had Bratz invites and has a plain white cake with a crown and wand on it. So pretty simple which is nice. It is going to be at Caesarland (which is the generic Chuck E Cheese). And she can't wait for it!
I am working on the list of things for Cate's NICU stay....but it is getting very long. So I am not sure that I am going to post all of it. But I have already printed out the list from the other day and put it in her baby book for her. I am also trying to convince Matt to do a list as well as his perspective on it is so different from mine. I think it will be such a wonderful thing for her to have when she is older. Mainly cause it is so very personal.
Okay, off to bed. Too late for me to be up. will post an update after the doctor. She hasn't been there in a while (6 months or so) so I am anxious to see how much my girlie weighs!
Monday, June 12, 2006
I will never forget....
With Caitlyn's birthday quickly approaching, it seems I always do some reflecting around this time. With the help of Beth, I have created a little (yeah right) list of things that I will never forget about her birth (nor do I want to forget them). In the next few days I will also do one about her NICU stay. But here is a list of things I will never forget about the day my sweet girlie was born!
The pain in my rib cage that was so horrific that I thought I was dying.
Realizing that something wasn't right and this wasn't just "normal pregnancy stuff."
Realizing that you really hadn't been moving a lot in the last few days despite the fact that prior to this you never stopped moving.
Telling Matt that something was really wrong and I think we needed to go to the hospital.
Thinking that I was over reacting and at least we would be able to get dinner at Hooter's on our way home.
Having at least 10 nurses ask me how far apart the contractions were.
Telling everyone medical professional I encountered that I was CERTAINLY not in labor....I just had some gas issues.
Actually telling Matt in the waiting room that the pain has subsided again and maybe we should just go home.
Having the doctor suspect that my gallbladder would need to come out.
Being completely devastated at the thought of having surgery at 25 weeks of pregnancy. (if I had only known how much better of an alternative this was, I might have actually been praying for that to happen)
An hour after them telling me it was probably my gallbladder, having a doctor come in and tell me that I had some condition that happens only in pregnancy and that I would be delivering my child within 48 hours as that was the only cure for this disease.
Getting no other real explanation for the next 30 minutes, just sitting there with Matt not knowing what in the hell just happened. For God's sake I really only had gas right?????
Telling Matt that he needs to prepare himself for this child to die. Exact words: "I am only 25 weeks pregnant Matt. Babies born that early don't live, so you need to prepare yourself." What I was really doing was saying it out loud so that I could convince myself.
The look on Matt's mother's face when she showed up at the hospital.
My brother crying next to me. Him giving me his necklace with his crucifix and football number to wear so that I would know he was with me and giving me strength.
Having the perinatologist and the neonatologist give me the grim details of having a baby born at 25 weeks.
Those same people asking me if I had any questions and responding no. How in the world was I supposed to come up with questions about any of this when it all seemed so surreal??
Being on magnesium sulfate.
Not knowing where the next 12 hours were going due to all the medications I was on.
The nurse wrapping the arms of the bed in sheets. "It's in case you have a seizure dear, we don't want you to hit your head."
Immediately following her exit of my room my saying to Matt, "Exactly how fucking sick am I?" (Of course we still hadn't gotten a full explanation of what my condition was. Other than it's name and the fact that I had to deliver and a few other details abotu the condition.)
How dark the room had to be to prevent stimulation.
Having the doctors tell Matt that we could make the decision to save me or the baby.
Telling Matt that if the decision came down to him, he was to choose me.
Trying to keep that stupid oxygen mask on my face and how sweaty my face was from it.
Blood draws every 2 hours.
Blood pressure readings every 20 minutes. Eventually moved to every 15 minutes, and by the end, every 10 minutes.
That damn blood pressure machine constantly beeping to alert the nurses station that my blood pressure was soaring higher than the settings they had previously put it at. And how long it seemed to take them to come in and reset the damn machine.
A nurse trying to get more blood out of my collapsed and dried up veins and telling me that she may have to get it from my foot.
The doctor who was convinced you weighed about 2 pounds (could she have been more wrong :P)
Dr. Pepper. I thought I was on too many drugs but that really was her name. Matt can verify it.
Knowing that I would be completely knocked out for your birth and not even be able to see you until I was stable.
Knowing that Matt wouldn't be allowed to be in the operating room when you were born.
Knowing that you would be surrounded by complete strangers and not even be able to hear a familiar voice when you were born.
The final blood draw that indicated you had to be delivered now. Looking at the clock and noting that it was 5:40 in the morning, only about 12 hours after we had originally been checked in. So much for their 48 hours theory.
The craziness in the room as they were prepping me for surgery.
Having a catheter put in.
Matt asking me who he should call to come to the hospital (really...we thought we had 48 hours LOL)
Knowing that my mom was on her way after work even though I specifically told her not to come and I would call her tomorrow.
Telling one of the nurses I need to kiss my husband and her telling me there was no time. Then hearing another nurse sternly tell her "Stop the bed so she can kiss her husband. She is very sick."
My arms being strapped down to the table in the OR. And of course immediately getting an itch on my nose.
How bright everything was in the OR.
How badly I was shaking and crying yet trying to be so very strong. I tried so hard not to cry and shake, it seemed that only made it worse.
The doctor who stood next to me and held my hand and said that she would be holding it throughout the surgery.
Someone telling me to count down from 10.
Sucking in the anesthesia so hard because all I wanted to do was go to sleep and pretend none of this was really happening.
NOT falling asleep as quickly as I should have and hearing the anesthesiologist tell the nurse that she must push down on my airway to keep it open, then him saying it a second and a third time. The whole time praying that the dope would kick in and I would just pass out.
Feeling as though I couldn't breathe and having no way to tell any of them.
Hearing the surgeon say "I can't wait anymore. I have to cut now." (not sure if the anesthesia finally kicked in or if that comment made me pass out :P)
The pain in my rib cage that was so horrific that I thought I was dying.
Realizing that something wasn't right and this wasn't just "normal pregnancy stuff."
Realizing that you really hadn't been moving a lot in the last few days despite the fact that prior to this you never stopped moving.
Telling Matt that something was really wrong and I think we needed to go to the hospital.
Thinking that I was over reacting and at least we would be able to get dinner at Hooter's on our way home.
Having at least 10 nurses ask me how far apart the contractions were.
Telling everyone medical professional I encountered that I was CERTAINLY not in labor....I just had some gas issues.
Actually telling Matt in the waiting room that the pain has subsided again and maybe we should just go home.
Having the doctor suspect that my gallbladder would need to come out.
Being completely devastated at the thought of having surgery at 25 weeks of pregnancy. (if I had only known how much better of an alternative this was, I might have actually been praying for that to happen)
An hour after them telling me it was probably my gallbladder, having a doctor come in and tell me that I had some condition that happens only in pregnancy and that I would be delivering my child within 48 hours as that was the only cure for this disease.
Getting no other real explanation for the next 30 minutes, just sitting there with Matt not knowing what in the hell just happened. For God's sake I really only had gas right?????
Telling Matt that he needs to prepare himself for this child to die. Exact words: "I am only 25 weeks pregnant Matt. Babies born that early don't live, so you need to prepare yourself." What I was really doing was saying it out loud so that I could convince myself.
The look on Matt's mother's face when she showed up at the hospital.
My brother crying next to me. Him giving me his necklace with his crucifix and football number to wear so that I would know he was with me and giving me strength.
Having the perinatologist and the neonatologist give me the grim details of having a baby born at 25 weeks.
Those same people asking me if I had any questions and responding no. How in the world was I supposed to come up with questions about any of this when it all seemed so surreal??
Being on magnesium sulfate.
Not knowing where the next 12 hours were going due to all the medications I was on.
The nurse wrapping the arms of the bed in sheets. "It's in case you have a seizure dear, we don't want you to hit your head."
Immediately following her exit of my room my saying to Matt, "Exactly how fucking sick am I?" (Of course we still hadn't gotten a full explanation of what my condition was. Other than it's name and the fact that I had to deliver and a few other details abotu the condition.)
How dark the room had to be to prevent stimulation.
Having the doctors tell Matt that we could make the decision to save me or the baby.
Telling Matt that if the decision came down to him, he was to choose me.
Trying to keep that stupid oxygen mask on my face and how sweaty my face was from it.
Blood draws every 2 hours.
Blood pressure readings every 20 minutes. Eventually moved to every 15 minutes, and by the end, every 10 minutes.
That damn blood pressure machine constantly beeping to alert the nurses station that my blood pressure was soaring higher than the settings they had previously put it at. And how long it seemed to take them to come in and reset the damn machine.
A nurse trying to get more blood out of my collapsed and dried up veins and telling me that she may have to get it from my foot.
The doctor who was convinced you weighed about 2 pounds (could she have been more wrong :P)
Dr. Pepper. I thought I was on too many drugs but that really was her name. Matt can verify it.
Knowing that I would be completely knocked out for your birth and not even be able to see you until I was stable.
Knowing that Matt wouldn't be allowed to be in the operating room when you were born.
Knowing that you would be surrounded by complete strangers and not even be able to hear a familiar voice when you were born.
The final blood draw that indicated you had to be delivered now. Looking at the clock and noting that it was 5:40 in the morning, only about 12 hours after we had originally been checked in. So much for their 48 hours theory.
The craziness in the room as they were prepping me for surgery.
Having a catheter put in.
Matt asking me who he should call to come to the hospital (really...we thought we had 48 hours LOL)
Knowing that my mom was on her way after work even though I specifically told her not to come and I would call her tomorrow.
Telling one of the nurses I need to kiss my husband and her telling me there was no time. Then hearing another nurse sternly tell her "Stop the bed so she can kiss her husband. She is very sick."
My arms being strapped down to the table in the OR. And of course immediately getting an itch on my nose.
How bright everything was in the OR.
How badly I was shaking and crying yet trying to be so very strong. I tried so hard not to cry and shake, it seemed that only made it worse.
The doctor who stood next to me and held my hand and said that she would be holding it throughout the surgery.
Someone telling me to count down from 10.
Sucking in the anesthesia so hard because all I wanted to do was go to sleep and pretend none of this was really happening.
NOT falling asleep as quickly as I should have and hearing the anesthesiologist tell the nurse that she must push down on my airway to keep it open, then him saying it a second and a third time. The whole time praying that the dope would kick in and I would just pass out.
Feeling as though I couldn't breathe and having no way to tell any of them.
Hearing the surgeon say "I can't wait anymore. I have to cut now." (not sure if the anesthesia finally kicked in or if that comment made me pass out :P)
Sunday, June 11, 2006
The Light at the End of the Tunnel
Only 2 more days of school for the girl. And only 5 more days of school for me. Turns out I am taking the pay cut and the change in positions. After much mulling and thought provoking conversations with my husband, we (I) decided that I need my summers off now more than ever.
I went into teaching not only because I wanted to teach and work with special needs children, but because I wanted those summer vacations and winter and spring breaks. Well, almost 10 years into teaching, it turns out I have only ever had one summer off and a nice long stint last summer. For my mental health, the mental health of my employers, and the mental health of the students and parents I work with, it is imperative that I start taking the summers off.
Now I know that many of you don't get nearly as much vacation as you need. And really why should I be whining when technically I can take about 6 weeks off in the summer right? I always give the same answer...I went to school knowing that I would have the summers off and you could have done the same thing. That's the bitchy answer. The more thought out and personable answer is that ....well I guess there isn't really one. I could say that it's because I work my ass off most of the school year and I deserve it. But I know plenty of you that do as well. So that wouldn't be a fair argument either. It always goes back to that idea of I went to school knowing full well that this was a perk of the career.
Anywho...10 more days until the girl's birthday. Makes me want to scream. How in the hell did she get to be 5?? Where was I when this transpired???
My friend Beth wrote a little something on her website about all the things that she remembers about her boys birth and NICU hiatus. It is very well written. And I am going to completely steal her idea and write one of my own. Not tonight of course as it is nearing 11:30 and I need to get some sleep at some point. But it will be coming. I think it is a good thing to do being I am so far removed from it now it seems. And I want Caitlyn to know what her first months were like....horrific as they were.
I went into teaching not only because I wanted to teach and work with special needs children, but because I wanted those summer vacations and winter and spring breaks. Well, almost 10 years into teaching, it turns out I have only ever had one summer off and a nice long stint last summer. For my mental health, the mental health of my employers, and the mental health of the students and parents I work with, it is imperative that I start taking the summers off.
Now I know that many of you don't get nearly as much vacation as you need. And really why should I be whining when technically I can take about 6 weeks off in the summer right? I always give the same answer...I went to school knowing that I would have the summers off and you could have done the same thing. That's the bitchy answer. The more thought out and personable answer is that ....well I guess there isn't really one. I could say that it's because I work my ass off most of the school year and I deserve it. But I know plenty of you that do as well. So that wouldn't be a fair argument either. It always goes back to that idea of I went to school knowing full well that this was a perk of the career.
Anywho...10 more days until the girl's birthday. Makes me want to scream. How in the hell did she get to be 5?? Where was I when this transpired???
My friend Beth wrote a little something on her website about all the things that she remembers about her boys birth and NICU hiatus. It is very well written. And I am going to completely steal her idea and write one of my own. Not tonight of course as it is nearing 11:30 and I need to get some sleep at some point. But it will be coming. I think it is a good thing to do being I am so far removed from it now it seems. And I want Caitlyn to know what her first months were like....horrific as they were.
Friday, June 02, 2006
I Lost Her!
It has happened to me. I lost my child today for about 3.7 minutes. And it was the longest 3.7 minutes of my entire life. Seems even longer than the entire 106 days she was in the hospital.
Here's the scenario....
We were at the school picnic today and having a ball. They had Jumping Jacks and games and food. All in all it was a really nice set up that they put on. Matt and I were sitting with a couple of other parents on some blankets. Caitlyn was running back and forth to the games with some of her little friends. She was typically gone about 5 or less minutes each time. And everytime, I was able to see where she was at. Except for this one time.
She and Alexis were going to get face painting done and tatoos. Fine by me, I will see you in a few minutes. Just as we had been doing. I turned around to put some stuff back in our backpack or something. When I looked up, I couldn't see her and Alexis anymore. Now, I didn't freak out right away. I figured they were at the table getting painted on. So I told Matt, I was going to go over to the table to see her. I stood up to leave, and Alexis comes running back to the blanket.....WITHOUT Caitlyn. Now, I fucking freak out. I tell Matt to stay at the blanket so when she comes back someone is there. I go off to look for her at the face painting and tatoo table. No Caitlyn. I walk around the carnival once. No Caitlyn. Now, I am about to panic, but I stop and think of what I need to do before I lose control.
I see another little girl's father who knows me and Cate. And I ask him if he has seen her. He said no and immediately said that he would start looking. I also ask him to tell the other parents that I can't find her. Matt said he would start looking inside the school as the doors were open and the kids were allowed to go in and out.
Now is when I am about to lose control. All I can think is that these few hundred kids out on this playground is heaven for some sicko. But I refrain from panicking as I know that I can't do that if I am going to find this child quickly....and because I don't want to look like a complete ass in front of the entire school.
I go to the DJ and tell him that he needs to announce that Caitlyn should go to the swings. He tells me he will when the song is over. Yeah, that's not going to work for me but thanks for playing. So I tell him that she is only 4 years old and I can't find her that he needs to stop the song and do it now. He looked at me like I was crazy, but only for a brief moment. I think the tip off for him had something to do with the fact that my hands were clenched into fists?
So he makes the announcement. I look around for a couple more seconds then realize that I should probably go over to the swings in case she heard the announcement and heads over there.
Lo and behold. I go to the swings and there is my girl. Smiling at me cause she is excited that they said her name on the microphone. I quickly scoop her up and bathe her with kisses. And my heart finally stops pounding and I no longer feel the urge to cry hysterically. Turns out she was in the jungle gym and I couldn't see her in there. And of course, I realized later that it didn't occur to me to actually look in there in the first place.
Then I walk around so that I can let all of the people know that I have located her that were looking for her. I must say though, that the other parents were all over that shit with me and were scouring the playground looking for her. Which really made me feel good when it was over with.
Amazing how long those few minutes felt for me though. And I really hope that I never have to relive those few minutes ever again.
Here's the scenario....
We were at the school picnic today and having a ball. They had Jumping Jacks and games and food. All in all it was a really nice set up that they put on. Matt and I were sitting with a couple of other parents on some blankets. Caitlyn was running back and forth to the games with some of her little friends. She was typically gone about 5 or less minutes each time. And everytime, I was able to see where she was at. Except for this one time.
She and Alexis were going to get face painting done and tatoos. Fine by me, I will see you in a few minutes. Just as we had been doing. I turned around to put some stuff back in our backpack or something. When I looked up, I couldn't see her and Alexis anymore. Now, I didn't freak out right away. I figured they were at the table getting painted on. So I told Matt, I was going to go over to the table to see her. I stood up to leave, and Alexis comes running back to the blanket.....WITHOUT Caitlyn. Now, I fucking freak out. I tell Matt to stay at the blanket so when she comes back someone is there. I go off to look for her at the face painting and tatoo table. No Caitlyn. I walk around the carnival once. No Caitlyn. Now, I am about to panic, but I stop and think of what I need to do before I lose control.
I see another little girl's father who knows me and Cate. And I ask him if he has seen her. He said no and immediately said that he would start looking. I also ask him to tell the other parents that I can't find her. Matt said he would start looking inside the school as the doors were open and the kids were allowed to go in and out.
Now is when I am about to lose control. All I can think is that these few hundred kids out on this playground is heaven for some sicko. But I refrain from panicking as I know that I can't do that if I am going to find this child quickly....and because I don't want to look like a complete ass in front of the entire school.
I go to the DJ and tell him that he needs to announce that Caitlyn should go to the swings. He tells me he will when the song is over. Yeah, that's not going to work for me but thanks for playing. So I tell him that she is only 4 years old and I can't find her that he needs to stop the song and do it now. He looked at me like I was crazy, but only for a brief moment. I think the tip off for him had something to do with the fact that my hands were clenched into fists?
So he makes the announcement. I look around for a couple more seconds then realize that I should probably go over to the swings in case she heard the announcement and heads over there.
Lo and behold. I go to the swings and there is my girl. Smiling at me cause she is excited that they said her name on the microphone. I quickly scoop her up and bathe her with kisses. And my heart finally stops pounding and I no longer feel the urge to cry hysterically. Turns out she was in the jungle gym and I couldn't see her in there. And of course, I realized later that it didn't occur to me to actually look in there in the first place.
Then I walk around so that I can let all of the people know that I have located her that were looking for her. I must say though, that the other parents were all over that shit with me and were scouring the playground looking for her. Which really made me feel good when it was over with.
Amazing how long those few minutes felt for me though. And I really hope that I never have to relive those few minutes ever again.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
That's all she wrote
I am now officially considering the school year finished. I have run around all morning picking up equipment from 4 different schools. We are completely moved upstairs. Most of my boxes are unpacked. Now all I need to do is take inventory of all the equipment that we have in our library and I will be on summer vacation. Of course, I can't do inventory until I hook the computer up that the inventory software is on....but that is waiting until Monday.
Tomorrow is Caitlyn's school picnic and she is so very thrilled that both her mom and her dad are going with her. I was a little peeved about this whole picnic deal, but I am picking and choosing my battles. Turns out the kids can't attend unless they are accompanied by an adult. Which I can completely understand. However, on the calender, it is officially a school day, not a day off. So technically speaking, I should be allowed to take my child to school and leave her there as is the custom every other morning. But I won't argue. If anything, I am getting to take a day off work to hang out with my girlie and the husband. So it can't be all bad right?
Currently, Caitlyn is counting down the days to summer vacation with me....as well as the days to her birthday. Holy smoke this kid is going to be 5!!!! I am starting to get all weepy when I think about it now. And not for the reasons that I used to get all weepy. I used to think about how tragically her life began and how far she has come. Now I get all weepy because she is getting so big. And it seems like it is happening all so fast all of the sudden. This kid's first 2 years dragged ass. More than likely it was because she was in the infant stage for soooooo long having to catch up with everything. Once 2 hit, this child went into fast forward. And now when I hold her, I think of when she was little enough for her whole body to fit on my torso, or when she was little enough for me to carry around like a sack of potatoes. Not so much anymore.
The other day at my mom's house, she was all snuggly with Matt and giving him all kinds of loving. She couldn't get enough of his kisses and couldn't seem to get close enough to him. He was all smiley, naturally. I told him that he needs to hang on to this as soon enough this kid won't want him coming near her to even kiss her on the cheek.
Ahhh, waffling. Okay, off to find something to complete here at work. Maybe I will hook the computer up after all so that I don't feel as though I am doing nothing. Though that can't be all bad can it??
Tomorrow is Caitlyn's school picnic and she is so very thrilled that both her mom and her dad are going with her. I was a little peeved about this whole picnic deal, but I am picking and choosing my battles. Turns out the kids can't attend unless they are accompanied by an adult. Which I can completely understand. However, on the calender, it is officially a school day, not a day off. So technically speaking, I should be allowed to take my child to school and leave her there as is the custom every other morning. But I won't argue. If anything, I am getting to take a day off work to hang out with my girlie and the husband. So it can't be all bad right?
Currently, Caitlyn is counting down the days to summer vacation with me....as well as the days to her birthday. Holy smoke this kid is going to be 5!!!! I am starting to get all weepy when I think about it now. And not for the reasons that I used to get all weepy. I used to think about how tragically her life began and how far she has come. Now I get all weepy because she is getting so big. And it seems like it is happening all so fast all of the sudden. This kid's first 2 years dragged ass. More than likely it was because she was in the infant stage for soooooo long having to catch up with everything. Once 2 hit, this child went into fast forward. And now when I hold her, I think of when she was little enough for her whole body to fit on my torso, or when she was little enough for me to carry around like a sack of potatoes. Not so much anymore.
The other day at my mom's house, she was all snuggly with Matt and giving him all kinds of loving. She couldn't get enough of his kisses and couldn't seem to get close enough to him. He was all smiley, naturally. I told him that he needs to hang on to this as soon enough this kid won't want him coming near her to even kiss her on the cheek.
Ahhh, waffling. Okay, off to find something to complete here at work. Maybe I will hook the computer up after all so that I don't feel as though I am doing nothing. Though that can't be all bad can it??
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
The Antichrist Part II
So I had the second meeting today that I thought was sure to be a complete nightmare because of The Antichrist, aka the Advocate. So all damn day I willed my child to fall on the playground at school and break an arm so I wouldn't have to go to this damn meeting. No such luck obviously, as this post is not called "Caitlyn Broke her Arm." So I go to the meeting, reluctantly, with the Assistive Tech Coordinator in tow. Because I was NOT going to be slandered by this woman. The whole point of this meeting was that it was called because the mom did not feel as though her son's AT needs were being met. And I figured if the Antichrist got word of that, then she was sure to be all over my ass. So I figured I would bring some back up.
Meeting starts, mom, dad, special ed coordinator, teacher, resource teacher, AT coordinator, and myself sit down. NO ADVOCATE! Turns out, the parents can't afford her anymore as they are paying for their son to get outside tutoring of sorts. Thank God in heaven!!!! And to be perfectly honest, the family is better off without her.
And needless to say, I feel like a jerk for willing my girl to break her arm....even though it didn't pan out that way :P
Meeting starts, mom, dad, special ed coordinator, teacher, resource teacher, AT coordinator, and myself sit down. NO ADVOCATE! Turns out, the parents can't afford her anymore as they are paying for their son to get outside tutoring of sorts. Thank God in heaven!!!! And to be perfectly honest, the family is better off without her.
And needless to say, I feel like a jerk for willing my girl to break her arm....even though it didn't pan out that way :P
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