Monday, January 30, 2006

The interent is a funny thing

As is the world of blogging. The written word versus the spoken word can be two entirely different things, and have two completely different meanings. I don't frequent that many blogs. Most of the ones that I go to visit are people that have had preemies like myself, or ones that I have stumbled upon that peak my interest. I also don't have the time to view all of the blogs that I possibly could. There's just not enough time in my day for that, something to do with work, child, husband, etc.

So I visit a blog, I won't mention the name of it, I am sure you can figure out which one it is, and I leave a comment here and there when the topic tickles my fancy. I left a comment the other day that has generated significant amounts of traffic to my own little corner of the internet here. The comment that I made seems to have gotten some panties in a bunch. When I wrote the comment, I really had no intention of upsetting the masses, really only gave my opinion on a touchy subject. And POW!!!! I am being quoted on a few other blogs, by bloggers that also visit this particular blog.

I find it humorous that my one little sentence has been so horribly misconstrued and I am now an unfeeling bitch. Which, yeah I can be, but it's not the norm for me. Though there are a few other bloggers that have made comments to say that my own comment wasn't so horrible.

I think what irks me the most about it, is that for those I have upset, it is because I don't hold the same view as them. Yet I am quoted and called closed minded, ignorant, etc. All because my opinion differs vastly from theirs. Why is it horrible that I have a different opinion and am not afraid to state that opinion? Got me. Either or, my opinion is still the same on the subject and more than likely will not be changing any time in the near future.

On a lighter note, the mail from Barney that I previously mentioned....the plot has thickened. My cousin who used to own the video with the 1 800 number called the other day to talk to Caitlyn and pretend that she was Barney. (We tried calling the number on the video, and after 10 years or so, it is no longer in existence.) We figured that a call from Barney would be even better than a letter. Right???

Couldn't have been more wrong!!!

Not only is she wanting to call him every damn day now, but she thinks that because he called her, he is in fact going to be bringing a letter to her house ASAP. So, in true Nancy fashion, I have scoured the internet looking for a letter or something of the likes that can come from the purple dinosaur himself. With no such luck. So I contacted the Gods that control Barney's website. Only to be told that the fan club is no longer in existence. Which really sucks for me. Why on earth isn't it around anymore?? There are still kids that watch the damn dinosaur.

So now I have to do what I was trying to avoid. I am going to have to create a letter and mail it to her myself. I wanted to avoid doing this, don't ask me why. I just know that it would have been so much easier to find a website, enter all the pertinent information into the little fields provided, give a debit card number, and be on my way.

If anyone knows of a Barney website, or has been in touch with the purple dinosaur as of recently, please let me know so that he can write my kid a letter and we can resume to normal activities in this house.


Anonymous said...

Hey stupid, ignorant, bigoted bitch - the word is "internet" - not "interent". If you're not going to change your ignorant, small minded view, than at least change the typo in the heading of your post.

An adoptive mother who couldn't possibly love my children as much as you love your biological child. News flash bitch - biology doesn't make a family - love does.

Nancy said...

Wow! That's a horribly intelligent comment is it not? Do using words like that make a family as well?

Nancy said...

Oh and I forgot to thank you for pointing out my typo. So thanks. I'll get right on fixing that for ya.

Andi said...

I can't believe how people get nasty and defenseful Nancy I am sorry! GO figure someone has to find something bad about something! What a negative attitude! I am sorry your getting slandered! What is this anonymous stuff? That is SO petty and shows true colors that they are too afraid to stand by their words with thier name LOL!!!

Kari said...

Wow! Wish you could find out the anonymous person to point out their mistakes.

If you choose not to adopt for whatever reasons that is your opinion. Unfortunately there are those who adopt only to find out that it isnt what they expected.

Having said that, my good friend has adopted 2 wonderful children who can be trying as all children but she loves them dearly!

Anonymous said...


"I have a dear friend who has adopted 2 children, within 1 1/2 years of each other. She tells me all the time that her 'motherly instinct' kicked in with them the minute she held them. And being the wonderful friend that I am, I told her of course it did, they're your children. When in my head, I was thinking how could this woman possibly know what a motherly instinct really is when she has never had a child??? Evil bitch that I am.
Eh...point is, I can't bring myself to adopt a child. Not after having one of my own. I can not at this point convince myself that I could love a child that wasn't 'of' me. Nancy"



alaina said...

wow, I'm so sorry - I'm Steph's sis in law, and I was curious as to what was going on here - I'm just so sorry there are being hateful words thrown in your direction. Anonymous - it's called an opinion - and well, let it go. You are just coming across as hateful and petty. Let it go.

Nancy said...

See the thing is, it is my opinion, and I own it. I have no problem saying it. People who are coming here to tell me how wrong MY opinion is, little hypocritical if you ask me. But they can be so hypocritical because they have their anonymity to hide behind. Unfortunately, they are not capable of having an adult conversation about an extremely touchy subject without just throwing out insults.

They are so worried about my decision not to adopt it's amazing to me. Though, if they have adopted, I wonder if the biological parents of the children they've adopted realize just how closed minded they are (as they have accused me of being)???? Good thing they are raising their children (if they have children) to be respectful of others opinions.

Nancy said...

Oh and to the second anon commenter, if you are going to quote me, please include the entire comment that I made. You have failed to leave out other very important parts of that comment as well as other comments that I have made to further clarify my stance on this.

Oh but wait, you can't do that can you??? Cause then it might just validate my point. Oh wiat, shit I forgot. I don't have to validate my own opinions to anyone. Silly me.

Kari said...

Arent we all free to have an opinion. Just because you dont have the same opinion as I do doesnt mean you can persecute me! This is America after all!

And by the way Anonymous could you spell my name right! KKelly

Anonymous said...

"My husband and I had this exact discussion the other night. You see, after having Caitlyn at 25 weeks, for pre e and hellp, and then having 2 miscarriages, (the most recent being this past december) we figured we would kick around the pros and cons of adoption. Because basically, with 3 strikes against me at this point, I am not sure that I am willing to beat my body and psyche up anymore. Not to mention growing another set of testes to tell HELLP that I am going to stare it down one more time.

My biggest con was similar to that of yours, but with a slight twist. Having a biological child of my own, I fear that I would not have that same bond with "someone else's child." Now I know, that child will be "mine." But will I really feel that it is? I can't answer that. So in my eyes it is in no way fair to tell a mother who is putting her child up for adoption that I will be the best parent for that child, when I can't even convince myself at this point.

I have a dear friend who has adopted 2 children, within 1 1/2 years of each other. She tells me all the time that her "motherly instinct" kicked in with them the minute she held them. And being the wonderful friend that I am, I told her of course it did, they're your children. When in my head, I was thinking how could this woman possibly know what a motherly instinct really is when she has never had a child?? Evil bitch that I am.

Eh...point is, I can't bring myself to adopt a child. Not after having one of my own. I can not at this point convince myself that I could love a child that wasn't "of" me."

The thing that made me see red about this was your condecending tone to your friend. You told her "of course it did" when you really don't see your friend as a mother. In fact, the way it looks to me is that you see yourself as a far better mother because your child came from your womb. THAT is what is making people upset.

Hey, if you can't convince yourself you could love a kid that didn't come from you, fine. I'm sorry that you don't feel you can love your husband...because he's not of you. I'm sorry you don't feel you have any friends that are like siblings to you--because of course since they are not of you you can't love them. It is your world that is poorer, and I feel very very sorry for you.

If you don't want to adopt, by all means don't. But don't think that the tears that we dry are less salty. The nights we stay up with our babies are just as long as the nights you stay up with yours. We pray for our children's health just like you do. We patch up the scraped knees and will try to fix the broken hearts... I think our motherly instinct will work just fine.

Nancy said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Nancy said...

I never said that I didn't see her as a Mother. I said that I couldn't understand how she could spontaneously have that motherly instinct with her child. Hell I gave birth to mine and didn't feel it for a while. Nor did I state or insinuate that I was a better mother because my child came from my womb. These are all things that have been insinuated and extrapolated from my comment. You read them and took from them what you wanted, not what was intended. And again in a later comment, I stated that I had the discussion with my friend about my feeling this way, but that comment of mine, you haven't copied here. Did you read that one?

The love that I have for my husband is different from the love that I have for my child. The love that I have for my friends is different than the love that I feel for my brother. Still even, different from the love that I have for my child. Because I did not give birth to my friends or my siblings in no way means that I do not love them. In my comment, I was pertaining to the love I would feel for an adopted child, not other members of my family or my friends. It was in reference to something very specific, not global. Again, you have taken from my comment what suited your need to see red and lash out.

My world is not poorer because of how I feel, nor because of how I love the people in my family and my friends. Matter of fact, I am pretty damn sure that my wor;d is enriched by all of them. And I love them all. Regardless of not having birthed them. I love them all differently. So please, there is no need to feel sorry for me. Simply because I choose not to enrich my life by adopting a child or choosing a path that you have chosen.

I also stated in another comment, that I didn't comment in order to have people demonstrate their love for their children to me. Same goes for demonstrating motherly instinct.

But the fact remains, that I have made a comment that appearently so many people vehemently oppose and they have lasahed out at me beacuse of it. That's tolerance at it's finest if I do say so myself. I can't remember commenting anywhere that women who are adopting are stupid, ignorant, bigoted, and an enemy, passive aggressive to women who have babies, rude, damn the list goes on and on. Yet, these are all things that have been said about me.

Anonymous said...

Why didn't you tell your "dear"
friend what you were really thinking. If you can't be honest
with your "friends", what kind of
friendship is it?

Nancy said...

Um last anon you not read?? I have said here as well as in my comments on other blogs that I DID in fact have the conversation with my dear friend about what my thoughts were. Before you attempt to be witty and snarky at the same time, please have all of the facts in front of you. Because frankly I am getting a little tired of having to constantly repeat myself of some of these facts.

And for the record, in case anyone wants to know, she and I are still very dear friends to this day. Despite what my feelings were. She helped me to understand that what I was feeling was perfectly normal, matter of fact (careful now this might surprise some of you) there was another member in her very own family that asked the same thing. The shock and horror of it all, I know. That we actually have human feelings and emotions and can express them.

I have thought about this some today during my down time at work and I have come to believe that part of the reason some people are so horrified with my comment is because they realize how not out of the ordinary it is. Only difference is, I have no fear in stating it. I am pretty sure that I am not the only person on the planet that has had the thought of bonding and love cross their mind when considering adoption. I know I am not the only one because I have had this conversation with others, including my friend that adopted children. So I am thinking that what irks people is that they are so shocked that I actually have the balls to say it, and stand behind it.

andi said...

I find it very humorus that someone continues to do an arguement anonymous! What a loser. Too much time on your hands? Why that's very aparent. I don't comment much but I can honestly say this is rediculous, pointless, and just some lame excuse to be an ass. Get a life already?

Anonymous said...

rediculous indeed.

worry woman said...

Goodness, LOOK at what I missed!!! How the Heck did this even get started? Nevermind, I don't want to know do I?
You go on with your bad self Nancy!

P.S. I didn't feel that "instant" connection with Maxine freaked me out that I didn't and I thought that there was something wrong with me...I felt it when the "sperm donor" lit up a cigarette in the bedroom when she was 4 weeks old and I backhanded him...then he ripped my glasses off of my face and grabbed my neck and said to me that I was "lucky I was holding THAT baby." Yeah, it took a few more beatings for me to get the hell out-because I then had an old friend help me! But, THAT is the day I felt REALLY connected to her.