...that since I was on Christmas break, that I would have been able to get some pictures up here and some updates right? Not so much. Not even a little bit. My intentions were good. I had planned on making an elaborate post about Christmas and New Year's and even including a fancy little slide show. and suddenly here we are on January 9th. With no elaborate post or slideshow to speak of. I could bore you with all the gory details of Caitlyn opening up the hundreds of presents that she got on Christmas morning, or how long it has taken me to take down the decorations (yeah, the tree is bare and everything is put away, yet it continues to stand in my living room naked). Or I could go on and on about playing Guitar Hero on New Year's Eve and consuming far too much Watermelon Vodka and Sprite (which I might add really tastes like a Jolly Rancher).
But, alas, I will not do any of those things. I will, however, complain about the weather here in Chicago. I am sick of snow. REally, I am. Winter is usually my favorite season. I love cold weather. There is nothing better than walking outside and feeling the snot inside your nose freeze. But all this damn snow, I could do without it. And it's not so much the snow that bothers me. It's the fact that people who have lived in Chicago for all of their natural born lives suddenly forget how to drive in it. Seriously. Either they have forgotten or every damn person on the road this morning just moved here from California. I can think of no other reason for the person in front of me to be driving 7 (SEVEN!) miles per hour on a plowed street that has nothing but slush on it. The temperature is high enough that the slush is not freezing. Essentially, it is nothing more than rain. So why does this driver feel the need to drive slower than most people ride bikes? We will refer to him as Slow Driving Asshole for the duration of this post/complaint.
In addition to Slow Driving Asshole, we have the people who think that it is a good idea to slam their foot on their gas pedal as soon as the light turns green. (We will refer to him and his friends as Gas Pedal Asshole). Do you know what this results in? It results in their car fish tailing, which causes their car to suddenly be perpendicular to the cars around them. This then results in the other cars slamming their foot on the gas pedal. You know what happens then? Their cars also fish tail and.....you see the pattern right? Inevitably, the light changes from green, to yellow, to red. And I have not moved. Instead, I am sitting behind Slow Driving Asshole as well as Gas Pedal Asshole. And not just for one light. For two.
And finally, I would like to introduce you to the funeral director who decided that it would be a good time to begin a funeral procession onto Skokie Blvd t approximately 8ish in the morning. And it was for a city worker to boot, which meant no less than 100 cars. Under normal circumstances, I have the utmost respect from any funeral procession. But when you are foolish enough to think that pulling out 100 cars onto one of the busiest streets in the area, during rush hour, with Slow Driving Asshole and Gas Pedal Asshole on the road was a good idea, then my respect for you has dwindled. Just a little bit. In the future, Funeral Director, could you please wait until at least 9:00 to begin your procession? It really would have helped my day start off a little better.
All that pissing and moaning aside, I can't believe the amount of snow that we have managed to get this year. Let's just hope that it's enough to help out my lawn and the portions of new sod that were dying towards the end of last summer. Because if I have to replace that, there is a good possibility that I will remove all of the grass and replace it with something fancy....like mulch.