I was browsing posts today that I have never published for one reason or another. Mostly because they weren't finished. I came across this one (typed out June 15, 2006)and I am stunned that I didn't publish it. Stunned mostly because I love nothing more than talking about my girlie and how amazing she is. But more stunned because rereading it now...wow, I still feel every single one of those emotions that I felt as I was going through the experience. Yes, with time you don't think of them nearly as often. But it amazes me how raw you can feel when you revisit it even 6 years later.
It seems that this was to be a follow up of this post
I know when I was typing it out that I wanted it to be about the first 3 1/2 months of her life, the time she spent in the NICU. I remember now thinking how long it was going to end up being. Maybe that was why I stopped. Or maybe it's because I was crying....just as I am now sitting here reading it again.
I didn't get to see you at all on the day you were born. Unfortunately I was too sick. So I was on a lot of medication. There are a few things I remember about that day, but most of my memories are from the day after you were born.
In the recovery room....
The nurse asking for my finger prints to put on your birth certificate. She also showed me your foot prints and I couldn't believe how very tiny they were. And she made the comment "Look Mom these are your daughter's footprints!"
The 2 young girls who were giving me the mesh underwear to put on and they called them a Victoria's Secret special LOL
My mom lifting my hair above my head like she had done for so many years when I lived with her every night when she came home from work.
In the post partum room....
My face itching so badly from the morphine.
Being thirstier than I have ever been before in my life.
Having an orange popsicle and being upset that it wasn't red.
Kim coming to visit me and helping me drink water even though I wasn't supposed to...and then her holding the bucket cause I thought I was going to throw up from drinking the water I wasn't supposed to.
Having conversations and saying things to Matt that made absolutely no sense at all.
Hearing women in the rooms around me celebrating giving birth.
Being moved to the post partum wing in the middle of the night and the woman who transferred us to that room handing me books and videos on how to care for my baby when we got you home. (She wasn't informed of the situation)
Waking up the next morning with gas pains and thinking that it was you moving inside of me and that they figured out a way to keep me pregnant. Then realizing that the last 48 hours were in fact very true and now very real.
Hearing the babies from the nursery being wheeled down the hall to their moms rooms to be fed and waking Matt up telling him that I needed him and telling him that I have never been so sad in my life.
Not wanting to go down to the NICU to see you.
Hating myself for not wanting to go down to see you.
Asking Matt constantly if I was going to be shocked when I finally did agree to go down to see you.
Reading and rereading the rules and guidelines about what hours I was not allowed in the NICU and what I could and couldn't wear in there.
The physician's assistant that came in and basically demanded that I get out of bed to prove I could walk so that I could go down to see you.
That same PA who helped me clean myself up and listened to my complaints about the night nurses from the previous shift and how they wouldn't help me clean myself or get me anything to do it myself.
Thinking that when the time came to come to the NICU to see you after we left the hospital that I would never be able to find my way thru the maze of hallways. (by the time you were discharged I probably could have found my way there blindfolded)
The signs showing us how to scrub above the sinks and the brochures on the rack next to the sink.
The smell of aquaphor being heated by radiant warmers.
How incredibly tiny you were, yet you were perfectly formed.
The bruises that covered your back from your rushed delivery.
The incredible number of tubes that were sticking out of every possible place in your tiny body.
Mary (the nurse who did your intake) telling me that she would open the cellophane so that I could touch you.
Telling Mary that I didn't want to disturb you. When in actuality I didn't want to touch you because I was so very afraid to become attached to a child that could quite possibly die.
The number of people that came to visit both of us in the hospital and every single one of them were taken to the NICU to see you. Daddy was terrified, but so damn proud of you.
The only person who gave me a balloon congratulating me on having a daughter was Auntie Gina. Everyone else brought flowers....and loads of them.
The doctor from Nigeria that told me I should be thankful that you were born in the United Stated cause in her country you would not have survived, as she removed the staples from my incision.
Leaving the hospital in a wheelchair without what I came in with.
Getting home and finding all of the clothes and things that I had gotten for you so far put away so as not to upset me.
Driving to the hospital for 106 days, some days more than once to visit you.
Getting to the parking garage and not being able to find a spot fast enough so that I could get to you quicker.
The smell of the stairwell between the garage and the hospital. When I go now to visit someone there, the smell still knocks me on my ass and puts me back to that time.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
Cowgirl Caitlyn
All of the sudden, Caitlyn is all about being a cowgirl. I don't think she plans on getting out of this phase anytime soon. And who am I to complain really, cause man is she damn cute in the get up. I think my favorite part is the cowboy hat with the tiara attached to it!
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Wow!!
This was shown to us today at our inservice at school. Pretty amazing and mind boggling at the same time.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Gingivitis and a broken toe
That's what's happening in the world of the Walshes these days. Odd combination, I know. Caitlyn had the gingivitis and I broke my toe yesterday morning.
When we were on vacation, Caitlyn started to get her 6 year molars. At least I thought that was when it started. I decided that she needed to be seen by the dentist on Wednesday night when I was brushing her teeth and there was way more blood than I thought there should be. And it wasn't just her gums by the new molars bleeding, it was all around her mouth. When the dentist looked at her, she was so glad that I brought her in when I did. It would appear that I had every reason in the world to be concerned with what her mouth looked like.
Apparently, the molars, or the gums around her molars, started to hurt her about a month ago. Because of that, Caitlyn must not have been brushing very well. This caused a raging case of gingivitis in her mouth. My poor baby must have been aching for so long :( She ended up having a deep cleaning that day and returning this past Tuesday for a second one. We weren't sure if she was going to need a third, however, luckily, we nipped it in the bud at the right time. Mind you, Caitlyn had her last cleaning May 10th. In that short amount of time, things went completely crazy in her mouth. But we are back on track now and don't have to go back until her next scheduled cleaning in December. Or sooner if things get nuts again.
Now the broken toe....this is the second time this stupid toe of mine has broken. The first time was when I had shingles back in December of 2004. Fun times, fond memories :) I woke up for work yesterday and was a bit groggy. I have been aiding sleep with some benadryl because I have not needed to fall asleep at a decent hour in many weeks. SO I kind of stumbled as I got out of bed. Well, I guess I didn't kind of stumble, I really stumbled. Smacking my toe right on the leg of the suitcase that was sitting next to my bed that hasn't made it's way down to the basement. I thought I had just stubbed it and got in the shower. When I got out and was getting dressed I realized that it was still hurting. I looked down to find a swollen and starting to bruise toe. Fun!
This week is new teacher orientation at work and things are going well. It seems that in this district things are going to be in full swing right away. Which I think is a good thing. There is a lot to learn and figure out on my part. However, the girl who is there to help me has been truly wonderful and will be a fabulous asset to me all year. Fingers crossed I won't need to be counting down the days to Christmas break from the get go ;)
When we were on vacation, Caitlyn started to get her 6 year molars. At least I thought that was when it started. I decided that she needed to be seen by the dentist on Wednesday night when I was brushing her teeth and there was way more blood than I thought there should be. And it wasn't just her gums by the new molars bleeding, it was all around her mouth. When the dentist looked at her, she was so glad that I brought her in when I did. It would appear that I had every reason in the world to be concerned with what her mouth looked like.
Apparently, the molars, or the gums around her molars, started to hurt her about a month ago. Because of that, Caitlyn must not have been brushing very well. This caused a raging case of gingivitis in her mouth. My poor baby must have been aching for so long :( She ended up having a deep cleaning that day and returning this past Tuesday for a second one. We weren't sure if she was going to need a third, however, luckily, we nipped it in the bud at the right time. Mind you, Caitlyn had her last cleaning May 10th. In that short amount of time, things went completely crazy in her mouth. But we are back on track now and don't have to go back until her next scheduled cleaning in December. Or sooner if things get nuts again.
Now the broken toe....this is the second time this stupid toe of mine has broken. The first time was when I had shingles back in December of 2004. Fun times, fond memories :) I woke up for work yesterday and was a bit groggy. I have been aiding sleep with some benadryl because I have not needed to fall asleep at a decent hour in many weeks. SO I kind of stumbled as I got out of bed. Well, I guess I didn't kind of stumble, I really stumbled. Smacking my toe right on the leg of the suitcase that was sitting next to my bed that hasn't made it's way down to the basement. I thought I had just stubbed it and got in the shower. When I got out and was getting dressed I realized that it was still hurting. I looked down to find a swollen and starting to bruise toe. Fun!
This week is new teacher orientation at work and things are going well. It seems that in this district things are going to be in full swing right away. Which I think is a good thing. There is a lot to learn and figure out on my part. However, the girl who is there to help me has been truly wonderful and will be a fabulous asset to me all year. Fingers crossed I won't need to be counting down the days to Christmas break from the get go ;)
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Some pics of the trip
On the Disney Magical Express between the airport and the hotel.
On her way to breakfast with the princesses
A princess and her prince
Her very favorite princess of all time
Just being cute
A family shot
The birds from Nemo
Inside of Bruce's mouth
The duck that she loved to feed at Epcot
With the mouse himself
Running to give Minnie a hug
Getting ready to weather the storm (literally)
Seeing the castle for the first time
Spinning on the tea cup ride
The infamous Dumbo ride
Playing at Ariel's Grotto
With Ariel
Riding the carousel with Mary Poppins
My favorite picture of the castle
Dancing in the High School Musical Pep Rally
On her way to breakfast with the princesses
A princess and her prince
Her very favorite princess of all time
Just being cute
A family shot
The birds from Nemo
Inside of Bruce's mouth
The duck that she loved to feed at Epcot
With the mouse himself
Running to give Minnie a hug
Getting ready to weather the storm (literally)
Seeing the castle for the first time
Spinning on the tea cup ride
The infamous Dumbo ride
Playing at Ariel's Grotto
With Ariel
Riding the carousel with Mary Poppins
My favorite picture of the castle
Dancing in the High School Musical Pep Rally
Monday, August 06, 2007
The Happiest Place on Earth!
And that it certainly was!! Disney was awesome with Caitlyn. She is absolutely the perfect age for it. She truly believes that all of the princesses are real, though she knows that the characters are just people in costumes.
Tuesday morning we woke bright and early and all packed and ready to go. Of course, because we were at the airport with plenty of time (one of the pitfalls of being married to Matt), our flight was delayed. It was delayed because of a mechanical problem. So I guess I am grateful for the delay, otherwise we would have been flying in a broken plane. I can see several issues with that. Then when we arrived in Orlando, we had to sit on the runway because there was a terrible storm. The rain wasn't the cause for our sitting, but the lightening was. Apparently, they don't send the little cars out to pull the planes in when there is lightening. Learn something new every day. Needless to say, anything I had planned for our afternoon there was shot to hell.
Instead of going anywhere when we were finally able to check into the hotel, we decided to just peruse the hotel grounds. Which were absolutely fab! About 5 minutes into our walk, Caitlyn said she was really tired and started complaining that she missed home? Yes folks, she missed home. Naturally this threw up a red flag for me as she has been anticipating this trip for quite some time. So I decided to feel her armpit to see if she had a fever. And of course she did. Cause Caitlyn suffers from what we kindly refer to as "state line disease." The minute the child crosses the Illinois state line, she gets sick. So I ran to the gift shop and bought some Motrin. I didn't have a thermometer there, so I had to guestimate her temp. I would say it was around 100 or 101. Motrin given and sleep began. I was hopeful that she would be much better the next morning since that wass when we were scheduled to have breakfast with the princesses.
The following morning, she still had the fever. But we went to the breakfast anyway. Normally, I would keep her in bed. However, you have to schedule the silly thing at least 3 months in advance. So we wouldn't have been able to get another reservation for the time we were there. After getting there, she perked up some and had a good time chatting it up with the ladies.
After that, we continued to tour Epcot. We went on the space shuttle ride (the name escapes me right now) and it scared the piss out of my child. It was way too loud and too real looking and I think she really thought that damn shuttle was going to crash since that was what was being simulated. After that, she enjoyed all of the rest of the rides that we went on. Around dinner, we decided to head back to the hotel to enjoy the pool some. But in true Florida fashion, and Walsh luck, it poured down rain once we got back. Which wasn't too horrible since the damn fever was back. So it was Motrin and sleep for the girl again.
The following morning, it was raining something terrible. But my girl the trooper was willing to throw on a poncho and head to the Magic Kingdom. Since all she really wanted to see the entire trip were the princesses and the castle, she wasn't going to miss the opportunity. And she was amazing!! Despite the rain and thunder and uncomfortable poncho, this child went on every single ride she could and waited in every single line to meet every character she could. It finally stopped raining mid to late afternoon, so we could disrobe the ponchos. The most exciting thing that happened while we were there was when she got to ride on the carousel on a horse next to Mary Poppins. As we were walking on, I pointed her out to Cate and she came right up to her and asked if Caitlyn would like to ride with her. It was so great for Caitlyn. And they sat on their horses and chatted the entire ride.
We ended up being there 12 hours and surprisingly enough, she never needed a stroller there! I couldn't believe how much she walked and ran and never once complained about the weather or the walking. To try and ward off the fever, I gave her some Motrin before bed. It worked....a little. She still had a slight fever the next morning, but nothing too terrible.
On Friday, we finally had sun. And lots of it! It was hot and humid. And I must say, I think I preferred the rain as it cooled things down some and kept some of the crowds away from the parks. We headed to MGM studios so that we could see just a few things there. I knew there wouldn't be much there for her to enjoy, but the few things that were there, I knew she would absolutely love. She got to dance in the High School Musical Pep Rally, which made her day. She got to dance with the Playhouse Disney characters. And she got to eat lunch at Toy Story's Pizza Planet. For a 6 year old, these are rather exciting!! However, as we were eating lunch, she told me that her teeth were hurting her. Then the whole fever and crumminess became very clear to me. My poor girlie decided to get her 6 year molars this very week.
Not only were her gums killing her, but she had a very loose tooth in the front. The second of the 2 front teeth. So she couldn't bite into things, nor could she chew on anything in the back. So I was glad that I was giving her the Motrin as it was helping with the fever as well as the pain.
We weren't able to do much Saturday, except for touring the hotel grounds that we never got to earlier in the week, because the bus was taking up to the airport around noon. Caitlyn slept the entire plane ride home. And all she kept talking about in the cab from the airport was how happy she was to be home and how she couldn't wait to sleep in her own bed. I guess there really is no place like home even for a 6 year old!
So all in all a fantastic trip. And I came home to the best present my mom could ever give me. She paid her neighbor who is a cleaning lady to come and clean my house. I think the damn thing is cleaner than when we bought it. It was so wonderful to come home and have nothing to do but unpack and lounge around! My mom rocks!!!
Pictures to follow after I get them from the camera ;)
Tuesday morning we woke bright and early and all packed and ready to go. Of course, because we were at the airport with plenty of time (one of the pitfalls of being married to Matt), our flight was delayed. It was delayed because of a mechanical problem. So I guess I am grateful for the delay, otherwise we would have been flying in a broken plane. I can see several issues with that. Then when we arrived in Orlando, we had to sit on the runway because there was a terrible storm. The rain wasn't the cause for our sitting, but the lightening was. Apparently, they don't send the little cars out to pull the planes in when there is lightening. Learn something new every day. Needless to say, anything I had planned for our afternoon there was shot to hell.
Instead of going anywhere when we were finally able to check into the hotel, we decided to just peruse the hotel grounds. Which were absolutely fab! About 5 minutes into our walk, Caitlyn said she was really tired and started complaining that she missed home? Yes folks, she missed home. Naturally this threw up a red flag for me as she has been anticipating this trip for quite some time. So I decided to feel her armpit to see if she had a fever. And of course she did. Cause Caitlyn suffers from what we kindly refer to as "state line disease." The minute the child crosses the Illinois state line, she gets sick. So I ran to the gift shop and bought some Motrin. I didn't have a thermometer there, so I had to guestimate her temp. I would say it was around 100 or 101. Motrin given and sleep began. I was hopeful that she would be much better the next morning since that wass when we were scheduled to have breakfast with the princesses.
The following morning, she still had the fever. But we went to the breakfast anyway. Normally, I would keep her in bed. However, you have to schedule the silly thing at least 3 months in advance. So we wouldn't have been able to get another reservation for the time we were there. After getting there, she perked up some and had a good time chatting it up with the ladies.
After that, we continued to tour Epcot. We went on the space shuttle ride (the name escapes me right now) and it scared the piss out of my child. It was way too loud and too real looking and I think she really thought that damn shuttle was going to crash since that was what was being simulated. After that, she enjoyed all of the rest of the rides that we went on. Around dinner, we decided to head back to the hotel to enjoy the pool some. But in true Florida fashion, and Walsh luck, it poured down rain once we got back. Which wasn't too horrible since the damn fever was back. So it was Motrin and sleep for the girl again.
The following morning, it was raining something terrible. But my girl the trooper was willing to throw on a poncho and head to the Magic Kingdom. Since all she really wanted to see the entire trip were the princesses and the castle, she wasn't going to miss the opportunity. And she was amazing!! Despite the rain and thunder and uncomfortable poncho, this child went on every single ride she could and waited in every single line to meet every character she could. It finally stopped raining mid to late afternoon, so we could disrobe the ponchos. The most exciting thing that happened while we were there was when she got to ride on the carousel on a horse next to Mary Poppins. As we were walking on, I pointed her out to Cate and she came right up to her and asked if Caitlyn would like to ride with her. It was so great for Caitlyn. And they sat on their horses and chatted the entire ride.
We ended up being there 12 hours and surprisingly enough, she never needed a stroller there! I couldn't believe how much she walked and ran and never once complained about the weather or the walking. To try and ward off the fever, I gave her some Motrin before bed. It worked....a little. She still had a slight fever the next morning, but nothing too terrible.
On Friday, we finally had sun. And lots of it! It was hot and humid. And I must say, I think I preferred the rain as it cooled things down some and kept some of the crowds away from the parks. We headed to MGM studios so that we could see just a few things there. I knew there wouldn't be much there for her to enjoy, but the few things that were there, I knew she would absolutely love. She got to dance in the High School Musical Pep Rally, which made her day. She got to dance with the Playhouse Disney characters. And she got to eat lunch at Toy Story's Pizza Planet. For a 6 year old, these are rather exciting!! However, as we were eating lunch, she told me that her teeth were hurting her. Then the whole fever and crumminess became very clear to me. My poor girlie decided to get her 6 year molars this very week.
Not only were her gums killing her, but she had a very loose tooth in the front. The second of the 2 front teeth. So she couldn't bite into things, nor could she chew on anything in the back. So I was glad that I was giving her the Motrin as it was helping with the fever as well as the pain.
We weren't able to do much Saturday, except for touring the hotel grounds that we never got to earlier in the week, because the bus was taking up to the airport around noon. Caitlyn slept the entire plane ride home. And all she kept talking about in the cab from the airport was how happy she was to be home and how she couldn't wait to sleep in her own bed. I guess there really is no place like home even for a 6 year old!
So all in all a fantastic trip. And I came home to the best present my mom could ever give me. She paid her neighbor who is a cleaning lady to come and clean my house. I think the damn thing is cleaner than when we bought it. It was so wonderful to come home and have nothing to do but unpack and lounge around! My mom rocks!!!
Pictures to follow after I get them from the camera ;)
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