The Culprit

The reason I am not a good blogger anymore:

Facebook.

It is so much easier to just type out one or two sentences and let people know what's going on in your life. Easier than typing out a narrative. So to catch you up (all 4 of you that read this) I have compiled a random sampling of my facebook statuses since my last post. It pretty much sums up what has been going on in our lives.

June 20

10 years ago today, Matt and I were about to embark on a terrifying 106 day journey. We had no idea just how amazing that journey would be!

June 21

I have one very excited little girl reading a new book on her new Kindle.

I can't complain about all this rain...saves me from having to keep moving the sprinkler on the new sod!

June 22

A remake of Footloose??? Really!!!

Clean house. Full belly. Good Will Hunting on tv. Breeze coming through the windows. Me lounging on the couch. I love summer break.

June 24

Getting everything ready for the sleepover!!

June 25

‎*YAWN*

June 26

12 years ago I married the greatest guy in the world. Happy anniversary Matt! I love you!

June 27

Caitlyn has her first black eye. That's what happens when you run through a sprinkler and hit your friends head with your face.

June 29

I hate you insomnia. That is all.

While packing for the lake, Caitlyn says:
"Sometimes I think we take moms for granted."
From the mouths of babes!!

June 30

Waupaca bound...

July 7

Making our way home from the lake. I have one worn out little girl on my hands. That's what happens when you swim from sun up till sun down I guess!

July 9

Getting my girl ready for her Girl Scout camping trip! I think I'm going to miss her more than she will miss me!

July 10

Driving my girl to camp :/

July 12

Having a "mole" (by the name of Michelle Tatela aka Nurse) has eased my separation anxiety tremendously!! I am the lucky mom getting updates on activities, photos, and even a video of my kid doing the Macarena periodically.

July 14

Oy Vey!!! I certainly have my work cut out for me here :/

July 15

Had a wonderful sleep last night. Now, work for the day and then....I get to see my girl!!!!!

July 19

It's DynaVox, not DynaBox. It's the little things that have a tendency to push me right over the edge!

July 20

It's gonna be a hot one today folks!!

July 24

Was going to cook dinner, then decided against it. Going to Chipotle instead.....mmmmmmmm

July 25

After watching the news this morning, it doesn't look like I'll be turning my AC off this week either :/

July 26

Listening to Cait talk to the dentist cracks me up!! The conversations she has when she doesn't know I'm listening LOL

No cavities for Caitlyn! Love hearing that from the dentist (mainly cause it just saves me money). Aaaaaand....she may not need braces afterall; maybe just a tray or a retainer. Will know for sure after the next visit in January!

July 27

Caitlyn just asked me if we could watch a Lifetime movie and take a nap in my bed. Man I love my kid!

July29

Think I have an ear infection :/

July 30

I love that Caitlyn still asks me to read to her before she goes to bed. Tonight's book of choice was 'Don't Let the Pigeon Stay Up Late' by Mo Willems.

I'm Slipping Again

I know I said I would be better at generating updates and fun posts. But life gets in the way and things get crazy and all of the sudden, I am a month behind again. However, busy is good! I think about all of the things that I imagined being a parent would be like. And to be honest, 90% has been true. I love that Caitlyn is involved in so many extra curriculars. I love that I have to have a calender in hand when someone asks me what we are doing this weekend. And I love that I get to watch her enjoy ALL of it!

Caitlyn seems to be testing the waters when it comes to activities to determine what it is that she likes. And in order to determine that, she has joined all sorts of things. She is in her third year of girl scouts, and probably enjoys that the most. She looks forward to every meeting and trip and is constantly looking for ways to earn new badges when we are home. She is also enrolled in Hip Hop again this year. The park district has a new instructor and he is, in a word, AMAZING! He has gotten these girls to do things the instructors in the past have not been able to do. She has mentioned her desire to return to ballet though. And personally, I think that is probably the better choice for her abilities and body type. Whichever she decides to continue with in the fall, I am fine with though. She also signed up for softball this spring. She has attended 2 clinics and absolutely loves it. If you know my child, you know she is a "girly-girl." So I fully expected her to shy away from the ball or complain when she gets hit with it. To my surprise (and this kid always surprises me), she runs full speed ahead for the ball when it comes at her and barely flinches if she gets hit with it. (Yes, she has already gotten hit in the face with it and kept right on going.) She has also signed up for the knitting class that the school is offering once a week. I don't know where this came from, but she has always loved "creating" things. Hopefully she will enjoy this. And very soon, cheerleading registration is coming up and she has expressed an interest in that as well.

All of that on top of school work, and busy parents, and it's no wonder we don't have a minute in our day to spare. But like I said, I wouldn't change a minute of it. There were so many times from her birth to toddlerhood, to just a couple of years ago that we didn't know what the future would hold for her. To say that we question it anymore would be a gross misrepresentation of what actually happens. I don't doubt that she will be able to do anything that she attempts. Or at least decide whether or not she wants to pursue her interests.

Every so often, when she is riding her bike, or picking up another Harry Potter to read (she is now on Book 5), I look at her and think, "My God! You don't even realize just how far you have come and the odds that were stacked against you!!!" And then I take a moment just to be thankful for being able to witness that miracle and be part of it. When I think about all this kid has been through in her short little life, I am in complete awe of her will and strength. She is such an amazing kiddo. She has an incredible sense of humor, has just a touch of sarcasm, and is as smart (if not smarter) than most kids I know, and has a heart of gold!!

OK, enough of the sappiness, will save that for her birthday post ;)

I have finally finished my classes. Well, at least those that I have to actually be in class for. I am currently doing a narrative research project as my last course for graduate school. It is easy going, and because it is narrative research, it is not anywhere near as intense as qualitative research. Which gives me some freedom with the final product. I was really worried about what this last quarter would look like and now I am so relieved. There is light at the end of the tunnel; in just over a month I will be completely finished. For how long? Who knows. There may be some opportunities on the horizon which I will mention later on. Suffice it to say, it is something that I would love to do and I think it would really "round out" my career.

On the work front, things are starting to slow down now, which is nice. We are approaching the point in the year where people just don't want me coming in and changing things up. There are only 40ish days of school left and summer can't get here fast enough! I am starting to think about our trips to the lake and all of the other fun things that summer brings.

Until next time......

25 Random Things About Me

This has been floating around facebook and I enjoyed doing it. I saw that Kari posted it to her blog, so I copied and figured I would do the same.


1. I am only doing this because I keep getting tagged and I think I have to complete it in order to stop the tagging madness.

2. I once lived in a residential school for the blind, with fantastic girls I might add. It was one of the craziest times of my life.

3. I sleep on my stomach, with my arms at my side. If I sleep in any other position, I wake up miserable.

4. I am a night owl by nature. I loathe waking up in the wee hours of the morning, but if I am awake until those same hours, I am happy as a clam.

5. I have a tendency to cry at the simplest things that Caitlyn does. It seems every time I see her accomplish something the doctors said she never would, I get teary eyed and a lump in my throat.

6. I am married to the most amazing man in the world.

7. Matt has the most incredible work ethic I have ever seen in a person.

8. I learned quickly that I am not immortal in the 10 hours prior to Caitlyn's birth.

9. I have the best set of friends from college that a girl could ever ask for. When I am with them, I laugh harder than I ever have.

10. My mom is quite possibly the most caring person on the planet. She has a deep seeded desire to take care of everyone around her, sometimes to her own detriment, but it makes her the incredible person that she is.

11. Two and a half years ago, I came to the conclusion that God mean for me to be only Caitlyn's mom. Now that I understand that, I am truly at peace with the cards that I was dealt in the child bearing arena.

12. My job is exhausting. Even though it is exhausting, and sometimes the rewards of it are hard to identify, when I do see the rewards, they are amazing. There is nothing like seeing a child do something independently for the first time in their life.

13. I never really believed that old saying about a mom feeling her heart burst with love until I brought my fragile girlie home from the hospital and watched her sleep peacefully. I came to realize that the feeling is one that can not be described in any words.

14. Despite hating my brother for the first 18 years of my life, I now realize that I love him with all of my heart and that we are more alike than I think even he realizes.

15. I miss my grandma and grandpa every day.

16. When Caitlyn was born, I learned that the strength of a person's spirit, no matter how small, is far more strong than any doctor or medical procedure.

17. I find myself criticizing other parent's style of parenting far too often. Matt often tells me that it must be hard to be as perfect a parent as I am. I need to be more understanding of individual differences in how people raise their children.

18. I wish with all of my heart that Caitlyn would have had the opportunity to meet her grandfather. I know Matt would have loved to see her sitting on his lap snuggling with him.

19. I am terrified of loud noises. Almost to the point of making me cry. If I her a motorcycle outside, I have brief moments of heart palpatations and get shaky.

20. I am fascinated by children who have Autism. If there was anything I could do for one day, it would be to change places with a child with Autism. Just to see what goes on in their head.

21. I worry that Caitlyn is going to struggle with some type of eating disorder when she is older.

22. I hate cooking.

23. If there was one thing I could hire someone to do one thing everyday for the rest of my life, I would hire a dentist to clean and floss my teeth everyday. There is nothing better than the feeling of a completely clean mouth when you leave the dentist.

24. I have never believed that parenting is the hardest job one will ever do. I believe most of it is common sense. However, I do believe that the emotional side of parenting is the most difficult part of parenting.

25. I eventually want to teach at the college level. You know, to impart all of the wisdom I have acquired ;)

A Whole New Respect

I had to take a sick day today because the girl is sick. However, I worked from home most of the morning. Then I had to pack her up into the car, runny nose, coughing and all because there is a new student coming on Monday and I wanted to make sure that he had a communication device when he walked in the door. So much for a sick day!

While I was there, I took a device that a student is no longer using. It is a Dynamyte, which is a dynamic display device. Whenever I bring these home, Caitlyn is head over heels crazy about them. All she wants to do is play with them and see what they are capable of. This particular device is a touch screen and depending on what button you press, the screen can change in order to open up a new page of choices.

Caitlyn asked me a billion times during the day if she could play with it and I kept telling her no. Then I picked it up to see what had been programmed in to it and she asked again if she could please play with it. So I gave in and told her she could. But first I had to explain what some of the functions on it were. She took to it immediately and figured it out right away.

She then asked if we could have a conversation using it and we weren't allowed to use our voices. Nor were we allowed to look at what the other person was saying until the entire message was spoken. Naturally, I was able to create messages much more quickly than she could as I am familiar with how the pages are programmed. She, on the other hand, could not create them as quickly.

And this is what leads me to the title of a whole new respect. Very often I forget how difficult these devices are for children. And that they are even more difficult for a child who is not neurotypical. I am also reminded of how patient a parent must be to hear their child utter a simple phrase. One of the first things Cate wanted to say to me was "I love you mom." It took her no less than 5 minutes to say something that she can usually say in a matter of milliseconds. It also reminds me that these are the kinds of things that kids want to say, and that parents want to hear. They could care less about the messages that we program in that revolve around what they are learning in school. They want to hear their kids say "I love you" and other things like "I like the color orange."

It's little moments like these that remind me that I love what I do. It also reminds me of how and where I can improve in my job. Last but not least, it reminds me that I am so very thankful for the things that my daughter is capable of that other children struggle with on a daily basis.

Is it June Yet?

I'm just wondering because I think I am done with the snow. Like I said, I generally really enjoy the winter. But I don't like all this snow that we are getting. This weekend we acquired about 7 inches. Up to 12 in some places. I have shoveled my arms off. I have pulled Caitlyn's sled more than I care to mention. And I have scraped my car off only to find it completely covered every time I come out of a store. So I am done. But Mother Nature is not.

It would seem that the strange amount of snow that Chicago has seen is not enough for the evil woman. We all know that when it comes to Mother Nature, she and I don't see eye to eye on things. I firmly believe that she has always had it in for me. Caitlyn's birth is a prime example of that, as are the events that transpired in the years after that child was born. So I know that she and I will never be fast friends. In her glee, she has pronounced that we may get up to another 9 inches of snow in the next couple of days. If you are no mathematician, I will assist you. That means there will be approximately 16 inches of snow in front of my house and about 21 inches of snow in the suburb in which I work.

Before you think I am a grouchy lady, I want the kids to have fun in the snow, I want to witness the beauty of a fresh fallen snow on the street. What I don't want to deal with are the idiot drivers (see previous post) and the snow once it is no longer freshly fallen and pretty. You know, when it turns into that grey, black, yucky slush stuff? I could do without those things.

There is a silver lining to all of this. (I am the eternal optimist.) This storm is supposed to hit between midnight and 9 AM. Should the weather men be predicting accurately (aren't they always?) this storm could peak during rush hour traffic. Now why is that a silver lining you ask? Because if it hits hard enough and at the right time, there is a snow day in my future. And we all know that is the real reason that I became a teacher. Well, that and summer vacation.

So please everyone, all 4 of you that read here, cross your fingers, toes, whatever and pray to whomever you care to that we get enough snow for a snow day.

You Would Think

...that since I was on Christmas break, that I would have been able to get some pictures up here and some updates right? Not so much. Not even a little bit. My intentions were good. I had planned on making an elaborate post about Christmas and New Year's and even including a fancy little slide show. and suddenly here we are on January 9th. With no elaborate post or slideshow to speak of. I could bore you with all the gory details of Caitlyn opening up the hundreds of presents that she got on Christmas morning, or how long it has taken me to take down the decorations (yeah, the tree is bare and everything is put away, yet it continues to stand in my living room naked). Or I could go on and on about playing Guitar Hero on New Year's Eve and consuming far too much Watermelon Vodka and Sprite (which I might add really tastes like a Jolly Rancher).

But, alas, I will not do any of those things. I will, however, complain about the weather here in Chicago. I am sick of snow. REally, I am. Winter is usually my favorite season. I love cold weather. There is nothing better than walking outside and feeling the snot inside your nose freeze. But all this damn snow, I could do without it. And it's not so much the snow that bothers me. It's the fact that people who have lived in Chicago for all of their natural born lives suddenly forget how to drive in it. Seriously. Either they have forgotten or every damn person on the road this morning just moved here from California. I can think of no other reason for the person in front of me to be driving 7 (SEVEN!) miles per hour on a plowed street that has nothing but slush on it. The temperature is high enough that the slush is not freezing. Essentially, it is nothing more than rain. So why does this driver feel the need to drive slower than most people ride bikes? We will refer to him as Slow Driving Asshole for the duration of this post/complaint.

In addition to Slow Driving Asshole, we have the people who think that it is a good idea to slam their foot on their gas pedal as soon as the light turns green. (We will refer to him and his friends as Gas Pedal Asshole). Do you know what this results in? It results in their car fish tailing, which causes their car to suddenly be perpendicular to the cars around them. This then results in the other cars slamming their foot on the gas pedal. You know what happens then? Their cars also fish tail and.....you see the pattern right? Inevitably, the light changes from green, to yellow, to red. And I have not moved. Instead, I am sitting behind Slow Driving Asshole as well as Gas Pedal Asshole. And not just for one light. For two.

And finally, I would like to introduce you to the funeral director who decided that it would be a good time to begin a funeral procession onto Skokie Blvd t approximately 8ish in the morning. And it was for a city worker to boot, which meant no less than 100 cars. Under normal circumstances, I have the utmost respect from any funeral procession. But when you are foolish enough to think that pulling out 100 cars onto one of the busiest streets in the area, during rush hour, with Slow Driving Asshole and Gas Pedal Asshole on the road was a good idea, then my respect for you has dwindled. Just a little bit. In the future, Funeral Director, could you please wait until at least 9:00 to begin your procession? It really would have helped my day start off a little better.

All that pissing and moaning aside, I can't believe the amount of snow that we have managed to get this year. Let's just hope that it's enough to help out my lawn and the portions of new sod that were dying towards the end of last summer. Because if I have to replace that, there is a good possibility that I will remove all of the grass and replace it with something fancy....like mulch.

Stephanie is right

In a few years I will look back at this ridiculous string of posts and laugh my ass off. I know that. Like I said, I am laying low for now until I can have my ducks in a row. Although I can tell that my kid is wanting to really push the buck with this too. When I asked her what she wanted for snack she said that she really wanted to take dried fruit. Now she knows that the teacher told Matt this is not acceptable. But she also knows that her mother will go to bat for her if need be. And to be honest, I think my kid gets a kick out of me raising hell in her defense. She is just too smart for her own damn good I tell you.

So we got a note home yesterday that the kids are encouraged to wear red, white, and blue today. For obvious reasons. Well, last night when Cate and I were picking out her clothes, she wanted to know what holiday it was today. And I told her it was "Patriot Day" and that it wasn't technically a holiday. She wanted to know why she had to wear certain colors if it wasn't in fact a holiday at all.

And then I had to explain to her why she was being asked to wear the colors of the flag. And it was horrible. I could see the fear in her face. I tried to put it all in to kid terms as much as I possibly could. But no matter how gently you say that bad men flew an airplane into a building and killed thousands of people, it doesn't lessen the blow. I think the worst part of the conversation was when Cate asked me if the men flying the plane meant to kill those people and I had to tell her yes. the absolute look of confusion on her face paired with her fright was gut wrenching.

I tried to tell her that the reason her uncle is a soldier is to try and prevent things like this from ever happening again. That wasn't going to console her. If anything, she was concerned by the fact that there is the possibility that it could happen again. And I know she isn't alone in that fear.

I was able to calm her down and get her giggling eventually. But there is nothing worse than having to tell your child about the evils in the world and knowing that there is nothing you can do to shield them from those things. Whether she learns them from me or hears them from other people, she is going to learn that the world can really be a hateful place at times. And that makes me sad. Sad because I can't keep her in her happy little "everything is right in the world" place forever.