The Green Eyed Monster

There is a Berenstein Bears book about a green eyed monster. Kelly read it to Caitlyn about a month ago. It scared the hell out of her. So it had to go in the garbage (didn't really, we just pretended) because that's what we did with The Grinch who Stole Christmas and she was no longer afraid of it. Well it didn't work as well as it did with the Grinch. Every now and again, she mentions that she is afraid of the green eyed monster. And naturally I assure her that there is no monster in this house that will harm her. For that matter, there are no monsters here.

Well the other day while we were at my mom's house, my mom threw a raging fit. She used to have them about every other day or so when I was a kid. I got used to them, and pretty much blew them off. Caitlyn is still learning about them. Though now mom really only has them about once a month or so. And now they are typically revolving around Kelly. Anyway, mom throws a fit. Caitlyn gets upset and starts crying. So I comfort her telling her that grandma is just really crabby and that in a few minutes she will stop and all will be well. Like clockwork, a few minutes later, mom is calm and life resumes to the norm in her house.

We get home, Cate gets in her jammies, and I read her a bedtime story. Sounds like the norm right? Wrong. Appearently this whole episode was still looming on her little brain. She looks at me and tells me that she doesn't like it when grandma yells like that. Well who does really? The woman looks, acts, and sounds like a damn lunatic. So we begin the discussion again that we had earlier. Then the girl starts sobbing. Can you see where this is going yet? I urge her to tell me what is bothering her so much. And she does just that.....

"When grandma yells like that she reminds me of the green eyed monster."

Needless to say, grandma now has a new nickname within the family. She hates it, but holy hell are we getting a good laugh out of it.

The interent is a funny thing

As is the world of blogging. The written word versus the spoken word can be two entirely different things, and have two completely different meanings. I don't frequent that many blogs. Most of the ones that I go to visit are people that have had preemies like myself, or ones that I have stumbled upon that peak my interest. I also don't have the time to view all of the blogs that I possibly could. There's just not enough time in my day for that, something to do with work, child, husband, etc.

So I visit a blog, I won't mention the name of it, I am sure you can figure out which one it is, and I leave a comment here and there when the topic tickles my fancy. I left a comment the other day that has generated significant amounts of traffic to my own little corner of the internet here. The comment that I made seems to have gotten some panties in a bunch. When I wrote the comment, I really had no intention of upsetting the masses, really only gave my opinion on a touchy subject. And POW!!!! I am being quoted on a few other blogs, by bloggers that also visit this particular blog.

I find it humorous that my one little sentence has been so horribly misconstrued and I am now an unfeeling bitch. Which, yeah I can be, but it's not the norm for me. Though there are a few other bloggers that have made comments to say that my own comment wasn't so horrible.

I think what irks me the most about it, is that for those I have upset, it is because I don't hold the same view as them. Yet I am quoted and called closed minded, ignorant, etc. All because my opinion differs vastly from theirs. Why is it horrible that I have a different opinion and am not afraid to state that opinion? Got me. Either or, my opinion is still the same on the subject and more than likely will not be changing any time in the near future.

On a lighter note, the mail from Barney that I previously mentioned....the plot has thickened. My cousin who used to own the video with the 1 800 number called the other day to talk to Caitlyn and pretend that she was Barney. (We tried calling the number on the video, and after 10 years or so, it is no longer in existence.) We figured that a call from Barney would be even better than a letter. Right???

Couldn't have been more wrong!!!

Not only is she wanting to call him every damn day now, but she thinks that because he called her, he is in fact going to be bringing a letter to her house ASAP. So, in true Nancy fashion, I have scoured the internet looking for a letter or something of the likes that can come from the purple dinosaur himself. With no such luck. So I contacted the Gods that control Barney's website. Only to be told that the fan club is no longer in existence. Which really sucks for me. Why on earth isn't it around anymore?? There are still kids that watch the damn dinosaur.

So now I have to do what I was trying to avoid. I am going to have to create a letter and mail it to her myself. I wanted to avoid doing this, don't ask me why. I just know that it would have been so much easier to find a website, enter all the pertinent information into the little fields provided, give a debit card number, and be on my way.

If anyone knows of a Barney website, or has been in touch with the purple dinosaur as of recently, please let me know so that he can write my kid a letter and we can resume to normal activities in this house.

Mail from Barney

Caitlyn has been watching a Barney Christmas video the last few nights before bed. I have never watched it with her. It's actually one of Tutti's from when she was Caitlyn's age. So the previews that are on it, I have to assume, are quite old. But she is like me and loves previews so we don't fast forward through them.

So last night as Matt is putting her to bed (yes that is a shocker in and of itself) I hear her say to him....

"Daddy, did you know that if we call 1-800 we can get a letter from Barney?"

Pod People

I am starting to believe that they do in fact exist. You see, I believe this now becuase I think that my child is one of them. I have not come to this conclusion lightly. Yes, she has been abducted and in her place they have left me an obedient and compliant child.

She is eating anything that I put in front of her, and even asking for more food.

She is going to bed without any difficulties and not getting out of bed for any reasons after I have put her in there.

She is constantly wanting to snuggle and kiss and hug me.

At the end of her bath when I told her it was time to get out, she eagerly obliged and stood up without my having to beg and plead with her.

There is MINIMAL whinning going on in my house, which typically occurs every 7-9 minutes around our abode.

Yes all of these things are wonderful. But they are not the norm for Caitlyn.

Where is my child???? What have they done with the obstinate being that I have grown so very accustomed to???? Man I hope she is ok and happy wherever she is, because honestly, I think I want to keep the one that I have now.

A nice "snoozing" bath

To the rest of the world, it's referred to as a nice soothing bath.

In Caitlynese, it's called a nice "snoozing" bath. She doesn't quite have some of the consonent blend sound just yet. Though she tries. When I picked her up at mom's today, she wanted to know if she could in fact that a nice snoozing bath. And that's just what she did. Only in the world of Caitlyn, a bath is really anything but soothing. It's more like a torrential downpour in the bathroom that is caused by her attempting to swim like a mermaid. Cause she can do that you know? She even holds her legs together real tight because mermaids don't have 2 legs. Just ask her, she'll tell you.

Shingles, bleeding to death, and the flu

What could they possibly have in common you ask? The answer really is simple.....ME!!!

Here is a basic rundown of the last 4 weeks of my life (January can not end soon enough)

Demeber 24th...diagnosed with shingles

....pain continues through the end of December

December 31st...begin bleeding to death

.....bleeding continues until approximately January 15th

January 16th...wake up with cough and stuffy head

....continues to present day

Now just because I stated that the pain of the shingles lasted through the end of December does not mean that they have cleared up. Cause you see, when the doctor said that they last about 4-6 weeks, turns out she really wasn't lying to me. Not that I thought that she was. But I did think that she was over reacting, being cautious. Now I am realizing that she really meant it. Cause you see, although the pain has subsided, and the lesions (ewwww) have disappeared, they linger to make my life hell. How can that be? Well, by waking me up at all hours of the night because they itch like fucking crazy. when I say "they" I really am speaking of nothing, as there is nothing there. But my skin itches. And nothing I do helps to subside the itching.

The cold and flu I can deal with...when I have just that. But paired with the other shit, no fun at all really.

Nancy's solution.....drug induced coma. No really. Take a little Benadyl, add in some Vicodin, then for shits and giggles, take some Niquil gel tabs. And I am sleeping like a baby. Healthy? Eh? I highly doubt it. But neither is only getting about 2.5 hours of sleep a night either.

So either I am going to become a drug addicted mother, or I am willing all of these ailments away. Not for me to decide appearently since I have learned that I have no control whatsoever over these damn shingles.

Moral of the story.....Shingles are in fact the devil.

Awesome

THIS has got to be the best blonde joke ever. And something like this is really only made possible through the amazing world of blogging ;)

Dad's Blood Pressure

It's funny to me to think about how much kids observe, but don't let on to how much they really know. By this I mean, how much they really know about what is going on in mom and dad's lives. Despite our best efforts to keep ugliness away from them, they pick up on it. Either by the tones of our voices, or the little things they hear us say. But none the less, we, as parents, believe that we are hiding things from them. When in fact, they are picking up on more than we could ever imagine.

Matt was gone yesterday from early in the morning until 2am this morning. So Caitlyn didn't see him all day. Now typically, I don't think much about how much she is missing him, as usually she won't even bat an eyelash about where he is. She just assumes that he is at work. And if she doubts me, all I have to do is find a football game on TV and she is convinced that he is in fact working.

When I was putting Caitlyn to bed, she started to cry. Here is the conversation that ensued....

N: What's the matter baby?

C: When is Daddy coming home?

N: He will be home soon sweetie. And when he does get home, I will have him come in and give you some lovin.

C: But what if he didn't eat dinner mommy?

N: I am sure he ate at work.

C: But if he doesn't eat dinner, his blood pressure will go low. And he doesnt' have any peanut butter to eat to make him better.

.....side note: Matt is a diabetic. What she was attempting to refer to is that his blood sugar will go low if he hasnt' eaten dinner. When we are at home and he starts to drop, I typically give him a PB&J sandwich or simply hand him the peanut butter jar to take a few spoonfuls of. Always does the trick

N: I promise you baby, he ate while he was at work and he will be just fine.

C: Make sure that Daddy wakes me up when he gets home mommy.

This to me is so amazing. First of all that she has listened when I say to Matt, "are you going low?" or "have you eaten dinner?" or "I think you need to test." And the fact that she knows how to fix it!! There are times that he has gone low when he is home alone with her. And he has always had sense enough to call me or someone in the family to walk him through how to make it better. And there have been times where I have worried that it could happen and he could pass out and then what? So it puts my mind at ease a little bit that Caitlyn would in fact know how to help her Daddy should she notice that he is going low. She has said to me at times when we are home that she thinks he is low. And usually she is right on the money.

....side note again: Matt's behavior changes so dramatically that it is hard for anyone who knows him to NOT know that he is going low.

The second thing that is amazing to me, is just how empathetic my little girl is. I am so awed by the fact that she cares so much about her Daddy. This is not to say that I didn't know that she loved him, because of course I know that. But for her, at only 4 years old, to be so concerned about his well being is amazing to me. It basically lets me know just what kind of adult my little girl will grow up to be, and it is a person that I know I can, and will, be proud of :)

Guns

So how do I handle this one....Caitlyn is now making guns out of her blocks and playing with them as if they are in fact guns. Now I am not one of those moms that is crazy gung ho about "NO GUNS EVER"!!! We don't keep one in the house, she has never been in contact with one, and she has never been in a house that has had one. So it is obvious where she learned about them...TV and/or school....the 2 most obvious culprits and demons right LOL.

So here is my dilemma, I don't want to tell her that she can't play with a toy gun. Cause after all, it is only a toy. When she has played with water guns in my moms pool we have discussed the proper use of them and that you never shoot it at someone's face, etc. But is there really any harm in playing with a gun in her own bedroom? I don't think it's going to make her become a serial killer in her adult years. If that were to happen it would more than likely be something that I did to warp her not a toy gun right? I mean is it really a big deal to let a kid play with a toy gun? When we are out and about at other people's houses and things, I hear parents telling their kids "No guns" "We don't play with guns." Well, we had guns in my house growing up and we knew that you didn't play with those guns but we could play with our guns from our toy boxes.

So I am thinking as long as the word "play" is involved with the toy guns that she is using that makes it ok?

She is sick

And that just adds to the fun that is going on in my house these days. Fever came last night, puking came this morning, along with coughing and a runny nose. There is an upside to this though, hard to believe, I know, but there is one. She has been taking her medicine like a champ!! So wonderfully in fact, that I am convinced someone has taken my child and replaced her with a pod person. There has been no arguing, no puking as a result of the medicine, no wrestling to get the shit in her mouth. I tell her it's time to take it, and she tells me she wants to do it on my bed cause that's where it's easiest. Whatever the hell works for you girlie I will do. And she takes it, all of it, with no arguing. I am in awe.

My friends the shingles are still lingering. I am calling them friends now because they have been here for so long that I feel I have gotten to know them. However, they are somewhat like house guests that have over stayed their fucking welcome. I mean really now, it has been 3 weeks, and I am still having issues with them. All of the "lesion" (as my doc calls them, which grosses me way out) have gone. However, they did leave behind a present, cause why wouldn't they? I know itch like crazy everywhere that there was a lesion. Sounds simple. However, when I scratch them, they burn like hell. Or, when I scratch them, I get no relief because the areas that the lesions were in are now numb. So needless to say, there is no relief whatsoever for me. Matt tells me to put some lotion on them. Well hello asshole, I can't reach the spot on my back that they were on so how exactly am I supposed to accomplish that feat. Yes I am flexible, but I am no contortionist.

So what do I do you ask? Well it's simple really. I take vicodin. Cause I have learned that not only does it take away pain, it also takes away itchiness. Well at least I think it does. I may just be so hopped up on the shit that I am thinking it does when it fact it does not.

On top of that, I am having some female issues that I won't be going too much into detail about. But I am assuming that you can figure out what region on my body that pertains to. I will be calling my doctor tomorrow because quite frankly, I am surprised that I have not yet bled to death.

Neglectful Blogger here

What a horrific month I have had.

Right before Christmas, I noticed some blotches on my skin. Thinking nothing of it, I rubbed some lotion on it and went about my business. The next day, I ended up with a sore back. Again, thinking nothing of it, I had assumed that it was from moving the new couch that was delivered. I even went for a massage on the 23rd thinking that I pulled a muscle. I always had loads of last minute crap to do so I figured I would get the massage and be able to go about my business.

Christmas Eve I wake up sobbing in pain. I tell Matt that he needs to put some sports cream on my back and give me a rub down so that I can finish up the last minute shoppping, wrap all of Caitlyn's gifts, and do all the fun night before Christmas stuff with my girl. As soon as Matt pulls up my shirt, we knew there was something more than a pulled muscle going on. He tells me that I have more of those spots on my back now.

I call my doctor because I immediately think that I know what it is. Shingles. I tell her I just need a pain reliever so that I can do the holiday thing and then I will see her right after Christmas. No such luck. She insists I go to the emergency room. (I had another medical issue going on at the same time, but won't be going into that at all.) Fucking Christmas Eve and the ER??? Are you kidding me??? But there is some light to this story. I was actually in and our of there in under an hour.
Doctor comes in. Pronounces that I am the proud new owner of shingles. Gives me an antiviral medication and some pain killers and sends me on my way. Why in and out in under an hour you ask? Well of course it is because shingles is airborn to those who have not had chicken pox. So luckily, I was considered to be highly contagious in their eyes and they didn't want me around any of their sick people.

So here we are about 3 weeks later and I am still in pain. Though not nearly as much as I was in when this little disease decided to first grace my door step. But it is still there none the less. I have been told that it takes 4-6 weeks for it to clear up. Cause I only have a mild to moderate case, otherwise it would take longer.

The new couch comes today

After 7 years, we finally bit the bullet and went out and bought a new couch. The old one we had was pretty cheap and was literally falling apart. Having a 4 year old jumping on it didn't help matters out much. It was also much to small for the living room that we have now. It worked fine in the condo, but not in this house....nor did it match the walls I painted last year.

So we will see if the delivery guys actually show up in the "window" that they have given me.

My girl made me so sad tonight

This morning when I was getting ready for work, Caityn was very upset that I had work and she didn't have school. She was crying horribly saying that she wanted to stay home with me today. Now normally, I would say to hell with work, and do some stuff from home and hang out with her all day. But I absolutely couldn't today. There were things that I had to get done and I had to be in the office to accomplish them. So I promised her that we would go to Chuck E Cheese's after work with Kelly and she felt a little better. Okay, ALOT better...I am so not beneath bribery with this child.

So I get her from my mom and off we go. And she is loving every minute of it. However, this glee was quickly marred. See we still struggle every now and again with pooping on the potty. But I can't remember the last time she had an accident....you can completely see where this is going no?

I witness her doing the pooping dance. This consists of her sitting down wherever she is at and bouncing her legs. Or as she is running, she is holding her ass. To the commoner, it looks like nothing out of the ordinary. To the trained eye of the mother of this child, I know full well what is going to occur. So I ask several times if she needs to take care of business in the bathroom. And of course she reassures me that I have nothing at all to worry about.

So the time comes to leave. I am just about to put her coat on and when I turn to face her, she has her pants around her ankles. For a split second, I actually giggle, then it dawns on me what she is doing. She is looking to see if there is in fact poop in her pants. And what do you think I saw...yes....poop. I quickly yank her pants back up and I am fuming....and she knows it. She asks me to take her in the bathroom and I tell her no can do, have no spares with me. Will clean you up when we get home.

So now she starts sobbing....screaming....people are looking. But it's okay you see, because they think that she is crying because she doesnt want to leave. Nothing looks out of the ordinary. And I am refraining from looking at her or speaking to her. Because I know then that the scene will look anything but ordinary. There will be a maniacal mother at Chuck E Cheese and innocent children don't need to see that.

We proceed to the car, she proceeds to tell me how badly it smells...I know, I have a nose, you don't have to tell me. And I continue to tell her that we will discuss it when we get home. Mostly because I don't want her to be embarrassed in front of Kelly. she keeps on asking me if I am mad and I keep on telling her that we aren't talking about it until we get home.

Then she pulls this beauty out of thin air.......

"You're mad at me because you don't want me anymore."

To say the least I was fucking shocked. Where on earth would she ever come up with that??? I don't think I have ever said anyting even remotely close to that to this child. The only thing that I can think of is that it is something that Kelly has mentioned to her. (Side note and brief synopsis...Kelly has been given up by her mother, adopted by a family, given back to foster home by that family as they said they couldn't handle her, lived in foster home a couple of years, now living with my mother.) So I am thinking that somewhere along the last few months, Kelly has mentioned being bad, not being wanted, and being given away. Makes sense right???

So we get home, I clean her up, and tell her how disappointed I am that she did it. Then we proceed to the couch to have a talk about what she said. No need to go into details, I am sure you can imagine what was said....I would never give you away, I love you, etc. The entire time, she sobbed. As if she was so sure that I really didn't want her.

So now, mom feels like shit, girl feels better. I didn't even have to bribe her to make her feel better about the whole situation either....so we all win!

Sick sick people on this planet

Since adding this sitemeter to this blog, I am oftren unnerved by what people google. I won't go into details about that, since that's not what this entry is about. But believe me, some of the things are freakish. And what's worse is that the words they are searching I have actually typed in here somewhere.

But I digress.

Today my friend Shelley discovered by chance that some sick fuck is using pictures of her truly adorable son Jacob and passing them off as photos of her own child. Now, Jacob is a preemie, a 25 weeker like Caitlyn. And what amazes me, besides the fact that she has taken these images, is that she wants peolpe to believe that she is currently going through the hell of having a micro preemie. She is saying that her sons (twins) are 23 weekers. See it's this whole preemier than thou issue, hers must be older. Despite the fact that they aren't even her kids. I find it so hard to believe that anyone would want sympathy, or empathy, based solely on the fact that their child is so gravely ill that he may die???? Anyone who has had a preemie would never wish that experience of the NICU on their worst enemies. (well maybe their worst, but no one else I assure you) The idea that she is glorifying and trying to capitalize on people's emotions based on an ill child is truly inconcievable to me. When you have a child as sick as a 25 weeker, you want nothing more than normalcy. Is that true for the opposite as well? That when you have a healthy baby, you want nothing more than the "fame" of having a 25 weeker??? My gut tells me no.

So here are the pics that she is posting. The first is Shelley's son Jacob and the second...well I have no idea who that baby is. If you recognize it, alert the mother that she is claiming this child to be her own!

Sick sick people in this world!

Let it snow.....

Famous Words of Caitlyn
It has been snowing here for about 6 hours now. And it is finally starting to slow down. I have already shovelled once...my back now loves me to bits. Tomorrow morning, Matt is on duty to remove what has accumulated since I last did it.

On a side note....never allow a 4 year old to shovel with you. It is their goal in life to fill the empty spots with snow. Just ask Caitlyn, she will tell you that she was "filling the holes I was making." Nice.

I love my job, I love my job, I love my job......

So one of the duties of my job is to do after school classes or trainings for school districts. So there is one district in particular, they have no interest in Assistive Technology whatsoever. And the worst part about it is that they are the people that need it the most...doesn't it always work that way.

So I go to this school (which will remain unnamed as I have heard of people losing their jobs because of things they have placed on their blogs) to do an inservice of an overview of assistive technology. Mind you, much of the preparation has really already been done since I have done it far too many times that I care to count. But I typicallly personalize it for that district; what kinds of students they work with, staff's abilities with technology, and what is already in the district that they have to work with. So there is some planning and prep time that is involved in it, all be it minimal.

Inservice is slated to begin at 3:00. Which means teachers will get there by 3:07. As I sit here and write this now, it is nearing 3:30....NO ONE has come. It's almost as though I threw a party and no one decided to be there. At first I felt guilty, but hey, I get paid regardless. And when you as a teacher can't provide what a student needs and the parents come marching into the next IEP with lawyers and advocates they better not come crying to me...cause I offered and they didn't take me up on it. I have even had the secretary make an announcement that I am sitting in here,....still no takers!

So I will sit here until I am supposed to. All by myself. And just keep reminding myself that I really do love my job.

Weddings

I really love weddings. And I always make sure that I go to the ceremony and not just the reception. Seeing as that really is the most important part of the day. Matt and I attended a wedding on Saturday for one of his assistant coaches. See we had to be there cause Matt has to do the "networking" thing. Here's my beef (besides the fact that I couldn't find anything to wear in my closet that would cover up my ginormous breasts, but that is another post in and of itself)....

My invitation said the ceremony was to start at 5pm. They were getting married in the hall where the reception was to be held. Now the place where this was ocurring was about 45 minutes away from our house. So we left at 3:45 as we needed to stop and buy a card cause I never do that early. We arrive at the hall at about 4:45pm and sit in the car for a few minutes signing the car and writing the check out for the happy couple. We enter the hall at abou 5:53 and find seats. Several people arrive after us, and even more arrive after them.

Now, I can understand a wedding beginning a few minutes after it is supposed to. I can even understand it beginning 15020 minutes after it is supposed to. However, to start a wedding at 6:05pm that was slated to start at 5:00????? Well I'm sorry, but I think that is just fucking ignorant. We were sitting on this little chairs that were all placed to close to each other. So you could hardly move. And everytime you did move, you felt as though the damn chair was going to break under the stress of holding up adult sized asses.

Suffice it to say, by the time the ceremony began, Nancy was a very cranky girl.

Was a nice wedding, but marred by the insanity of the whole hour and 5 minutes late thing.

Now I know why I am never on time for things!

Thanksgiving

I do have loads to be thankful for this year, as I have for the last 4 years. There are days when I get so bummed about finances and work and just life in general. But once I take a step back and look at what is going on around me in my life, I have to realize that it really isn't all so bad. I mean really, there is someone who is always worse off than I am technically speaking. So there is a lot in life that I am truly thankful for. Obviously, my health, husband, and child, and roof over my head, food on the table....all the typical things that we always say that we are thankful for.

But today I was thinking about all the little things in life that I appreciate. See, there are a slew of things that Cate will say to me from time to time that just make my heart melt.

...."Mommy, can we go up to your bed and be snuggle bunnies?"

...."You're the best Mommy a daughter could ever have."

...."I love when you read me bedtime stories Mom."

....Singing her princess songs at the top of her lungs in the back seat when we're driving.

...."I love you as big as the sky and moon and stars Mommy."

.... "I love you Mommy."

So today I thought about my girlie and how thankful I am that, first and foremost, she is here with me and able to say all of these wonderful things; but also how excellent they make me feel when she says them. If they make me feel this incredible as an adult, I can only imagine how they make her feel inside when I say some of the same things to her :)

Romance Titles gone wrong

I am not a fan of romance novels. They have just never appealed much to me. Thesse on the other hand could be quite interesting to read.

So I stumbled upon these somehow and thought they were just too good to keep to myself. I got them from The Wonderful World of Longmire. I wonder what the actual titles of some of them are???

McDonald's PlayLands

As a child, the playland of Mcdonald's is truly an amazing sight to behold. Imagine being 4 years old and being told by adults that this is the one time that you are allowed to run, jump, climb, slide, scream....all indoors. It truly is the mecca for toddlers and children.

On the flip side of this, there is the parents view of the playlands. To name a few of the horrific things: germs, screaming children, germs, extremely loud noise, germs, parents that don't watch their children, germs, children that don't listen to their parents, germs, horrible food, germs. Did I mention the germs that float around that place???? But we go anyway. Not for the nutritional aspect, nor the quality time spent with your child, but to prevent the tantrums that could ensue when you tell your child that they can't go. Well, that, and the hopes that they will be so damn tired by the time that they get home that they pas right out for the night.

So off to the play land we venture tonight. I drag Matt with me as I am not going to be the only parent to suffer through it. As we are walking up to the door, it is obvious that there is a birthday party going on in there. At least that's what I suspected it was with all the balloons and streamers hanging around. However, upon entering, I quickly learn that it is not a birthday party, but....a baby shower?? I am a little taken a back by this as I can't imagine having such an event at Mcdonald's. Matt quickly reminds me that maybe the employees were throwing it for a coworker. Or maybe someone was just being silly, after all, my mother did throw me a 21st birthday party at Burger King.

So we get our food and enter the playland area to sit down. So that rather than Caitlyn eating, she can run around like a maniac and I can plead with her to eat and threaten her 1000 times that if she doesn't eat we are leaving. (Which by the way, I never follow through on that threat.) However, there are no seats to be had. Why? Because there are about 25 guests at this baby shower...and only about 5 of them are children. Not only have they taken up all the seats with their adult size asses, but they have monopolized the tables for all the food they had catered in as well as using one table for cutting watermelon. Yes, you read all of that correctly. Let me break it down for you...

1. Baby Shower at McDonald's Playland
2. Approximately 20 adults in attendance
3. Food catered into playland
4. Watermelon being cut up on one of the tables
5. Gift table that uses up another 3 tables

So I am naturally thoroughly pissed off beyond all comprehension. Here I am paying way too much for food that I am convinced really doesn't even come from an animal, and my kid can't sit in there to play. So I start ranting, much to Matt's dismay. But he knows this is who I am..that I am so not quiet about things like this, especially when they are so fucking out of the ordinary. I storm back into the restaurant part and continue to piss and moan. And my anger is only intensified with every mutter of "it's not fair that I can't sit in there" from the girl.

Finally, I put all Cate's food back into the bag, tell her to take her damn shoes off, leave Matt sitting in the booth, and storm into the Playland so my child can have her 20 minutes of sheer elation. I snag a chair as all of the party guests are in line and sit my adult sized ass on it. A woman comes up to me and says, "Excuse me I was sitting there." Now....I take a few deep breaths before speaking, when what I really want to do is tell her to fuck off and punch her in the face. But I refrain. I simply look at her and say, "Oh? I'm sorry." But I don't get up, I continue to sit. Cause damn it, they can't have all the chairs and tables for their watermelon.

Here is my plan. Tomorrow I will be calling. I will be telling the manager that as a paying customer, I am not a happy camper that there is nowhere to sit in there because of the baby shower. I will also be sure to mention that there were 2 employees in there enjoying watermelon in their uniforms instead of cleaning tables or making burgers or whatever the hell they were supposed to be doing. With any luck, I will get some free food (or whatever it is they really serve). And chances are, I will be back there next weekend to sit and suffer through all of the aforementioned atrocities.